News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 24, 2017, 04:47:16 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?  (Read 13144 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Cherry91

  • Member
  • Posts: 611
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2015, 12:01:18 PM »
One of my friends is a little plump, but completely at ease with himself and his size (he acknowledges he's bigger than average, but has no issues with the weight he's at). He was particularly fond of a certain comeback.

Rude Person: Why are you so fat?
Him: Everytime I went on a date with your mum she gave me a cookie.

In the case of the OP, don't ebgage was the best thing you could have done. I suppose at least someone spoke up to object...
All will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

gramma dishes

  • Member
  • Posts: 7330
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #16 on: September 23, 2015, 12:10:09 PM »

Does it help to think that probably he was attracted to you and wanted to dance with you, but then as you ignored him, his ego felt crushed, so when he DID get your attention, he pulled out a handy insult, so he could pretend he didn't really want to dance with you after all?
Because I could totally see that happening.

I agree totally.  That's EXACTLY what happened!

Emmy

  • Member
  • Posts: 3766
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #17 on: October 04, 2015, 03:02:11 PM »

Does it help to think that probably he was attracted to you and wanted to dance with you, but then as you ignored him, his ego felt crushed, so when he DID get your attention, he pulled out a handy insult, so he could pretend he didn't really want to dance with you after all?
Because I could totally see that happening.

I agree too.  I hear that some guys who harass a woman with 'compliments', then get ignored or rejected will then turn around and insult her because she resisted his 'charm'.

I remember once incident where a friend and I were just legal drinking age and went into a bar.  We were chatting with a guy there when his friend came up to him and said plenty loudly, "I hope those girls have really sweet personalities because they are nothing to look at".  It did hurt my feelings and I have thought about it once in a while over the years, but I just remember what this guy said reflects on him and not us.  I've also had two incidents of guys saying within earshot that I thought I was all that (dressed up and feeling confident both times) and that I really wasn't.  Although a polite, snappy comeback would have been nice, I just ignored all those incidents - I try to give those types of people as much energy as they are worth..none.

I agree totally.  That's EXACTLY what happened!

EllenS

  • Member
  • Posts: 4654
  • I write whimsical vintage mysteries.
    • My Author Page:
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #18 on: October 04, 2015, 05:09:40 PM »
I actually consider it a plus if men who behave that way find me unappealing. I really wouldn't want that to be my "target market."

*shudder*

JenAnn

  • Member
  • Posts: 34
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #19 on: October 06, 2015, 02:17:59 PM »
I agree, it's the feeling of being unsafe that can really stick with you.  I was once passing by a street person talking to himself, and just as we were passing he abruptly turned and slammed into me and sent me flying.  And then proceeded on as if nothing happened.  I've never really gotten over the occasional moment of panic if someone passes by too closely. 

lowspark

  • Member
  • Posts: 5482
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #20 on: December 03, 2015, 08:08:15 AM »
I'm coming rather late to this discussion but I wanted to chime in anyway, in case the OP is still watching this thread, or in case anyone else finds themselves in this kind of situation.

This may be hard to do given the emotional feelings that can arise when personally attacked like that, but I think you should treat it as any other kind of potentially dangerous situation. Loudly state "Get away from me! I don't know you!" And put as much distance as you can between you and the perpetrator.

It puts the focus on the fact that this man is a stranger to you and that he is potentially dangerous while removing the focus on whatever craziness is spewing from his lips.
Houston 
Texas 
USA 

Venus193

  • Member
  • Posts: 17049
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #21 on: December 03, 2015, 10:38:30 AM »
Upon reading this again I realize I failed to comment on the OP's friend's reaction of laughter.  That is not the act of a friend because this is never funny.





Lynn2000

  • Member
  • Posts: 8322
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #22 on: December 03, 2015, 10:49:42 AM »
Upon reading this again I realize I failed to comment on the OP's friend's reaction of laughter.  That is not the act of a friend because this is never funny.

Generally I agree, but the friend herself said it was a nervous reaction. In a similar situation I can see myself "laughing" as a way to try and keep the crazy person in a good mood, act like we're friends, until we can get away from him safely. I grant you it might not seem very reassuring or supportive to my friend, but that's absolutely what I would be thinking/feeling. "Smile, smile, don't upset him, back away slowly..."
~Lynn2000

Teenyweeny

  • Member
  • Posts: 1808
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #23 on: December 03, 2015, 11:41:27 AM »
I am so, so sorry you had to endure this awful situation, OP.

There really is no excuse for that person's behavior - none at all. I too have struggled with my weight for my entire life and after losing a few pounds, I finally decided I was confident enough to wear my brand new pink dress out for a night out with friends. I wasn't wearing a cover over my arms for the first time because I'd lost some weight and wearing this dress, a daring color and cut was a really big step for me. I felt fantastic and the first half of the night started fantastically.

Halfway through, a man started ruffling my hair on the dance floor and trying to get my attention. I wasn't interested in talking to him so I simply ignored him. When I did happen to catch his eye, he mouthed the words "You are FAT" at me and walked away. Well, all I can say is - I was utterly, utterly crushed and my night was absolutely ruined. As soon as I got home, I threw my pink dress away and I still struggle with 'nights out' to this day, in fear of being insulted and crushed again.

 
Does it help to think that probably he was attracted to you and wanted to dance with you, but then as you ignored him, his ego felt crushed, so when he DID get your attention, he pulled out a handy insult, so he could pretend he didn't really want to dance with you after all?
Because I could totally see that happening.


Ah yes, the classic "Hey baby.... baby.... BABY! Well, why are you being such a b*tch? You're a minger anyway."

Ok... so you only hit on women you find repulsive? I'm confused.



Team HoundMom

  • Member
  • Posts: 1924
Re: STILL haunted by a strangers comment on the train?
« Reply #24 on: December 03, 2015, 02:33:59 PM »
Generally I agree, but the friend herself said it was a nervous reaction. In a similar situation I can see myself "laughing" as a way to try and keep the crazy person in a good mood, act like we're friends, until we can get away from him safely. I grant you it might not seem very reassuring or supportive to my friend, but that's absolutely what I would be thinking/feeling. "Smile, smile, don't upset him, back away slowly..."

(Bolding mine) - this.  As much as you want to rip a strip off a random heckler don't do it.  "Don't engage the crazy." 

Not sure if I already mentioned something that happened to me once:

My friend and I were at a concert in a city about two hours away and I was heading over to the coat check to get my jacket and leave.  I was wearing awesome leopard-spotted spandex jeans and out of nowhere this guy slapped by butt HARD and goes "F--- those are sexy pants!"  I mean this slap was HARD.  I stopped in shock and looked to see who did it - it was some guy leaning on the bar, grinning like an idiot, and his friend had a shocked looked on his face.  I shook it off and walked out.  Because: a) We had a two-hour road trip home and it was late at night, and b) my friend is a guy and his wife and my husband trusted us to go to this concert out of town.  No way was I going to get into a bar fight or do anything to jeopardize that trust.  (Thank goodness my friend was already in the lobby and didn't see the slap, or this story would have a way different outcome.)  Sometimes you have to think before reacting. 

Do I regret not losing my mind and knocking the guy out?  Yes and no.  Yes because I let him get away with assaulting me, no because nothing else became of the situation at that time and my friend and I got home safely.