News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 23, 2017, 04:34:20 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Anticipating an awkward non-bridesmaid conversation, advice? update#19  (Read 10673 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Cali.in.UK

  • Member
  • Posts: 1000
Re: Anticipating an awkward non-bridesmaid conversation, advice? update#19
« Reply #30 on: March 18, 2016, 10:08:28 AM »
Wow Blue and Green, that's awful. I can't believe his friend continued to lie and lie when he knew that your DH would be at the wedding. That is so crazy.

green.and.blue

  • Member
  • Posts: 171
Re: Anticipating an awkward non-bridesmaid conversation, advice? update#19
« Reply #31 on: March 19, 2016, 05:25:21 PM »
It was really crazy. He eventually apologized, saying he couldn't handle the stress of picking, but also continued to act strangely around both DH and DHs brother, to the point where he didn't even attend DH's brother's wedding. And these were people that we used to see four or five times per week. As I say, weddings are emotional.

bopper

  • Member
  • Posts: 14030
With unreasonable people (like people who are telling YOU who to have in your wedding party), make sure you don't JADE...Justify Argue Defend Explain.  Because you are just wasting effort and making it seem like you open to options.

Shelly: I want to be your bridesmaid
You;  No, I am all set.  Have you tried that new restaurant in town?    or just avoid Shelly...nobody says you have to be friends with people you don't like.


bopper

  • Member
  • Posts: 14030
Re: Anticipating an awkward non-bridesmaid conversation, advice?
« Reply #33 on: June 08, 2016, 12:50:07 PM »
Update - well, I just got a message from Mary that Shelly asked her directly if she (Mary) was a bridesmaid. Apparently Shelly is upset that I did not talk to her about it and feels that I should have pointedly told her she was not a bridesmaid and why. To me, telling her why she was not chosen, unsolicited, sounds very awkward and kind of mean.  It also seems like she thought that if Mary was a BM, then she should be too because we've all known each other for the same amount of time. I'm going to see Mary tonight so I'll ask some more questions because this was all via text.
Also, Mary told me in a "head's up" sort of way, not gossipy. I think she wanted to warn me in case I got an unexpected message from Shelly, which, maybe I will?

First of all I would try to avoid Shelly at all costs.  She does not seem like someone you need in your life.

If you hear from Shelly, then you just say "That's not how this works... I tell the people who are going to be BM, not all who aren't. Look, I know when we are kids we talked about this, but we aren't kids anymore. I have made my decision and don't want to discuss it anymore."  THen don't.