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Author Topic: reception game  (Read 8550 times)

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ladyknight1

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Re: reception game
« Reply #15 on: October 13, 2015, 11:20:26 AM »
I think this "game" is beyond tacky.
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TracyXJ

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Re: reception game
« Reply #16 on: October 13, 2015, 12:59:40 PM »
I can just picture it.  The DJ announces this "game" and everyone at the table just looks at one another and shrugs and no one pulls out money. 

LifeOnPluto

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Re: reception game
« Reply #17 on: October 13, 2015, 09:13:49 PM »
It also raises some interesting etiquette and moral questions.

Let's suppose this "game" is played. Adam pulls out a $50 note, which gets passed around his table. The music stops, and Bob is holding the note. The DJ announces that all people holding the money need to give it to the DJ, who will then pass it onto the Happy Couple. Before Adam can say anything, Bob jumps up and hands over the money to the DJ.

1. Would it be rude for Adam to approach the DJ and ask for his money back?

2. If the DJ refuses to give Adam his $50 back, would it be rude for Adam to ask the Happy Couple for his $50 back?

3. If Adam can't get his $50 back from the DJ or Happy Couple, does Bob have an obligation to reimburse Adam the $50? Would Bob be rude for refusing to reimburse Adam?

4. What about the other people at Adam's table? Do they have any obligation to help reimburse Adam?

caverat

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Re: reception game
« Reply #18 on: October 14, 2015, 01:12:54 PM »
It also raises some interesting etiquette and moral questions.

Let's suppose this "game" is played. Adam pulls out a $50 note, which gets passed around his table. The music stops, and Bob is holding the note. The DJ announces that all people holding the money need to give it to the DJ, who will then pass it onto the Happy Couple. Before Adam can say anything, Bob jumps up and hands over the money to the DJ.

1. Would it be rude for Adam to approach the DJ and ask for his money back?

2. If the DJ refuses to give Adam his $50 back, would it be rude for Adam to ask the Happy Couple for his $50 back?

3. If Adam can't get his $50 back from the DJ or Happy Couple, does Bob have an obligation to reimburse Adam the $50? Would Bob be rude for refusing to reimburse Adam?

4. What about the other people at Adam's table? Do they have any obligation to help reimburse Adam?

I would say if Bob asked for his money back and they refused, it's officially stealing.  On the other hand, I consider it stealing all along, with the idea that no one will complain because it's a social situation and they don't want to be the one who comes off as a party pooper or something.  It's basically a calmer form of mob mentality - there's probably a word for it.  Since everyone is playing  and no one wants to look like the 'bad' person, the bride/groom and/or dj get away with blatant thievery under the guise of a game.

Incidentally, the person who originally wrote the story on the other website said she was the one out her cash ($20).  Obviously she didn't make a stink about it, though she was annoyed.  She actually said she thought she might be overreacting simply because it was her money that was taken.  Can you imagine second guessing your anger when someone essentially robs you, simply because of how the situation went down?  Yeesh.

TootsNYC

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Re: reception game
« Reply #19 on: October 14, 2015, 01:17:39 PM »
It's such a huge amount of offense for such a probably small payoff.

Let's say 17 tables. Most people aren't going to pass a $50 around to all the people; they'll get a $20 at most, or a $5. So probable maximum payoff, $340.

And for that, you've annoyed every person in the room?


(also--Bob gets credit for Adam's generous $50?)

Mikayla

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Re: reception game
« Reply #20 on: October 14, 2015, 05:09:21 PM »
Wait...the Happy Couple forgot to write a "clever poem" for the DJ to read?!?  That seems to be the default action for people trying to mask greedy or inappropriate requests.


Incidentally, the person who originally wrote the story on the other website said she was the one out her cash ($20).  Obviously she didn't make a stink about it, though she was annoyed.  She actually said she thought she might be overreacting simply because it was her money that was taken.  Can you imagine second guessing your anger when someone essentially robs you, simply because of how the situation went down?  Yeesh.

That's the scariest part of all.  I don't see this stuff in real life, but at another forum I read sometimes, I recently saw a question where a bride requested $500 from everyone attending her bachelorette to help the hostess with costs.  The person "felt bad" because she didn't have that much money and was asking if it would be rude to decline.   

Too much reality TV, I guess.  Ish.

EllenS

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Re: reception game
« Reply #21 on: October 14, 2015, 06:28:57 PM »
Just dreadful. If the DJ had tried something like this at my wedding, I would have snatched the mike right out of his hands and said, "certainly not!"

I must assume that the HC were either out of the room, distracted, or too shocked to move. Otherwise, this would put a serious crimp in our friendship.

HannahGrace

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Re: reception game
« Reply #22 on: October 14, 2015, 07:11:56 PM »
One of the many reasons we were not willing to have a DJ.

kherbert05

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Re: reception game
« Reply #23 on: October 15, 2015, 02:05:53 AM »
^^Yes, if I was the person at the table who donated $50 for this "game", I'd absolutely be asking for it back. This "game" sounds appalling, unfair, greedy, and plain boring.

I've written on eHell before, about a game I was forced to play at a wedding reception a couple of years ago. The MC announced that all the "single people" would be playing a game, and called us up on stage in public, reading out a list of individual names. We were then paired into random male-female pairs (I, in my 30s, was paired with the Groom's 17 year old cousin), and a box of inflated balloons was produced. The aim of the game, explained the MC, was that each pair would be given a balloon, and the first pair to burst a balloon between their bodies without using their hands would be the winners.

So all the "single people" had to play this humiliating game for the entertainment of the married guests. To cap off this Bridget Jones-esque scenario, my ex boyfriend was at the wedding with his new wife, both of them chuckling their heads off.
Honestly I would have walked out and not spoken to the couple until they called to apologize. I know my sister knowing her guests specifically told the DJ embarrassing the guests in any way would be a serious issue. He was then hired by 2 cousins and a couple of friends because he did not go off script and embarrass anyone. I heard a guest from BIL's side scold him for not calling for Father/Bride Mother/Groom dance. I could tell tell the DJ was stuck not knowing what to say - So I informed the guest that  Dad had recently passed away. OPPS, he turned red. I guess the small memorial things that sis did for Dad were not very obvious to people who didn't know Dad. Which was what she wanted. Dad's friends got the tributes. (Like white roses because they were his Frat's flower. The priest mentioned he was looking down from heaven and blessing the wedding) BIL did dance with his mom and it was announced but not right after the Couple's first dance. Trying to balance things.
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Reika

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Re: reception game
« Reply #24 on: October 15, 2015, 05:45:29 AM »
^^Yes, if I was the person at the table who donated $50 for this "game", I'd absolutely be asking for it back. This "game" sounds appalling, unfair, greedy, and plain boring.

I've written on eHell before, about a game I was forced to play at a wedding reception a couple of years ago. The MC announced that all the "single people" would be playing a game, and called us up on stage in public, reading out a list of individual names. We were then paired into random male-female pairs (I, in my 30s, was paired with the Groom's 17 year old cousin), and a box of inflated balloons was produced. The aim of the game, explained the MC, was that each pair would be given a balloon, and the first pair to burst a balloon between their bodies without using their hands would be the winners.

So all the "single people" had to play this humiliating game for the entertainment of the married guests. To cap off this Bridget Jones-esque scenario, my ex boyfriend was at the wedding with his new wife, both of them chuckling their heads off.
Honestly I would have walked out and not spoken to the couple until they called to apologize.

Yep, walking out was my first thought too. Even then I might not continue my friendship with the couple after being humiliated like that.

While I tend to be a quiet wallflower at parties, if I'd been persuaded to take money out of my wallet for something like this. You can better believe I would be willing to raise a stink if my money went walking off like that.

lakey

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Re: reception game
« Reply #25 on: October 15, 2015, 11:04:36 AM »
Quote
The person "felt bad" because she didn't have that much money and was asking if it would be rude to decline.   

Too much reality TV, I guess.  Ish.

This is also a matter of having more extravagant parties than people can afford, often because they see this stuff on tv and it becomes part of the culture. The norm for bachelorette parties used to be a bunch of friends going out and partying by having dinner and doing some drinking. It's all well and good to have limousines, spa days, weekends at a hotel, and so on, as long as everyone is up front and understands beforehand what the costs will be. Asking someone for $500 without any warning is ridiculous.


EllenS

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Re: reception game
« Reply #26 on: October 15, 2015, 03:42:19 PM »
Quote
The person "felt bad" because she didn't have that much money and was asking if it would be rude to decline.   

Too much reality TV, I guess.  Ish.

This is also a matter of having more extravagant parties than people can afford, often because they see this stuff on tv and it becomes part of the culture. The norm for bachelorette parties used to be a bunch of friends going out and partying by having dinner and doing some drinking. It's all well and good to have limousines, spa days, weekends at a hotel, and so on, as long as everyone is up front and understands beforehand what the costs will be. Asking someone for $500 without any warning is ridiculous.

Indeed, I've only been married 12 years, and even at that time "bachelorette parties" were not expected at all. It was, at most, 50/50 whether you had one or not.

MommyPenguin

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Re: reception game
« Reply #27 on: October 21, 2015, 11:22:01 PM »
Awful idea! If this had happened at my reception, DH and I would have been so embarassed that someone thought this was a good idea. We'd be putting an end to it very quickly.

I wonder who thought this one up?

It may well have been the DJ. It's important to remember that all sorts of people do things that get blamed on the couple.
    At our wedding, the band leader started this whole "couples married less than a year on the dance floor; couples married less than 5 years; less than 10; less than 15." I was so mad bcs I was tired, I'd been in the middle of talking to people when he started (with us, of course), it was crowded, and it was taking about 30 minutes, and I did NOT want those sorts of activities. It felt like every time I turned around, he was saying, while we were in the middle of talking to people, "Can I have the couple on the dance floor!". I told my husband that if he did it one more time, I was going to walk up and let him have it!

Sometimes the couple has a lot of influence--but they often don't know every trick the DJ is going to try to use to shape the party.

The whole "address your own thank-you note" is often thought up by the shower hostess, not the bride, for example.

The DJ at my brother's wedding did this game (couples on the dance floor by how long they'd been married), but I'm pretty positive that my brother/SIL were responsible for the idea, because of the numbers.  There was a couple in the room that had been married for a notable number of years, say 58.  The first announcement the DJ said was for couples who had been married for "58 years or more," and it wasn't a round number.  Also, my brother and I had a cousin who had just had her wedding two weeks before his, so the last call was for couples who had been married for "one week or more."  Alas, that one got screwed up, because that cousin's fiance had been about to be deployed a year ago, so they'd done a courthouse wedding before his deployment and been technically married for a year before their big wedding ceremony/reception.  So they jumped up and started dancing when the DJ called for "one year or more," and there was nobody to start at "one week or more."  Would have been cute.  :)  That particular activity doesn't bother me, as long as the bride/groom are okay with it.
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mime

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Re: reception game
« Reply #28 on: October 22, 2015, 12:36:46 PM »
When DH and I got married, we hired a DJ through a group of a bunch of independent DJs. We started out by talking to a coordinator about what we wanted and he found the right guy for us. Our best man knew several DJs in the area and mentioned to us that our DJ had been criticized in the past for not being entertaining enough. That was perfect for us, though-- we just wanted music without lots of orchestrated other stuff. DH and I thought he did a perfect job and we'd hire him again in a heartbeat.

Knowing the HC's preferences beforehand makes a big difference.



gellchom

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Re: reception game
« Reply #29 on: October 26, 2015, 02:36:45 PM »
Awful idea! If this had happened at my reception, DH and I would have been so embarassed that someone thought this was a good idea. We'd be putting an end to it very quickly.

I wonder who thought this one up?

It may well have been the DJ. It's important to remember that all sorts of people do things that get blamed on the couple.
    At our wedding, the band leader started this whole "couples married less than a year on the dance floor; couples married less than 5 years; less than 10; less than 15." I was so mad bcs I was tired, I'd been in the middle of talking to people when he started (with us, of course), it was crowded, and it was taking about 30 minutes, and I did NOT want those sorts of activities. It felt like every time I turned around, he was saying, while we were in the middle of talking to people, "Can I have the couple on the dance floor!". I told my husband that if he did it one more time, I was going to walk up and let him have it!

Sometimes the couple has a lot of influence--but they often don't know every trick the DJ is going to try to use to shape the party.

The whole "address your own thank-you note" is often thought up by the shower hostess, not the bride, for example.

We did not want to do a bouquet or garter toss at our wedding.  But at some point in the reception, the band leader called us onto the dance floor, and it wasn't until we got there that he said why.  So we just went along with it, but I would've preferred not to.  It never occurred to me that he would do that without asking us first.  (How did he know I was even wearing a garter, anyway?  First time I've thought to wonder that, and it's been over 33 years.)