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Author Topic: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time  (Read 9369 times)

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Katana_Geldar

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Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« on: January 07, 2016, 03:34:42 PM »
So DH and I are going to a destination wedding in a few weeks. It's about two hours drive if where we live and in a nice place I've been to before. It's also around the time of our anniversary and been ages we have had time away that was t to visit relatives, so we're fort of combining the two and staying a few nights. It's a sort of resort where the wedding is with a pool and restaurant.

We are taking DS with us. And I've looked at the times for the wedding and with the ceremony at 2, outside, it was going to be difficult to keep DS quiet and still and not disturb things. But given its right around DS normal nap time, we thought it would be best to tire DS out in the morning, get him his lunch and then nap time during ceremony and we turn up later to reception. DH is friends with the groom so he'll be going and me and DS go to the reception later.

Nap time isn't the be all and end all for DS, he can have it late or miss it. But he does get ratty and cranky and run around and generally misbehaves and not listen to me. Most of the times he's a rather well-behaved and sweet little boy, until he's tired. And we don't want to be those guests who have a tired cranky child at a wedding, particularly when he's going to be far more interested in the food at the reception.

What do you think? I know e-hell has a thing about missing the ceremony but DH will be representing us and we are trying to do the best thing as guests and parents of a toddler. The fact it's a destination wedding where we can stay on site just makes it easier.

AustenFan

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2016, 03:39:36 PM »
I would rather not have a cranky child anywhere near me*, so I think your plan is perfect even if means missing the ceremony. If you decide against it you could see if the resort has childcare or maybe if you are changing time zones DS's nap time will be disrupted enough that you can attend the entire wedding.

*My 6 month old niece is being an absolute pain in the butt right now and her older brother just entered his 'jealous of the baby' phase so I'm touchier about this than I would normally be.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2016, 03:42:21 PM »
I also don't see anything wrong with your plan.  Though you might want to inquire if the resort has a babysitting service.  You and the sitter could put DS down for his nap, then you go to the ceremony and then come back and get DS.  But if they don't have that kind of service, you're fine with what you have planned, IMO.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
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Katana_Geldar

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2016, 03:42:51 PM »
Resort doesn't have child care and I don't think we'd use it with DS still so young, we can't be sure what he'll be like as he's really never had anyone caring for him other than family. And we're not changing time zones, the drive is just 2 hours from where we live.

AustenFan

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2016, 03:50:29 PM »
Then IMO you're fine to skip the ceremony. Parenting is the hardest, most harshly judged job in the world so if anyone gives you grief just keep in mind you're doing your best and ask sweetly if they're offering themselves as babysitters.  >:D

Lynn2000

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2016, 03:53:21 PM »
Well, I don't think anyone wants a cranky kid at their event. But how will you explain your absence from the ceremony, when you turn up at the reception later? I think an HC could legitimately be hurt that you're missing the actual milestone event and then arriving at the party. I mean, some people would, and some people wouldn't, so would it be possible to come up with a couple of alternatives, and then ask the HC which one they prefer?

You've still got a few weeks, so perhaps your feasible options could be: 1) leave DS behind with a sitter, so you both attend the ceremony; 2) bring a sitter with you (like a relative), so you both attend the ceremony and DS might come to the reception; 3) you miss the ceremony to attend DS, but hopefully show up at the reception.

It's quite likely the HC might say they prefer #3, then problem solved because you have their okay. But make sure the other options are really viable for you, because they might pick one of those instead.
~Lynn2000

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2016, 04:03:55 PM »
Our absence at the ceremony will be explained by DH who will be there, he'll say that I'm with DS while DS is having his nap. And I was not looking forward anyway to keeping DS quiet and not disruptive at the ceremony which would be nigh impossible.

We're also not okay leaving DS with a sitter for two nights yet as we don't have one who is willing that he knows that well. And taking one with us isn't an option to as we also are celebrating our anniversary.

And I think the HC are far, far too busy right now organising the wedding than to bother with our childcare arrangements.

Oh Joy

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2016, 04:45:27 PM »
If I were the HC, I think it would pass the "logic test" just fine, but not the "gut test," if that makes any sense.

Of course I can see why it all makes sense (and I have two little ones myself) but it would leave me feeling like, "Gee, I'm glad you could squeeze in the time to let me buy your family dinner while you're on vacation.  Too bad you don't care about witnessing our vows and were obligated to send DH."  I'd totally get over it and never say a word other than support, but that would probably be my private thoughts.

Only you know the dynamics between your family and the HC.  They could very well be truly fine with it.


Mustard

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #8 on: January 07, 2016, 04:50:53 PM »
Have you considered taking your son to the ceremony but being prepared to whisk him away if he starts to get difficult?  Presumably he was invited to attend the ceremony and it would at least show willing... Is a nap feasible between the service and reception?

AustenFan

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #9 on: January 07, 2016, 04:59:41 PM »
I think how the HC receive it depends on how the information is presented. If OPs husband goes to the couple and says "I'm so sorry OP couldn't be here, DS was being an absolute noisy handful and we thought it best she kept him away so he didn't make a scene on your special day, if there was anyway we thought we could keep him under control we both would have been here. I know she is really sad to have missed your beautiful ceremony and is excited to hear all about it. We are hoping DS will have recovered enough to be able to attend the reception", with OP echoing those sentiments at the reception would be much easier for the HC to understand than "Your ceremony interfered with nap time".

Bert

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #10 on: January 07, 2016, 05:02:35 PM »
How many people are going to be attending the ceremony?  The reason I ask is because if its more than, say, 25 or 30, it may be that they don't even notice you and your son missing. 

Not that you aren't important to them, but the day of getting married is often a blur for people.  Most people would notice if one of their parents wasn't their, or a best friend, etc...  But the wife a child of a friend who is not in the wedding party (assuming here)?  Probably wont even register in their minds.

I think it's great to just send your husband, and if it comes up with the married couple, just say that you wanted your son to be on his best behavior, and not be disruptive.  Or to just use AustenFan's wording.

Personally I think you're doing the right thing.

Lynn2000

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #11 on: January 07, 2016, 05:03:09 PM »
If I were the HC, I think it would pass the "logic test" just fine, but not the "gut test," if that makes any sense.

Of course I can see why it all makes sense (and I have two little ones myself) but it would leave me feeling like, "Gee, I'm glad you could squeeze in the time to let me buy your family dinner while you're on vacation.  Too bad you don't care about witnessing our vows and were obligated to send DH."  I'd totally get over it and never say a word other than support, but that would probably be my private thoughts.

Only you know the dynamics between your family and the HC.  They could very well be truly fine with it.

Yeah, that's kind of my feeling. Again, I would probably be going, snap out of it, Lynn, it makes perfect sense! But, you know, it might be helpful if you just shot them a quick email, with a couple of options. The revised options could be, you bring DS to the ceremony but leave if he gets fussy, or you just don't show up at all. Even say, we'll do the latter if we don't hear back from you. That way if they get busy, they don't even have to reply at all, but you've done your due diligence in checking with them. I agree it's a fine line between "making a decision so I don't bother the HC" and "making an assumption the HC didn't like."

And, AustenFan also has a good point. That's another way to play it, like it was unexpected.
~Lynn2000

Hmmmmm

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #12 on: January 07, 2016, 05:04:53 PM »
I think it's fine. I've yet to meet a couple who could tell you who attended the reception but not the ceremony unless it was under 30 guests. I'd be hurt if my best friend or sister, but your plans seems extremely reasonable to me.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #13 on: January 07, 2016, 05:06:31 PM »
Possibly we could do that, but I don't know how long it's going to be to get him to sleep in an unfamiliar room. If we tried to do it between ceremony and reception, it might be to short a period to happen at all or if it does we might need to wake him to go to the reception.

And this is still taking a cranky toddler that NEEDS a nap to a wedding ceremony. It'll be a foregone conclusion we have to take him out, so why not just not take him at all and not annoy everyone.

We're only considering this really because DH pointed out the couples reactions when we took DS to their engagement party. He was only three months old then, but was making a bit of noise and distraction that annoyed the bride. We did spend a significant part of the party out of the party room feeding and getting him to sleep. DH noticed this so he doesn't think it's a good idea to take DS to the ceremony at all. The groom is his friend though and I know him too, he's very easy going and generous, he'll just be glad to see us.

Alicia

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Re: Skipping ceremony for toddler nap time
« Reply #14 on: January 07, 2016, 05:13:09 PM »
Just double checking is DS invited to the wedding?  Honestly it would hurt my feelings if i were the bride and the wedding  was skipped for a nap.  I think it is not rude but not nice. I would do an early wake up and an early nap say 11 till 1230.
So is it rude not exactly but not nice in my book either.


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