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Author Topic: Buy a gift or are we good? They're married!  (Read 9513 times)

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otterwoman

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good?
« Reply #15 on: December 30, 2015, 04:03:53 PM »
A New Year's Eve wedding requiring a tux that's also pot luck (and a nearly-surprise pot luck, it sounds like!)?  What the heck?  In my book, your gift is the lasagna.  What is the host actually providing?

I'm not sure, I think it's also a cash bar...  ::)

Wow. I'm mostly posting for the update after NYE but I'd probably skip the gift.

I wouldn't really be thrilled at the aspect of a wedding on NYE in the first place, but ok, if it's someone I'm close enough to that they asked me (or DH) to be in the wedding, I'll concede. But on top of that, I'm expected to make a boatload of lasagna and I'm told about that a week before?

This is a perfect opportunity for that time-honored Ehell phrase, "I'm afraid that won't be possible." But ok, you're going to be nice and pick up a couple of frozen lasagnas. Those things cost about $30 each, right? So you spent $60ish. Plus the effort of bringing it already warmed up.

I'm curious what time this wedding will be. Will you actually be there toasting 2016 at midnight? If so, do you have to buy your own glass of champagne to do so? Or will all be wrapped up by 8 pm so you can go on to your own NYE revelry?

This whole thing sounds like a case of wanting to do something sort spectacular for the wedding without any money or real planning.

I think you've got the idea, I think they want the "Wedding" without the bills. They are in their 30's and have both been married before. This isn't new to them. The wedding and reception are at a local veteran's club. They did not rent out the kitchen also, so I'll have to bring the lasagnas already cooked. Or, perhaps Dh will be doing that. Our babysitter cancelled on us; she hurt her back. (MIL does the babysitting, so I believe her when she's says she's hurt.) The wedding isn't adult only, but all children under 18 must leave by 9pm. Venue rules. If the weather is bad, I'll skip the wedding completely.

Dh has told me more background of Bride and Groom. Once they all get liquored up, it could turn into a Maury Povich show (disgruntled ex-wife, dumped sister of bride that the groom dated before dating the bride, unhappy bride's father, unhappy stalker of bride).

Oh, the officiant is the groom's nephew, AKA Flake. They are concerned enough about Flake showing up, that they have arranged for a back up officiant. That would be me. So, if the weather is bad I hope Flake shows up, because I won't.

Kiwipinball

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #16 on: December 30, 2015, 04:19:51 PM »
Wow. I have been to a potluck wedding. The families of the HC contributed - not the bridal party, not guests. And it was pretty casual overall. I do not think you need to give any other gift, but should do a card.

Mustard

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #17 on: December 30, 2015, 04:26:19 PM »
This wedding sounds an absolute nightmare; the more I read, the more sure I am of it.  I wish OP's husband well.

Tierrainney

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #18 on: December 30, 2015, 04:32:32 PM »
You know, at Ehell we've had discussions before about wedding presents, bridzillas, and other strangeness at weddings. But I think this one takes the cake for me.

Voluntelling the wedding party that they are providing the food? Yeah, that's a more than adequate gift.

I wonder if the couple will even be providing plates and silverware for their guests to eat the food that others have provided.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Tea Drinker

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #19 on: December 30, 2015, 05:14:03 PM »
I've been to a potluck wedding, and most of us figured the potluck contributions were our wedding gifts. But nobody was asked to bring lasagna for 60 people. (A potluck should mean everyone brings something, not 4 out of 60 guests do all the cooking.)
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Katana_Geldar

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #20 on: December 30, 2015, 05:42:50 PM »
Posting mainly for updates. Good luck, OP.

VorFemme

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #21 on: December 30, 2015, 05:48:40 PM »
It sounds more like a dinner theater show from Orlando, Florida (Tina's & Tony's Wedding -or something similar - complete with dinner, cake, and all the wild relatives and ex-BF & ex-GF acting out that they could lay on for the show around dinner)...on the other hand, they keep insisting that Maury Povich has real people and real issues on his show...so maybe they're having the wedding on NYE so that they can be on the tv show next year...

I'd have suggested making popcorn for the bar - as it sounds like there will be quite a show.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2015, 06:37:02 PM by VorFemme »
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

EllenS

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #22 on: December 30, 2015, 05:59:56 PM »
lurking for updates.

sammycat

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good?
« Reply #23 on: December 30, 2015, 07:26:04 PM »
I think you've got the idea, I think they want the "Wedding" without the bills. They are in their 30's and have both been married before. This isn't new to them. The wedding and reception are at a local veteran's club. They did not rent out the kitchen also, so I'll have to bring the lasagnas already cooked. Or, perhaps Dh will be doing that. Our babysitter cancelled on us; she hurt her back. (MIL does the babysitting, so I believe her when she's says she's hurt.) The wedding isn't adult only, but all children under 18 must leave by 9pm. Venue rules. If the weather is bad, I'll skip the wedding completely.

Dh has told me more background of Bride and Groom. Once they all get liquored up, it could turn into a Maury Povich show (disgruntled ex-wife, dumped sister of bride that the groom dated before dating the bride, unhappy bride's father, unhappy stalker of bride).

Oh, the officiant is the groom's nephew, AKA Flake. They are concerned enough about Flake showing up, that they have arranged for a back up officiant. That would be me. So, if the weather is bad I hope Flake shows up, because I won't.

I'm not sure whether you should go just so you can report back here on this train wreck, or tell the B&G that you're not coming and not providing any food. I though they were a young couple in their late teens, not a couple in their 30s who have even been married before. (My apologies to the majority of teens out there who are in fact responsible).

The bolded would get my back up. If they're too stingy to provide food, and/or somewhere for those who have been roped into proving it to prep it, I wouldn't be supplying them with a single thing.
« Last Edit: December 30, 2015, 07:58:29 PM by sammycat »

otterwoman

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #24 on: December 30, 2015, 07:42:31 PM »
Dh is back from the rehearsal. They have changed their minds, and have rented out the kitchen. So, I don't have to cook and deliver the lasagnas, they can be cooked there. Dh said that the couple don't seem to have things planned out well. The DJ was asking about music, Dh mentioned him asking about music for the Dollar Dance (!). The bride had no ideas. When Dh told me, I suggested 'She works hard for the Money'. Dh likes that idea!

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #25 on: December 30, 2015, 08:21:53 PM »
They sound very disorganised. This will be an interesting wedding.

shortstuff

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #26 on: December 31, 2015, 10:24:25 AM »
Dh is back from the rehearsal. They have changed their minds, and have rented out the kitchen. So, I don't have to cook and deliver the lasagnas, they can be cooked there. Dh said that the couple don't seem to have things planned out well. The DJ was asking about music, Dh mentioned him asking about music for the Dollar Dance (!). The bride had no ideas. When Dh told me, I suggested 'She works hard for the Money'. Dh likes that idea!

It's almost like, since they've been married before they don't want all the work and stress of planning a big and/or fancy wedding... except they're still trying to get the same event without the work!

And I'm boggled that they except the OP to step in and be a last-minute officiant.  For free?  With no planning, prepared remarks?  OP i'd love if you could elaborate on that part.

Also, posting for updates.

ladyknight1

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #27 on: December 31, 2015, 10:42:18 AM »
Signing up for updates to this impending train wreck of a wedding.

Formal dress - check
Potluck provided by wedding party - check
Poor planning - check
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

otterwoman

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? Minor update and more info post 15
« Reply #28 on: December 31, 2015, 01:17:00 PM »
Dh is back from the rehearsal. They have changed their minds, and have rented out the kitchen. So, I don't have to cook and deliver the lasagnas, they can be cooked there. Dh said that the couple don't seem to have things planned out well. The DJ was asking about music, Dh mentioned him asking about music for the Dollar Dance (!). The bride had no ideas. When Dh told me, I suggested 'She works hard for the Money'. Dh likes that idea!

It's almost like, since they've been married before they don't want all the work and stress of planning a big and/or fancy wedding... except they're still trying to get the same event without the work!

And I'm boggled that they except the OP to step in and be a last-minute officiant.  For free?  With no planning, prepared remarks?  OP i'd love if you could elaborate on that part.

Also, posting for updates.

The officiant they have, Flake, is a nephew of Groom. Flake got his certification online. As did I, years ago. I've never actually performed a wedding, they know that. When they asked me if I would be back up, I told them all that really needed to happen was signing the license. That I wouldn't have fancy flowery things to say, more like Do you? Do you? Awesome, sign here.

Luckily for me, Flake did show up for the rehearsal last night. Dh said Flake seemed really prepared and ready to go.


otterwoman

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Re: Buy a gift or are we good? They're married!
« Reply #29 on: December 31, 2015, 06:43:50 PM »
I'm back. Wedding was at 6pm. Because my babysitter was injured, I had to bring DD with me. DD is 7 and has autism. She didn't do well. Too much noise, too many people and mommy wouldn't let her yell, twirl and stick her fingers in the cake. So, we ended up leaving pretty much right after the food was set out.

It was wedding party provided food, and set up by the wedding party. Cash bar. Dh was also assistant DJ, and sort of guided the food set up. Dh did stop and tell me this wasn't organized at all.

Along with the lasagna, there was also beans, pasta salad, mac and cheese, cold cuts, meatballs, veggies, and rolls.

Flake was great. He looked smashing in his dress blues (former army), and did a fabulous job, better than I could have ever done. Dh and stepson looked handsome in their tuxes. DD thought the bride was a princess.

I'm sure I'll get more details after Dh comes home.