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  • November 20, 2017, 10:53:44 PM

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Author Topic: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.  (Read 17020 times)

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CakeEater

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2015, 05:14:34 PM »
We probably also shouldn't be assuming that people who have fancy weddings and/or cakes are going into massive debt.

I agree.

We had a BWW for 90 guests, and didn't go into debt, as it happens. But it was the most amazing day - we're coming up 10 years later, and I'd say it's still the best day of my whole life. And our marriage has been a great one.

I'd suggest that if I'd had to go into debt to have that wedding, those photos, and those memories, I would have thought it to be a great investment.

Others might think a BWW wedding is a ridiculous waste of money, especially if debt is required. And in some circumstances, I'd agree. But we all have our own priorities, and as long as I can still pay my bills afterwards, then going into debt to create an amazing day, very fondly remembered 10 or 20 or 30 years later sounds OK to me.

#borecore

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2015, 05:54:27 PM »
I agree with others saying that there's something happening in this photo that's interesting, but it might not be "We were too poor for cake, so we served bread." The thing that stands out most to me is two women in matching or near-matching wedding-type dresses in the photo.

My wedding cake cost $20ish (2 years ago, supermarket bakery). If I had made it at home, it would have cost about the same as a homemade loaf of bread; adding butter to the bread would make it even closer. Different areas will charge different amounts for ingredients, of course, but if you're not getting a multi-tier decorated cake anyway, I just don't think that this is the place to save at your typical wedding.


Alicia

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #17 on: November 17, 2015, 05:59:26 PM »
Something looks off in the picture I wonder if for some reason it is cake made to look like bread????

Bert

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #18 on: November 17, 2015, 06:10:43 PM »
I've been to more than a few weddings where some people were, um, "overserved".  I think getting some bread into them at some point might have been a great idea.  Maybe they could serve coffee with it as well. ;)

baglady

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #19 on: November 17, 2015, 07:59:43 PM »
Something tells me that this photo is being taken out of context. More likely there's a cultural or religious tradition, or maybe just a very personal belief of the HC, behind the bread that has nothing to do with saving money or avoiding debt.

Not everyone does wedding cake. In parts of Ukraine, wedding bread is traditional -- although they are usually elaborately decorated, not the simple slices shown in this picture. Even in the U.S., many couples don't do the elaborate tiered cake thing. I've been to one wedding where the "cake" was cupcakes, and another where there were two sheet cakes, and others that had no cake at all.

Traditional wedding cakes are beautiful things, but once you slice them up and pass them around, the beauty is gone, and it's just cake.

I mean no disrespect toward anyone who has a traditional wedding cake. But like so many of the wedding trappings we have come to expect, it's purely optional. If, for cultural, religious, personal or financial reasons a couple doesn't want to have a wedding cake, it's their business. People don't go to weddings for the cake -- they can buy their own at the bakery! -- they go to celebrate the HC.
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LifeOnPluto

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #20 on: November 17, 2015, 08:20:42 PM »
If there is no cultural significance, then serving bread (instead of cake) strikes me as a bit silly.

I kind of agree with Lynn2000 - if the bread is literally the only food available at this wedding, then I personally don't think it's very good hospitality. I think a politer option would have been to invite less guests (and provide more interesting and tasty food). Or postpone the wedding, save up for a bit, so you can provide food other than just bread.

baglady

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #21 on: November 17, 2015, 08:29:01 PM »
If there is no cultural significance, then serving bread (instead of cake) strikes me as a bit silly.

I kind of agree with Lynn2000 - if the bread is literally the only food available at this wedding, then I personally don't think it's very good hospitality. I think a politer option would have been to invite less guests (and provide more interesting and tasty food). Or postpone the wedding, save up for a bit, so you can provide food other than just bread.

But we haven't seen the rest of the wedding. For all we know, the bread is just a ritual/ceremonial thing that followed an elaborate multi-course meal.
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rose red

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #22 on: November 17, 2015, 08:51:24 PM »
I wish we can see the entire table. For all we know, there's a table full of food, even if it's "just" sandwich fixings.

Although the more I look at the picture, the more I'm convinced it's some kind of "breaking bread/blessing" thing since the bread is on a platform and they look as if in prayer.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2015, 08:57:49 PM by rose red »

Ceallach

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #23 on: November 18, 2015, 12:06:49 AM »
I immediately thought this was taken out of context, as many of you did.    It makes me feel very uncomfortable.  Who decided this couple are poor, and why?   A well dressed bridal couple standing behind a table of food, looking like they are possible listening to prayer/grace/blessing being said (hence the serious expressions and slightly bowed heads).    Cake might have been served later after the meal, or cake might not have been traditional in their culture.     

If the person who created that original story knew the couple, they would refer to them by name (not necessarily identifying, just first name) or say "my friends" or something like that.   It's just the way people speak, particularly if it's about somebody they're proud of.

This reeks more of some well-meaning moron stumbling across the picture, making a massive assumption, and turned it into a very patronising story.  I hate throwing around the "R" word but if they did do such a thing then it smacks of racist underlying views.   I wish people wouldn't try to turn strangers into memes or stories.   
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Lynn2000

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #24 on: November 18, 2015, 09:59:28 AM »
If there is no cultural significance, then serving bread (instead of cake) strikes me as a bit silly.

I kind of agree with Lynn2000 - if the bread is literally the only food available at this wedding, then I personally don't think it's very good hospitality. I think a politer option would have been to invite less guests (and provide more interesting and tasty food). Or postpone the wedding, save up for a bit, so you can provide food other than just bread.

But we haven't seen the rest of the wedding. For all we know, the bread is just a ritual/ceremonial thing that followed an elaborate multi-course meal.

I totally agree that this picture was almost certainly taken out of context, in a way that's probably rude, as Ceallach said. But I assumed that the point of the Facebook post--however inaccurate it was with the picture--was to celebrate a couple who chose to save money by cutting way down on the food they served their guests. And I don't think that's something that should be celebrated, as it's rude. There are many ways to save money on a wedding that don't involve shortchanging one's guests of basic hospitality. (assuming a standard US situation) So whether or not the picture was used correctly, I think the basic premise is flawed.
~Lynn2000

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #25 on: November 18, 2015, 10:33:18 AM »
My first thought when I saw that was that they couldn't be too cash strapped, given his suit and her dress and the matching dress on the other woman behind them.  Though I did think the dresses looked rather dated, as in not current fashion, so I also wondered about the age of the photo.

I'm more inclined to think there was some sort of cultural significance to the bread than it being some sort of cost saving measure.

I don't think there is anything wrong with serving bread and butter instead of cake, as long as the rest of the meal is substantial enough for your guests, too.  And it was done as a cost saving measure, along with other things, like grocery store flowers, rather than florist.  Skimping all the way round and serving a simple but hearty meal?  Absolutely OK.

But to skimp on the food so you have more money to spend on the clothes or decorations or something?  I think is kind of rude to your guests.
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DavidH

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #26 on: November 18, 2015, 10:52:42 AM »
It seems a huge leap from that picture to the statement that goes with it:

"This couple didn't have money for a wedding cake. Rather than borrow to impress people, they settled for what they could afford, bread and butter. Some may make fun of them, but they did what they did to be debt free, and to keep things real. These are the wedding stories that need to be shared, not the extravagant ones with the unnecessary pomp. Share if you agree!"

Just looking at it, they are clearly not at dinner, they are three people standing as part of a ceremony.  For all one can tell from the photo, they may be rich or poor, they may have borrowed for their wedding or not, and this may be the beginning of a multi course meal ending with cake or not. 

This is the first time I've heard that having oversized slices of bread during a ceremony is "keeping things real" and having cake is not. 

It just seems like a holier than thou poster gone wild to me.


magicdomino

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #27 on: November 18, 2015, 02:52:39 PM »
You know, there are people out there who really don't like cake.  I know, I know, it's so strange as to seem impossible, but they exist.  Some of them don't like sweets at all.  But they may love a slice of really good bread and some fresh butter, and their social circle is the same way.  There is no law stating that you can't substitute a pile of bread slices for a cake.  As for poor, have you seen the price of good artisan bread these days?   ;)

I agree that the photo was taken out of context.  For all we know, the Happy Couple just happened to be standing behind the bread part of a huge buffet.  Even if it wasn't and the bride and groom really did serve bread instead of cake because of the costs, there's something condescending about the comments.

metallicafan

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #28 on: November 19, 2015, 08:27:19 PM »
We probably also shouldn't be assuming that people who have fancy weddings and/or cakes are going into massive debt.

I agree.

We had a BWW for 90 guests, and didn't go into debt, as it happens. But it was the most amazing day - we're coming up 10 years later, and I'd say it's still the best day of my whole life. And our marriage has been a great one.

I'd suggest that if I'd had to go into debt to have that wedding, those photos, and those memories, I would have thought it to be a great investment.

Others might think a BWW wedding is a ridiculous waste of money, especially if debt is required. And in some circumstances, I'd agree. But we all have our own priorities, and as long as I can still pay my bills afterwards, then going into debt to create an amazing day, very fondly remembered 10 or 20 or 30 years later sounds OK to me.


If people want to have a fancy wedding that's ok.  If they want to have a inexpensive wedding, that's OK to.  Neither choice is wrong.
DH and I  had a big Italian wedding, 225 guests, tons of delicious food, sweet table, open bar, the whole works.  It was absolutely  wonderful and I  wouldn't change a thing.

Momof2Pekes

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Re: Poor couple serve bread and butter instead of wedding cake.
« Reply #29 on: November 20, 2015, 01:32:10 PM »
I absolutely loathe those posts that say "Share if you agree."

Do not tell me what to do!!

Phew, that felt good!  ;D