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Author Topic: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go  (Read 11791 times)

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TracyXJ

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RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« on: October 05, 2015, 12:53:33 PM »
I hope I did not throw myself into E-hell over the weekend!

B/G:  My husband and I were invited to the in-law's family friend's wedding on Saturday night.  Our group would be my MIL, FIL, SIL, her husband, DH and myself.  The invitation never mentioned children, so we assumed our 20 month old was not included.  We didn't want him to be anyway since he's too young to stay quiet, the wedding was in the evening and he'd be getting cranky, and we wanted a night out (party!).  So, we arranged non-family babysitters for the first time.  End B/G

Come the night of the party, I get out of the shower to start getting ready to hear my son screaming in pain.  Apparently, while us women were out during the day, the men let Son stuff himself with cheese for lunch before his nap.  His stomach was now a cramped up mess and we had about 20 minutes before the babysitters were supposed to arrive.  We tried various things, but the little guy was crying himself hoarse.  In the end I made the call to cancel the babysitters (maybe I'm an overprotective mom, maybe it's pregnancy hormones), stay home with Son while sending everyone else (including DH) to the wedding.  DH attended the ceremony and made our apologies to the mother and father of the bride (the family friends), but skipped the reception.  We did still send the card we already had with the other in-laws. 

Are we OK for missing the wedding?  I assume we shouldn't have called since it was so close to the start of things, everyone would be very busy.  Is there anything else we should do to make up for our absences?  Normally I would think we were OK, but after seeing things like the guests that were billed for missing the wedding, I'm worried we were terrible.

If any other info needed, please ask.

lmyrs

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2015, 01:10:44 PM »
Your DH probably should have attended at least some of the reception. It's not like he wouldn't know anyone there. It's his family after all.

mime

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2015, 01:19:43 PM »
Last minute stuff comes up, and when you have a distressed baby, you make the best call you can. You were fine for missing the wedding to do your best for your baby.

As for calling: I wouldn't have called either. Unless I was an especially important guest to the HC, then I'd also assume that they were busy with all last-minute preparations for their big day and didn't need to know that I'd be missing; at this point it was way too late to change catering orders or invite someone from a back-up list, etc. for the reception. There could have been an issue of assigned seating, but sharing that info just before or just after the ceremony (as your DH did) gives them almost the same amount of time to reconfigure. Besides that, the rest of your group went; not like six of you staying home to care for 1 baby.

I think you were fine; definitely not terrible!

HannahGrace

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2015, 01:24:57 PM »
Your DH probably should have attended at least some of the reception. It's not like he wouldn't know anyone there. It's his family after all.

I agree with this.  I think you were completely fine and reasonable up until your husband skipped the whole reception.  There was no real reason for him to do so.

gellchom

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2015, 01:30:46 PM »
Given that your husband attended and could explain and apologize after the ceremony, I agree that it was okay not to call just before the wedding.

I also agree that he should have stayed.  I don't really understand why he didn't; if it wasn't such a medical emergency that he didn't have to stay home entirely, then why couldn't he stay for the reception? 

In any case, I think I'd send a nice note and maybe even some flowers -- not with an apology, but with a statement of regret that you had to miss something so important that you'd looked forward to so much and additional congratulations.  Get it?  It's not to grovel for doing anything wrong, it's to counteract any feeling that anyone was treating this wedding as something trivial.  The goal is to make them feel important and valued.

Deetee

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2015, 01:39:38 PM »
Your circumstances are very different. You sent your husband and let them know (through him) why you couldn't attend.

I do think your husband should have attended the reception but that would depend on how your little one was doing at that point.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2015, 02:10:56 PM »
You were fine, IMO.  Though 50 lashes with a wet noodle for the boys who fed your little guy so much cheese.   ::)

Yes, your husband could have stayed at least for the meal part of the reception but you were home with a screaming toddler; he probably felt it would be better to get home and spell you off.  He was there to represent and to pass on your regrets.  And the rest of your party stayed and, presumably, enjoyed themselves.
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Zizi-K

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2015, 02:47:35 PM »
You were fine, IMO.  Though 50 lashes with a wet noodle for the boys who fed your little guy so much cheese.   ::)

Yes, your husband could have stayed at least for the meal part of the reception but you were home with a screaming toddler; he probably felt it would be better to get home and spell you off.  He was there to represent and to pass on your regrets.  And the rest of your party stayed and, presumably, enjoyed themselves.

That's what I was thinking too. It sounds exhausting to have to minister to a sick, uncomfortable child. I would want my husband back as soon as possible were I in that situation, unless the kid had gone to sleep for the night and I could give DH the all-clear, because I would probably need respite.

gellchom

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2015, 03:36:01 PM »
You were fine, IMO.  Though 50 lashes with a wet noodle for the boys who fed your little guy so much cheese.   ::)

Yes, your husband could have stayed at least for the meal part of the reception but you were home with a screaming toddler; he probably felt it would be better to get home and spell you off.  He was there to represent and to pass on your regrets.  And the rest of your party stayed and, presumably, enjoyed themselves.

That's what I was thinking too. It sounds exhausting to have to minister to a sick, uncomfortable child. I would want my husband back as soon as possible were I in that situation, unless the kid had gone to sleep for the night and I could give DH the all-clear, because I would probably need respite.

I'd agree if it were a less important event.  But if it's just so Mom doesn't have to handle it alone, why not just have the sitter come as originally planned and help her out?

TracyXJ

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2015, 04:16:56 PM »
I tried to tell my DH to go to the reception, but it didn't come across too convincing since it was from a crying woman.  I'm a bit of an emotional wreck with this pregnancy and when Son settled down and started playing like a perfectly happy kid about 20 minutes after they left, I kind of lost it a bit (by lost it, I mean I sat down and sobbed because I was so looking forward to dressing up and going out!). 

Also, he's a bit of a practical man and figured since he already had to go out in the rain to get to his car and drive to the reception, why not just go home to the weepy wife.  His mom was telling him to go home too.

peaches

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #10 on: October 05, 2015, 04:48:43 PM »
I think it was fine for mom to stay home with the toddler, especially since the babysitter was new and unfamiliar to the child.

I don't understand DH skipping the reception entirely. At that point, toddler was feeling better. The reception is when the bride and groom circulate and visit with friends and family - the ideal opportunity for DH to explain why OP couldn't come. And he wouldn't have been alone, as his parents were there and possibly others he knew. Making an appearance would have been a better choice IMO.


Winterlight

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #11 on: October 05, 2015, 07:20:55 PM »
I think that in your case, stuff happened and you needed to stay. Calling at that point wasn't going to help anyone.

DH should have stayed for at least part of the reception. Bailing on the whole thing was rude.
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TootsNYC

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #12 on: October 05, 2015, 08:15:37 PM »
It's sort of too bad you canceled the sitter--you could have gotten dressed up, and had DH come pick you up and take you to the reception!


LifeOnPluto

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #13 on: October 05, 2015, 09:24:59 PM »
I'm in the camp that says your DH should have stayed for at least part of the reception.

(That said, I also think he owes you big time for letting your son eat the cheese, which led to your night being ruined. I reckon he needs to take you out somewhere nice (where you can still dress up and have fun!)).

EllenS

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Re: RSVP yes, last minute didn't go
« Reply #14 on: October 05, 2015, 09:31:42 PM »
I understand those who say that DH should have stayed for the reception, etiquette-wise. But marriage-wise? DH wasn't going home with the HC. He was going home to OP. Pregnant OP with a toddler, who was sobbing her eyes out over missing the occasion.

There's a saying that knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad. Your DH is a wise man and understands the difference between the "correct" answer and the right answer.