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Author Topic: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?  (Read 27522 times)

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turnip

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #60 on: January 04, 2016, 12:00:30 PM »
The worst wedding meal I ever had was a 'steak or lobster' choice.  The steak was bland and tough.  The lobster was rubbery and tasteless.  My BIL requested the vegetarian option which turned out to be a pile of mashed potatoes.

We all survived.  No one complained to the B&G and I would have been horrified if they had.  I just can't wrap my head around the entitlement that declares that a couple must list of options roughly equivalent to that of a small restaurant or else they are 'rude' or 'forcing' their food choices.   Allergies and restrictions should be dealt with as they are at any other food gathering.  If the smell of a common food item ( fish? ) is enough to make you nauseous then you must be pretty restricted in your ability to eat at any common gathering anyway.

Pooky582

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #61 on: January 04, 2016, 01:02:53 PM »
If, and only if, the bride was controlling what every guest could eat for the entire four days, I'd have a huge problem. I would starve with only that food being available, which would make me irritable and miserable. Of course, if I knew these conditions before RSVP'ing, I would definitely respond 'no'. If those were just her choices, but other options existed, it would be fine. Offering one meal at the wedding that I may not like is much different than controlling my entire diet for four days.  That is too far.

Like the other example of the vegan wedding, I'd probably would have stopped for food on the way home. I would never have the audacity to do it at the wedding. But that bride also sounded like a bridezilla and what bothered me more was that her DH wasn't vegan, so she was only thinking about herself to begin with. I'm not vegan or vegetarian or gluten free, but I knew I had guests that were and made sure there was food available for them. Considering me and DH are the hosts, I want everyone to enjoy themselves, and that includes not leaving starving.

turnip

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #62 on: January 04, 2016, 01:38:56 PM »
But that bride also sounded like a bridezilla and what bothered me more was that her DH wasn't vegan, so she was only thinking about herself to begin with.

That's seems like such an unnecessarily critical view of things.  Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception.   

If the bride described by the OP couldn't stand the smell of fish ( as has been expressed here ) and the husband ate fish, would she be 'only thinking about herself' if fish was not presented as an option?  She has food restrictions, he agrees that their reception should comply with her food restrictions, and now she's a bridezilla.   I just don't see it that way.

nuit93

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #63 on: January 04, 2016, 01:45:51 PM »
My mother spent much of my wedding planning time stressing over the fact that I was getting a food truck (she'd never heard of food trucks that served good food, just sub-par trucks at festivals and the like) instead of doing a "proper" plated meal.  Post-wedding, you'd think the food truck had been her idea.  She and everyone else LOVED it.  People were going back for seconds.

Sometimes the most "controversial" food choices end up being the most memorable in a good way!

I think I remember that thread but I don't think I replied.  At first I was kind of on your Mom's side because at the time I thought of "food trucks" as those workplace last resort lunch spots also known as "roach coaches" - but now I know better and your Mom does too.  Food trucks have come a long way.   :)

Yep!  Here in the PNW they're pretty common.

I was honestly rather insulted by her insinuations that I didn't know how to host a proper event--I've planned larger events than my wedding before!

Carotte

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #64 on: January 04, 2016, 01:46:53 PM »
But that bride also sounded like a bridezilla and what bothered me more was that her DH wasn't vegan, so she was only thinking about herself to begin with.

That's seems like such an unnecessarily critical view of things.  Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception.   

If the bride described by the OP couldn't stand the smell of fish ( as has been expressed here ) and the husband ate fish, would she be 'only thinking about herself' if fish was not presented as an option?  She has food restrictions, he agrees that their reception should comply with her food restrictions, and now she's a bridezilla.   I just don't see it that way.

Yeah that's a pretty backward way of thinking, after all, if you have  a 100 guests of whom 20 are vegan, if you have a vegan menu 100% of the guests will be able to eat it, if you have a "normal" menu only 80% of the guests will be able to eat it, the maths is quick on what menu is the most inclusive.
And frankly, unless the bride has a very, very, very weird or restrictive diet (only yellow food sown in may) why shouldn't she get to choose something she actually likes (and can eat!) at her own wedding!

HannahGrace

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #65 on: January 04, 2016, 01:47:24 PM »
But that bride also sounded like a bridezilla and what bothered me more was that her DH wasn't vegan, so she was only thinking about herself to begin with.

That's seems like such an unnecessarily critical view of things.  Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception.   

If the bride described by the OP couldn't stand the smell of fish ( as has been expressed here ) and the husband ate fish, would she be 'only thinking about herself' if fish was not presented as an option?  She has food restrictions, he agrees that their reception should comply with her food restrictions, and now she's a bridezilla.   I just don't see it that way.

Agree x1000.  My husband is an absolute omnivore but there are vegetarian/vegan dishes that I make that he requests for dinner, because he really likes them.  Just because someone doesn't have a consistent vegan diet doesn't mean they didn't wholeheartedly agree to a vegan menu for a meal.

ladyknight1

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #66 on: January 04, 2016, 02:02:21 PM »
I would be absolutely fine eating a vegetarian menu for four days. I would not be fine with the juicing and detox portion of her spa plans, but that's okay.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
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Drunken Housewife

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #67 on: January 04, 2016, 02:05:26 PM »
Quote
Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception. 

Because of my strong beliefs, beyond having a vegetarian wedding, we have a vegetarian home.  The husband eats whatever he wants out of the house, but our house is meat-free.  Everyone who comes over gets plenty to eat.  Nobody ever leaves hungry. 

It's best if people give you good, tasty food, but again a wedding is not a Michelin starred restaurant.  The point of it is not the meal.
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Hmmmmm

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #68 on: January 04, 2016, 02:17:31 PM »
I just don't see anywhere in the articles that say the guests were deprived of balanced meals. Even the article that tries to paint her as a loon states "On the wedding night there were a range of dishes, including Thai green papaya salad, roasted brussel sprouts, grilled local white snow fish and fresh fruit for dessert."

No where does it state those were the only items available for guests to eat. There very well could have been other protein options for non-fish eating guests, they just weren't mentioned.

And the bride makes a living as a healthy eating lifestyle blogger and even offers consulting on hosting healthy weddings. Of course she is going to use her wedding to promote her business. I'm pretty sure most guests were fully prepared to enjoy 4 days of healthy eating options. But I'm sure if someone was really craving a burger there were ways to get it. This wedding wasn't at a deserted island with a single hut

LadyL

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #69 on: January 04, 2016, 02:22:12 PM »
We decided to have a wedding caterer that specialized in vegan food and food restrictions (gluten free, allergies, etc.) in large part because most of our bridal party and many of our friends have food restrictions. Our caterer is popular with vegans and non-vegans alike and have won many mainstream culinary awards, but we knew there were a handful of people who insist on meat with every meal. For example, one relative complained about an Indian wedding where the food was vegetarian for religious reasons, even though vegetarian Indian dishes are often very hearty. I knew they'd probably complain about our catering but with weddings, you just can't please everybody. I'd say 95% of our guests were happy with the food, a large percentage LOVED it and raved about it to us, and I think less than 5 people went and got hot dogs down the street. I consider that a success!

turnip

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #70 on: January 04, 2016, 02:49:34 PM »
Quote
Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception. 

Because of my strong beliefs, beyond having a vegetarian wedding, we have a vegetarian home.  The husband eats whatever he wants out of the house, but our house is meat-free.  Everyone who comes over gets plenty to eat.  Nobody ever leaves hungry. 

It's best if people give you good, tasty food, but again a wedding is not a Michelin starred restaurant.  The point of it is not the meal.

That is really true and it's why I'm surprised to seem a lot of discussion of 'options' for guests who have food limitations.  No caterer that I talked to offered more that 2 entree options and while I'm sure some would accommodate it, it would doubtless throw the cost of the reception through the roof.

It seems we sometimes go back and forth by saying sometimes that a couple should throw they wedding they can afford and not start the marriage with a boatload of debt, and then when limited food and drink options are discussed we too easily decide it's 'rude' to not have a menu that leaves 100 guests fully satiated and pleasantly tipsy. 

Kimblee

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #71 on: January 04, 2016, 03:10:27 PM »
Quote
Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception. 

Because of my strong beliefs, beyond having a vegetarian wedding, we have a vegetarian home.  The husband eats whatever he wants out of the house, but our house is meat-free.  Everyone who comes over gets plenty to eat.  Nobody ever leaves hungry. 

It's best if people give you good, tasty food, but again a wedding is not a Michelin starred restaurant.  The point of it is not the meal.

That is really true and it's why I'm surprised to seem a lot of discussion of 'options' for guests who have food limitations.  No caterer that I talked to offered more that 2 entree options and while I'm sure some would accommodate it, it would doubtless throw the cost of the reception through the roof.

It seems we sometimes go back and forth by saying sometimes that a couple should throw they wedding they can afford and not start the marriage with a boatload of debt, and then when limited food and drink options are discussed we too easily decide it's 'rude' to not have a menu that leaves 100 guests fully satiated and pleasantly tipsy.

I still think if you KNOW a person coming to your wedding has a absolute food limitation (like an allergy) you should try to give them options.

A friend of mine and her daughters have onion allergy. Very serious ones (the oldest girl looks like someone slit her throat, because someone did. She had a reaction and due to the school brushing it off when she finally got medical care they had to cut the skin of her neck open to find where to put in a breathing tube. She was in a coma at the time so at least she doesn't remember it. The scar is pretty noticeable though.)

Their aunt asked Friend and the girls to be a bridesmaid and flower girls in her wedding. They agreed but Friend reminded the bride of the girls' allergies, was told it's fine. Things would be taken care of. The wedding was exhausting, the wedding party were there when it was still dark outside and the wedding wasn't until afternoon with a long ceremony going into the late afternoon. But the groom's mom brought bagels for their breakfast and assured Friend that they were onion free and she had asked about cross contamination at the shop. (They were indeed fine) That was all they had until evening, but the girls did fine and were waiting patiently for dinner.

At the reception Friend took a bite of her entree (one choice, a chicken dish) and immediately felt her mouth start itching. No sign of onion but her husband when he took a bite went white in the face and ran to keep the girls from trying it.

Friend hurried over to the bride and told her the food had onion and got a blank shrug, So What? Friend said she would have to leave and feed her girls and was told "Okay that's fine, they already did their job."

The girls were hurt that their aunt couldn't care less about whether they got to enjoy the reception and Bride is furious because the girls refused to come back the next day and pose for wedding party pictures.

Could've been avoided by either picking an entree without onion in it, or just buying three plates of something else. But some of the family is taking Bride's side because she shouldn't have to cater to everyone's preferences and Friend should have made the girls dress up again for the pictures. They had an obligation when they agreed to be flower girls.

Spring Water on Sundays

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #72 on: January 04, 2016, 03:16:32 PM »
Quote
Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception. 

Because of my strong beliefs, beyond having a vegetarian wedding, we have a vegetarian home.  The husband eats whatever he wants out of the house, but our house is meat-free.  Everyone who comes over gets plenty to eat.  Nobody ever leaves hungry. 

It's best if people give you good, tasty food, but again a wedding is not a Michelin starred restaurant.  The point of it is not the meal.

That is really true and it's why I'm surprised to seem a lot of discussion of 'options' for guests who have food limitations.  No caterer that I talked to offered more that 2 entree options and while I'm sure some would accommodate it, it would doubtless throw the cost of the reception through the roof.

It seems we sometimes go back and forth by saying sometimes that a couple should throw they wedding they can afford and not start the marriage with a boatload of debt, and then when limited food and drink options are discussed we too easily decide it's 'rude' to not have a menu that leaves 100 guests fully satiated and pleasantly tipsy.

I think what it comes down to is that food is a very emotional thing for many people. Sharing a meal with someone is an ancient way of bonding and we might have specific ideas about what goes into that to show people we care. As such, it's easy to take it personally or to be disproportionately disappointed in a meal you can't eat or that doesn't fit your idea of a "proper" meal.

A vegan/kosher/gluten-free meal can be just as delicious, savory, beautiful and filling as any other kind of meal. It's ok to be privately disappointed in such a meal if you feel every meal should include beef/cheese/bread (like grandma used to make), but it's also vital to look at it objectively to see that "different" doesn't necessarily mean "rude/insufficient" - and that, likely, your hosts aren't gleefully rubbing their hands together at your dismay, or personally judging you for liking to eat meat.

Lynn2000

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #73 on: January 04, 2016, 03:25:05 PM »
I do totally agree that having a less-than-ideal meal once is not a tragedy, and that someone with restrictions should always be prepared to take care of themselves--I always bring a meal bar in my purse to family gatherings, in case I can't eat much of what's offered. But, I do think weddings are a little bit different than, say, a dinner party. Being a milestone event that's often family-oriented, a lot of people will feel pressure (internal or external) to attend, going well outside their comfort zone for the sake of the dignity and importance of the life change. Of course, people with hard limits should still say no; but I think there's a lot of people who aren't that extreme, but are still quite challenged by a meal in a strange place.

It's one thing to RSVP no to a backyard BBQ or even a birthday dinner; quite another to RSVP no to someone's wedding. At least, many people feel that doing so sends a strong message of emotional distance, if you don't have a restriction that's "obvious enough." So you could decide to have a Cuisine X dinner party, and hardly notice the people who declined to attend because you can catch them at another event. But if you decide to have a Cuisine X wedding, you may be forcing people to make tough choices about what they can eat, vs. the emotional importance of attending your wedding.

Of course a number of wedding decisions carry that choice--I would never spend 4 days in another country at someone's wedding, even if they promised me a personal chef making my favorite dishes. That's way too much time, expense, and inconvenience for me to spend, regardless of the food. People often don't know much about what they're going to be served at a wedding reception, though, whereas they would obviously have to know when and where the wedding is in advance.
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HannahGrace

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #74 on: January 04, 2016, 03:26:06 PM »
Quote
Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception. 

Because of my strong beliefs, beyond having a vegetarian wedding, we have a vegetarian home.  The husband eats whatever he wants out of the house, but our house is meat-free.  Everyone who comes over gets plenty to eat.  Nobody ever leaves hungry. 

It's best if people give you good, tasty food, but again a wedding is not a Michelin starred restaurant.  The point of it is not the meal.

That is really true and it's why I'm surprised to seem a lot of discussion of 'options' for guests who have food limitations.  No caterer that I talked to offered more that 2 entree options and while I'm sure some would accommodate it, it would doubtless throw the cost of the reception through the roof.

It seems we sometimes go back and forth by saying sometimes that a couple should throw they wedding they can afford and not start the marriage with a boatload of debt, and then when limited food and drink options are discussed we too easily decide it's 'rude' to not have a menu that leaves 100 guests fully satiated and pleasantly tipsy.

I think what it comes down to is that food is a very emotional thing for many people. Sharing a meal with someone is an ancient way of bonding and we might have specific ideas about what goes into that to show people we care. As such, it's easy to take it personally or to be disproportionately disappointed in a meal you can't eat or that doesn't fit your idea of a "proper" meal.

A vegan/kosher/gluten-free meal can be just as delicious, savory, beautiful and filling as any other kind of meal. It's ok to be privately disappointed in such a meal if you feel every meal should include beef/cheese/bread (like grandma used to make), but it's also vital to look at it objectively to see that "different" doesn't necessarily mean "rude/insufficient" - and that, likely, your hosts aren't gleefully rubbing their hands together at your dismay, or personally judging you for liking to eat meat.

This.  This thread has moved far afield into serious food allergies and the like.  The original question was whether certain food choices were "controversial" to serve at all, to any guests, and I think the example in the linked article is not.  It's healthy, tasty-sounding food that might not be everyone's first pick but does not seem to strike most of us as "controversial." 


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