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Author Topic: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...  (Read 12594 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #15 on: November 03, 2015, 08:24:31 PM »
I strongly suggest telling him you absolutely cannot do this for him again, and then ignoring his calls when it's time for him to get off work.  Even if he is just going about trying to spend time with you in a bad way, it's not your responsibility to figure that out.  His actions - regardless of his intent - are to mooch off you and inconvenience you.  That's not what a good thing for a friend - or a potential suitor - to be doing to you.

It's certain not a trait that you would want in a potential suitor.

I have a huge amount of skepticism that this is something he's doing because it's the only way he can think of to get to spend time with you. If he were really interested in you, he'd be going about this very differently.

You've said yes enough times that it's worth a try. Say no consistently, and I bet he fades out.

#borecore

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #16 on: November 03, 2015, 08:30:07 PM »
All I'd be asking is, "How did you get on the bus TO work, dude?"

And stop giving him rides and/or money. Yesterday. He's mooch, mooch, mooching, and he's realized you're an easy target. That's not a great trait in a friend or boyfriend.

Once every six months, or once every two (if he's still in high school), I might understand coming up short. But regularly grabbing bus fare to get to work and not remembering $2 to get home? Just not buying it.

FauxFoodist

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #17 on: November 03, 2015, 08:38:31 PM »
I'm wondering why he doesn't just buy a bus pass?

#borecore

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #18 on: November 03, 2015, 08:40:19 PM »
I'm wondering why he doesn't just buy a bus pass?

Maybe he has one and keeps it in his chronically forgotten wallet.

mmswm

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #19 on: November 03, 2015, 08:42:34 PM »
If he really is stunningly forgetful, then it's about time he learn how to take care of himself.  Heck, I've made my teenagers walk the 3 miles home from school when they've forgotten their bus passes (it's a safe walk, with sidewalks along the entire route). If they don't feel the pain of the consequences, then they'll never learn.  Quit bailing him out and don't feel guilty about it.  You don't need to explain if you don't want to.  If he's a really good friend, then you can if you think it'll help, but I don't think it's necessary in this case if you don't want to.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Let Them Eat Cake

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #20 on: November 03, 2015, 10:17:19 PM »
I thought I should add that I've said "no" to this every time, which makes it even more confusing as to why he continues to ask.

He's actually really generous 99.999% of the time, which makes this all sort of strange, because he's the last person I would expect to mooch off of anyone. When a bunch of us will go out to dinner or the movies, we have to practically beg him to let us pay our own way! ;D I guess next time he asks, I'll go with what a lot of you said and just ask him "Okay, what's going on here?"

Thanks for your feedback, everyone!
« Last Edit: November 03, 2015, 10:37:07 PM by Let Them Eat Cake »
"Jan, a real friend likes you for who you are, not what's on your face. If you judge your friends for passing judgment on you, you're not only judging yourself you're judging your friends for judging you. And that would be using bad judgment." - Mike Brady, The Brady Bunch Movie

TootsNYC

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #21 on: November 03, 2015, 10:27:59 PM »
That IS confusing!

If you'd like him to stop asking for help when it's such a ridiculous reason, maybe you could make it more uncomfortable for him? "What are you doing to do about it?" is a useful tool for that.

Do you help in other ways, that might make him think he'd get somewhere with this?

Let Them Eat Cake

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #22 on: November 03, 2015, 10:43:17 PM »
That IS confusing!

If you'd like him to stop asking for help when it's such a ridiculous reason, maybe you could make it more uncomfortable for him? "What are you doing to do about it?" is a useful tool for that.

Do you help in other ways, that might make him think he'd get somewhere with this?

That's a good question. I mean, I definitely try and be a good friend-- he knows he can come to me to vent if he's having a bad day, and vice versa, and if he were ever in an emergency I would be on my way to help in a heartbeat-- but I've never been the person to offer rides to anyone. In the past, he hardly ever has asked for big favors like this.
"Jan, a real friend likes you for who you are, not what's on your face. If you judge your friends for passing judgment on you, you're not only judging yourself you're judging your friends for judging you. And that would be using bad judgment." - Mike Brady, The Brady Bunch Movie

Danika

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #23 on: November 03, 2015, 10:56:49 PM »
I thought I should add that I've said "no" to this every time, which makes it even more confusing as to why he continues to ask.

He's actually really generous 99.999% of the time, which makes this all sort of strange, because he's the last person I would expect to mooch off of anyone. When a bunch of us will go out to dinner or the movies, we have to practically beg him to let us pay our own way! ;D I guess next time he asks, I'll go with what a lot of you said and just ask him "Okay, what's going on here?"

Thanks for your feedback, everyone!

As I was reading all the posts, I was agreeing with everyone else.

With this update, I now think he's just calling to chat with you at the end of the day. Maybe he just wants a reason to talk to you or to talk to someone. It is odd.

If you do get a straight answer, please, update us! I'm curious.

LEMon

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #24 on: November 04, 2015, 12:27:34 AM »
I'm with the others asking, 'how is he getting to work?' Seriously, how is he doing this without his wallet? This doesn't make sense.

How is he forgetting his wallet so much when he clearly seems to remember to have it when he goes out with you and friends? That doesn't make sense.

Neither does what he is asking of you. To drive so out of your way to save him two dollars?

Time to have a talk if he is a good friend.

Let Them Eat Cake

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #25 on: November 04, 2015, 01:04:22 AM »
I thought I should add that I've said "no" to this every time, which makes it even more confusing as to why he continues to ask.

He's actually really generous 99.999% of the time, which makes this all sort of strange, because he's the last person I would expect to mooch off of anyone. When a bunch of us will go out to dinner or the movies, we have to practically beg him to let us pay our own way! ;D I guess next time he asks, I'll go with what a lot of you said and just ask him "Okay, what's going on here?"

Thanks for your feedback, everyone!

As I was reading all the posts, I was agreeing with everyone else.

With this update, I now think he's just calling to chat with you at the end of the day. Maybe he just wants a reason to talk to you or to talk to someone. It is odd.

If you do get a straight answer, please, update us! I'm curious.

These calls are usually really frantic and brief rather than chatty. Usually, after I say no, he's like, "OK, well, my lunch break's almost up so I'll talk to you later". :P We talk quite often at other points in the day, so I don't think this is him just coming up with an excuse to chat.

Quote
I'm with the others asking, 'how is he getting to work?' Seriously, how is he doing this without his wallet? This doesn't make sense.

Good question. I'm thinking his mom, who he lives with, might be driving him in in the mornings. (He usually takes the bus to meet her at her work after he gets out of his own work, since they don't live so close to the bus line, and he doesn't have his own car yet.) Not 110% sure on that, though.

As always, thanks for your thoughts on this, everyone. :) Will hopefully have an update for you guys in the next week-- possibly sooner if he forgets his wallet again before this week is over! ::)
"Jan, a real friend likes you for who you are, not what's on your face. If you judge your friends for passing judgment on you, you're not only judging yourself you're judging your friends for judging you. And that would be using bad judgment." - Mike Brady, The Brady Bunch Movie

Margo

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #26 on: November 04, 2015, 04:05:48 AM »
maybe for christmas you should given him a lanyard with a holder suitable for a buss pass, or a wallet with a carabiner so he can keep it attached to his belt...

Runningstar

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #27 on: November 04, 2015, 05:38:02 AM »
(He usually takes the bus to meet her at her work after he gets out of his own work, since they don't live so close to the bus line, and he doesn't have his own car yet.) Not 110% sure on that, though.


If he can get a ride home from you then he gets home earlier and without having to wait for the bus, then for his mom.  He can "remember" that he forgot his money at lunchtime?  I'd wonder if his budget includes lunches from home, and he uses his bus money for snacks. 

bopper

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #28 on: November 22, 2015, 10:31:29 PM »
I am going to guess that the real reason is he wants a ride home.   Since you are going to drive all the way out to give him "bus fare", you might as well drive him home, right?   Maybe the bus schedule is not convenient. Maybe he wants to spend time with you.

"Dude, I have noticed you have been asking me to drive over to give you bus fare many times now.  I cannot be your regular driver.  Not sure what the problem really is, but it costs me $X to give you $2 and takes an hour.  You gotta get the money yourself or find another way home.  Maybe you can borrow from your coworkers or get your mom to pick you up."


Ceallach

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Re: Friend keeps on forgetting bus fare...
« Reply #29 on: November 23, 2015, 01:30:36 AM »
I am going to guess that the real reason is he wants a ride home.   Since you are going to drive all the way out to give him "bus fare", you might as well drive him home, right?   Maybe the bus schedule is not convenient. Maybe he wants to spend time with you.

"Dude, I have noticed you have been asking me to drive over to give you bus fare many times now.  I cannot be your regular driver.  Not sure what the problem really is, but it costs me $X to give you $2 and takes an hour.  You gotta get the money yourself or find another way home.  Maybe you can borrow from your coworkers or get your mom to pick you up."

I agree with this.   

And OP, if he's really a good friend you would be doing him a favour by calling him out on how strange his behaviour is.   Someone behaving this way at his age could end up a real mooch in later life if he doesn't learn to take responsibility for himself and plan ahead, instead of being disorganised and relying so heavily on others.  His behaviour is ridiculous!  Once maybe, more than that nope.   And if he's making frantic calls, I wonder exactly how many people he's calling each time!
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"