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Author Topic: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?  (Read 27445 times)

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Sophia

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #75 on: January 04, 2016, 03:30:46 PM »
Looking at the photos in the article posted, I am not impressed.  I know others have said that they'd be fine with the menu, except for one person, but I wouldn't be.  The photos were a lot more green than the just words might lead you to believe.   Also, when you feel the need to list "warm water with lemon juice and ginger" as a significant breakfast offering, there is a problem.  .

Pooky582

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #76 on: January 04, 2016, 04:24:55 PM »
Well, for starters, I was only paraphrasing what the actual guest at the wedding said. But throwing a huge tantrum and ruining your own experience doesn't sound ideal. She threw a wedding where over half the guests were hungry and miserable. Something obviously went wrong.

But, in that specific example, there wasn't one thing I would eat from the appetizers to the tofu soup, so it would be a miserable day for me. Of course, depending on who the HC was, I could always decline if I knew in advance what it would be like. That may be extreme for "one meal", but a 2pm wedding and 6pm reception is a very long day to have no food to eat or enjoy.

And of course it differs when there are moral reasons for being on a specific diet, but I am in the camp that you don't just cater to one group, whether it's five of the guests or 80 out of 100. I had vegan and gluten free and vegetarian options, because I wasn't only worried about myself. Everyone left full and happy.

Lynn2000

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #77 on: January 04, 2016, 04:39:18 PM »
That is really true and it's why I'm surprised to seem a lot of discussion of 'options' for guests who have food limitations.  No caterer that I talked to offered more that 2 entree options and while I'm sure some would accommodate it, it would doubtless throw the cost of the reception through the roof.

It seems we sometimes go back and forth by saying sometimes that a couple should throw they wedding they can afford and not start the marriage with a boatload of debt, and then when limited food and drink options are discussed we too easily decide it's 'rude' to not have a menu that leaves 100 guests fully satiated and pleasantly tipsy.

The advice is that a couple should have the wedding they can afford, while still being polite and showing hospitality to guests. There are lots of ways to make "a wedding" cheaper without being rude and inhospitable, though it may not be "the dream wedding" someone wanted. If they blow their budget on flowers and the dress, and leave their guests with nothing but two crackers and a piece of cheese over a meal time, they've had the wedding they can afford but not been polite or hospitable, so they're still in the wrong.

There is a point at which catering to individual food needs/preferences becomes too much. And there is also a point at which it's too little, and the HC is being too limited in what they serve. But it's hard to say exactly where those points are sometimes, hence why it's often debated.
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QueenfaninCA

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #78 on: January 04, 2016, 06:42:10 PM »
Although the list of foods sounds lovely and not controversial, if this was a multiple day affair, judging by her wedding day diet, I would be starving and correspondingly cranky:

Quote
Her wedding day diet consisted of a pre-breakfast of warm water with lemon juice and ginger, a fresh papaya for breakfast, grilled fresh white fish and small salad for lunch, fresh celery for a snack and protein and veggies for dinner.

Zero protein for breakfast and snacks is not what I would call a balanced diet. Also just some fruit for breakfast would leave me ravenous until lunch.

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #79 on: January 04, 2016, 09:35:17 PM »
Although the list of foods sounds lovely and not controversial, if this was a multiple day affair, judging by her wedding day diet, I would be starving and correspondingly cranky:

Quote
Her wedding day diet consisted of a pre-breakfast of warm water with lemon juice and ginger, a fresh papaya for breakfast, grilled fresh white fish and small salad for lunch, fresh celery for a snack and protein and veggies for dinner.

Zero protein for breakfast and snacks is not what I would call a balanced diet. Also just some fruit for breakfast would leave me ravenous until lunch.

Considering it was specifically described as "her," i.e., the bride's, wedding day diet, I don't see any indication that this was the only food provided for guests. In fact, muffins and "bliss balls" (whatever those are) were explicitly mentioned as some of the breakfast options available for guests. If the bride prefers just fruit for breakfast, whether for this particular day or every day, so what?

Winterlight

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #80 on: January 04, 2016, 09:42:21 PM »
I don't think the wedding meal is too controversial. I'm not sure about the other days- carbs are a need in my book.

However, using her wedding to promote her blog and book seems pretty tacky to me.
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sammycat

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #81 on: January 04, 2016, 10:36:13 PM »
However, using her wedding to promote her blog and book seems pretty tacky to me.

Pod.

I would never spend 4 days in another country at someone's wedding, even if they promised me a personal chef making my favorite dishes. That's way too much time, expense, and inconvenience for me to spend, regardless of the food.

Pod.

sammycat

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #82 on: January 04, 2016, 10:36:25 PM »
A friend of mine and her daughters have onion allergy. Very serious ones (the oldest girl looks like someone slit her throat, because someone did. She had a reaction and due to the school brushing it off when she finally got medical care they had to cut the skin of her neck open to find where to put in a breathing tube. She was in a coma at the time so at least she doesn't remember it. The scar is pretty noticeable though.)

Their aunt asked Friend and the girls to be a bridesmaid and flower girls in her wedding. They agreed but Friend reminded the bride of the girls' allergies, was told it's fine. Things would be taken care of.

Friend hurried over to the bride and told her the food had onion and got a blank shrug, So What? Friend said she would have to leave and feed her girls and was told "Okay that's fine, they already did their job."

The girls were hurt that their aunt couldn't care less about whether they got to enjoy the reception and Bride is furious because the girls refused to come back the next day and pose for wedding party pictures.

Could've been avoided by either picking an entree without onion in it, or just buying three plates of something else. But some of the family is taking Bride's side because she shouldn't have to cater to everyone's preferences and Friend should have made the girls dress up again for the pictures. They had an obligation when they agreed to be flower girls.

 :o >:( :o  What?!

"Preferences" : last time I checked, having an allergy, and a potentially life ending one at that, is not a "preference". Wow. I have no words for the bride or the relatives taking her side. (Well, I do have words, but they're not appropriate for use here).
« Last Edit: January 04, 2016, 10:38:55 PM by sammycat »

gellchom

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #83 on: January 04, 2016, 10:56:40 PM »
I do totally agree that having a less-than-ideal meal once is not a tragedy, and that someone with restrictions should always be prepared to take care of themselves--I always bring a meal bar in my purse to family gatherings, in case I can't eat much of what's offered. But, I do think weddings are a little bit different than, say, a dinner party. Being a milestone event that's often family-oriented, a lot of people will feel pressure (internal or external) to attend, going well outside their comfort zone for the sake of the dignity and importance of the life change. Of course, people with hard limits should still say no; but I think there's a lot of people who aren't that extreme, but are still quite challenged by a meal in a strange place.

It's one thing to RSVP no to a backyard BBQ or even a birthday dinner; quite another to RSVP no to someone's wedding. At least, many people feel that doing so sends a strong message of emotional distance, if you don't have a restriction that's "obvious enough." So you could decide to have a Cuisine X dinner party, and hardly notice the people who declined to attend because you can catch them at another event. But if you decide to have a Cuisine X wedding, you may be forcing people to make tough choices about what they can eat, vs. the emotional importance of attending your wedding.

Of course a number of wedding decisions carry that choice--I would never spend 4 days in another country at someone's wedding, even if they promised me a personal chef making my favorite dishes. That's way too much time, expense, and inconvenience for me to spend, regardless of the food. People often don't know much about what they're going to be served at a wedding reception, though, whereas they would obviously have to know when and where the wedding is in advance.

Excellent point about weddings being special.  But I think that cuts both ways for guests -- i.e., as a guest I'd be less likely to turn down the invitation for the reason that he menu or venue or whatever doesn't appeal to me (like, I hate skating, so I'd take a pass on a skating party, but I'd attend a wedding with a reception at a skating rink with skating instead of dancing).  At the same time, as you point out, if I'm the host, it's more important to me than usual that everyone attend, and I want to be sure the arrangements suit the key guests. 

And I think other people besides the HC have sort of quasi GOH status on this issue at a wedding.

So I would make sure that a wedding menu is something that, say, the parents, siblings, and grandparents can eat (not necessarily their favorite), or at least that a comparable alternative is provided or that the problem food was just a small and easily avoided food.  And I think it would be very rude and seem PA or even hostile for a bride's parents to serve, say, nonhalal food at the reception when they know the groom's family eats only halal, even if an alternative is available; it ignores that this is an important family event for them, too, even though they're not hosting. 

But I wouldn't plan my wedding menu around every lactose- or gluten intolerant or vegetarian or whatever guest I can think of.  They can ask the hosts ahead of time if they have a special dietary need that must be met -- like allergy -- or else just eat what they can. 

We had meatless (but with fish, dairy, and egg) meals for our wedding, both our children's b'nei mitzvah, and our son's wedding.  They were all fantastic. Perhaps some people missed having meat, but they all survived, and it couldn't have been too bad: 33 1/2 years later, my mom is still getting inquiries about the caterer and menu from our wedding (that caterer was fantastic).

Roses

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #84 on: January 05, 2016, 12:11:18 AM »
I don't see what's controversial about grilled fish and various veggies? Sounds like a lovely meal to me.
[/rquote]

Sounds wonderful. I don't see any issues with this type if menu.

cross_patch

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #85 on: January 05, 2016, 03:45:05 AM »
Quote
Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception. 

Because of my strong beliefs, beyond having a vegetarian wedding, we have a vegetarian home.  The husband eats whatever he wants out of the house, but our house is meat-free.  Everyone who comes over gets plenty to eat.  Nobody ever leaves hungry. 

It's best if people give you good, tasty food, but again a wedding is not a Michelin starred restaurant.  The point of it is not the meal.

That is really true and it's why I'm surprised to seem a lot of discussion of 'options' for guests who have food limitations.  No caterer that I talked to offered more that 2 entree options and while I'm sure some would accommodate it, it would doubtless throw the cost of the reception through the roof.

It seems we sometimes go back and forth by saying sometimes that a couple should throw they wedding they can afford and not start the marriage with a boatload of debt, and then when limited food and drink options are discussed we too easily decide it's 'rude' to not have a menu that leaves 100 guests fully satiated and pleasantly tipsy.

I still think if you KNOW a person coming to your wedding has a absolute food limitation (like an allergy) you should try to give them options.

A friend of mine and her daughters have onion allergy. Very serious ones (the oldest girl looks like someone slit her throat, because someone did. She had a reaction and due to the school brushing it off when she finally got medical care they had to cut the skin of her neck open to find where to put in a breathing tube. She was in a coma at the time so at least she doesn't remember it. The scar is pretty noticeable though.)

Their aunt asked Friend and the girls to be a bridesmaid and flower girls in her wedding. They agreed but Friend reminded the bride of the girls' allergies, was told it's fine. Things would be taken care of. The wedding was exhausting, the wedding party were there when it was still dark outside and the wedding wasn't until afternoon with a long ceremony going into the late afternoon. But the groom's mom brought bagels for their breakfast and assured Friend that they were onion free and she had asked about cross contamination at the shop. (They were indeed fine) That was all they had until evening, but the girls did fine and were waiting patiently for dinner.

At the reception Friend took a bite of her entree (one choice, a chicken dish) and immediately felt her mouth start itching. No sign of onion but her husband when he took a bite went white in the face and ran to keep the girls from trying it.

Friend hurried over to the bride and told her the food had onion and got a blank shrug, So What? Friend said she would have to leave and feed her girls and was told "Okay that's fine, they already did their job."

The girls were hurt that their aunt couldn't care less about whether they got to enjoy the reception and Bride is furious because the girls refused to come back the next day and pose for wedding party pictures.

Could've been avoided by either picking an entree without onion in it, or just buying three plates of something else. But some of the family is taking Bride's side because she shouldn't have to cater to everyone's preferences and Friend should have made the girls dress up again for the pictures. They had an obligation when they agreed to be flower girls.

Er, that's a tracheotomy. No need to call it slitting someone's throat.

iridaceae

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #86 on: January 05, 2016, 03:53:19 AM »
I don't mind conforming to food restrictions due to medical or religious reasons. Or even firm dislikes. But I'm not going to let myself eat what some blogger has decided is a healthy menu because she thinks she needs to school me. I am a friend. Not her client or would-be client.
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Spring Water on Sundays

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #87 on: January 05, 2016, 06:43:29 AM »
Quote
Since they are getting married it seems not a stretch to assume her husband loves her, knows about her food preferences, respects them.  My BIL is vegetarian, his GF is not, but I am pretty confident that due to his moral issues with meat consumption they would have a vegetarian reception. 

Because of my strong beliefs, beyond having a vegetarian wedding, we have a vegetarian home.  The husband eats whatever he wants out of the house, but our house is meat-free.  Everyone who comes over gets plenty to eat.  Nobody ever leaves hungry. 

It's best if people give you good, tasty food, but again a wedding is not a Michelin starred restaurant.  The point of it is not the meal.

That is really true and it's why I'm surprised to seem a lot of discussion of 'options' for guests who have food limitations.  No caterer that I talked to offered more that 2 entree options and while I'm sure some would accommodate it, it would doubtless throw the cost of the reception through the roof.

It seems we sometimes go back and forth by saying sometimes that a couple should throw they wedding they can afford and not start the marriage with a boatload of debt, and then when limited food and drink options are discussed we too easily decide it's 'rude' to not have a menu that leaves 100 guests fully satiated and pleasantly tipsy.

I still think if you KNOW a person coming to your wedding has a absolute food limitation (like an allergy) you should try to give them options.

A friend of mine and her daughters have onion allergy. Very serious ones (the oldest girl looks like someone slit her throat, because someone did. She had a reaction and due to the school brushing it off when she finally got medical care they had to cut the skin of her neck open to find where to put in a breathing tube. She was in a coma at the time so at least she doesn't remember it. The scar is pretty noticeable though.)

Their aunt asked Friend and the girls to be a bridesmaid and flower girls in her wedding. They agreed but Friend reminded the bride of the girls' allergies, was told it's fine. Things would be taken care of. The wedding was exhausting, the wedding party were there when it was still dark outside and the wedding wasn't until afternoon with a long ceremony going into the late afternoon. But the groom's mom brought bagels for their breakfast and assured Friend that they were onion free and she had asked about cross contamination at the shop. (They were indeed fine) That was all they had until evening, but the girls did fine and were waiting patiently for dinner.

At the reception Friend took a bite of her entree (one choice, a chicken dish) and immediately felt her mouth start itching. No sign of onion but her husband when he took a bite went white in the face and ran to keep the girls from trying it.

Friend hurried over to the bride and told her the food had onion and got a blank shrug, So What? Friend said she would have to leave and feed her girls and was told "Okay that's fine, they already did their job."

The girls were hurt that their aunt couldn't care less about whether they got to enjoy the reception and Bride is furious because the girls refused to come back the next day and pose for wedding party pictures.

Could've been avoided by either picking an entree without onion in it, or just buying three plates of something else. But some of the family is taking Bride's side because she shouldn't have to cater to everyone's preferences and Friend should have made the girls dress up again for the pictures. They had an obligation when they agreed to be flower girls.

Er, that's a tracheotomy. No need to call it slitting someone's throat.

And serving a guest a known deadly allergen is not the same as not serving meat. Of course we should try not to poison our guests.

ladyknight1

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #88 on: January 05, 2016, 06:51:20 AM »
I don't mind conforming to food restrictions due to medical or religious reasons. Or even firm dislikes. But I'm not going to let myself eat what some blogger has decided is a healthy menu because she thinks she needs to school me. I am a friend. Not her client or would-be client.

POD. Her unilateral decision on a menu for the wedding guests are a no go for me.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

HannahGrace

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Re: Controversial food choices, is it worth it?
« Reply #89 on: January 05, 2016, 07:13:22 AM »
I don't mind conforming to food restrictions due to medical or religious reasons. Or even firm dislikes. But I'm not going to let myself eat what some blogger has decided is a healthy menu because she thinks she needs to school me. I am a friend. Not her client or would-be client.

POD. Her unilateral decision on a menu for the wedding guests are a no go for me.

Don't most couples getting married decide "unilaterally" what they will serve to their guests at their reception?  This is a very strange statement.


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