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Author Topic: Save the Date followed by email wedding details  (Read 3193 times)

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rainbowkitty

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Save the Date followed by email wedding details
« on: January 30, 2016, 10:15:03 PM »
Last year we received a save the date card for a cousins wedding.  We recently received an email saving the invitations were coming in the mail but to help us plan "here are the wedding details".  Includes a friday night get together, saturday evening wedding and sunday brunch.  They have also reserved a block of rooms in a hotel for those that want to book early as it will fill up.  As it's a 4 hour drive away we are planning on staying the night (going saturday to sunday only).  The problem is we don't know if our kids (teenagers) are invited or not which makes a difference in booking a hotel room or rooms...Is there any polite way to ask or do we wait for the invite and hope that there are still hotel rooms available?

HannahGrace

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Re: Save the Date followed by email wedding details
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2016, 10:19:28 PM »
Was the envelope on the save the date addressed to your family, or to you and your husband only?  That would be a good indicator.

gellchom

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Re: Save the Date followed by email wedding details
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2016, 03:24:23 AM »
Was the envelope on the save the date addressed to your family, or to you and your husband only?  That would be a good indicator.
I agree, especially if it is addressed to all or family. 

But even if it's just addressed to the parents, that doesn't mean the kids won't be invited.  Save the dates aren't mandatory for all guests, nor do the conventions for invitations about whose names go on the envelope, or how many adults included, apply. 

It's your cousin, so I'd ask, probably by email.  "Dear Cousin Lulabelle, We got the save the date, and we are so excited!  Quick question -- do you know yet whether the kids will be invited too, or just the older generation this time?  Either way is fine, of course -- we are just trying to do advance planning.  Can't wait!  Congratulations again.  Love, rainbowkitty"

I wouldn't do it as quickly with a non relative though.  Only for a very close, "like family" friend who has a close relationship with the kids, too, such that you have good reason to believe your kids will be invited even if other people's kids aren't.  In my experience, it is not common for other nonrelated guests to be invited as whole families. 

Lynn2000

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Re: Save the Date followed by email wedding details
« Reply #3 on: January 31, 2016, 05:49:31 PM »
I think this is a case where it's okay to ask the host/HC/etc. who exactly is invited. They have sent both a paper Save-the-Date and an email with further info, to allow people to plan ahead, and are encouraging people to book hotel rooms early, in advance of the paper invitations being sent. However, you can't follow their advice unless you know who from your household is invited--unless you are willing to book two rooms (or whatever) and then cancel them if it turns out your kids aren't invited, which could be a reasonable alternative depending on the hotel's cancellation policies.

I like gellchom's wording, or something like, "Hey Bride, thanks for the info and head's-up about booking early! I think we're definitely going to do that, but we're uncertain how many hotel rooms to get--are Bobby and Susie also invited? Looking forward to the wedding! Love, etc.."
~Lynn2000

lowspark

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Re: Save the Date followed by email wedding details
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2016, 08:14:18 AM »
I think this is a case where it's okay to ask the host/HC/etc. who exactly is invited. They have sent both a paper Save-the-Date and an email with further info, to allow people to plan ahead, and are encouraging people to book hotel rooms early, in advance of the paper invitations being sent. However, you can't follow their advice unless you know who from your household is invited--unless you are willing to book two rooms (or whatever) and then cancel them if it turns out your kids aren't invited, which could be a reasonable alternative depending on the hotel's cancellation policies.

I like gellchom's wording, or something like, "Hey Bride, thanks for the info and head's-up about booking early! I think we're definitely going to do that, but we're uncertain how many hotel rooms to get--are Bobby and Susie also invited? Looking forward to the wedding! Love, etc.."

The bolded was exactly what I was going to suggest. Find out the hotel's cancellation policy. Most of them are something like 24 hours but even if it's a few days, surely you'll have the actual invitation in hand in plenty of time to cancel. If it's a case of "once you've booked, you're hooked" then yeah, I'd definitely contact the hosts.
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Margo

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Re: Save the Date followed by email wedding details
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2016, 05:04:30 AM »
I think in the circumstanes it is OK to check. they are specifically recommending that you book rooms. I'd mail bakc with something like "tahnk you for the information, it's relaly helpful to be able to plan ahead. So we now whether we should be booking one hotel room or two, could you let us know whether you plan to invire the kids, or just [spouse & I]?" you could add "we're  assuming that it is just the two of us but just wanted to double check in case we were mistaken" which makes it very clear that you are not fishing for an inviatation for the kids, and makes it easy for them to confirm either way.

I would not book and then cancel a room as that potentially means that another guest will be unable to book, so seems a bit inconsiderate, particualrly as it sounds as though spadce may be limited.

Lynn2000

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Re: Save the Date followed by email wedding details
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2016, 09:53:20 AM »
I think in the circumstanes it is OK to check. they are specifically recommending that you book rooms. I'd mail bakc with something like "tahnk you for the information, it's relaly helpful to be able to plan ahead. So we now whether we should be booking one hotel room or two, could you let us know whether you plan to invire the kids, or just [spouse & I]?" you could add "we're  assuming that it is just the two of us but just wanted to double check in case we were mistaken" which makes it very clear that you are not fishing for an inviatation for the kids, and makes it easy for them to confirm either way.

I would not book and then cancel a room as that potentially means that another guest will be unable to book, so seems a bit inconsiderate, particualrly as it sounds as though spadce may be limited.

That was my only concern about booking two rooms, then waiting for the invitation and possibly cancelling one room--that in a limited block of rooms, hanging on to that extra one might prevent another guest from staying there. It depends on the exact situation, though. Since the HC have really emphasized the necessity of booking rooms early, I do think that opens the door to contacting them for clarification, without being rude or tacky.
~Lynn2000