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Author Topic: Already married  (Read 16943 times)

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Seeker23

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Already married
« on: February 09, 2016, 09:22:08 AM »
A while ago I posted about save the dates and how much info is too much. Well things have progressed since then. Sadly both my mother and MIL have been diagnosed with terminal illnesses and, as my mother so tactfully put it, are 'racing each other to die'. With the very real possibility that one or neither will make to the wedding in July, my SO and I made the difficult decision to bring the wedding forward, though we are keeping the July date as a vow renewal/celebration of life type thing.  But we are unsure as to how to tell everyone we will already be married. To be fair, a large percentage of the families already know as it's impossible to keep a secret but what about those who don't know? I was thinking an announcement after the March wedding, but my SO wants to redo the invites. I'm against this option as they are now ready to be posted (plus our funds are now extremely low as we are essentially paying for two weddings) but perhaps a letter inside explaining what we have had to do? Problem is, they will go out before the March wedding and I don't want people to then ask why they weren't invited to the wedding (which is purely parents and siblings).
Any advice would be gratefully received.

ladyknight1

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Re: Already married
« Reply #1 on: February 09, 2016, 09:24:45 AM »
Can you have the later event be a delayed reception only while skipping the ceremony part?

The fact that the invitations are prepared would be a null for me, since things have changed since they were ordered.

I'm sorry that your mothers are in bad health and hope for the best for both of them.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Lynn2000

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Re: Already married
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2016, 09:45:05 AM »
I think, given the situation, it would be alright to send out the invitations as-is (saying, "You are invited to the wedding of.." or whatever), and include a note that says something like, "Due to the unfortunate health situation for both our mothers, we will actually be married at the time of this event. However, we hope you will be able to join us for a vow renewal and celebration of life at the same time and place."

You don't have to specify, "We will be getting married on March 16, but you aren't invited to that." Just say that by July, you'll already be married.
~Lynn2000

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Already married
« Reply #3 on: February 09, 2016, 09:48:49 AM »
I would put a separate note in the invites, explaining the circumstances.

'Due to the terminal diagnoses for both of our mothers, we are bringing the wedding ceremony forward with immediate family [or however you describe the smaller ceremony group] only in attendance so the mothers will see us get married.  But we would still like to have everyone celebrate with us in July on the date we originally planned.'

Does that work?
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VorFemme

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Re: Already married
« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2016, 09:51:06 AM »
I agree with having the original date be a delayed reception, with an announcement going out to non-family members who might not be aware of the health of your mothers that "due to unforeseen circumstances (name the medical issues only if you feel comfortable), the wedding has been moved up to *new date* to make sure that (our mothers) will be able to see us get married". 

I would think that the family members who are close to one or both women are probably already aware that their health is not the best...but they might not realize what the doctors have said.

(((hugs)))  It can't be easy....on any of the people involved.
« Last Edit: February 09, 2016, 09:52:39 AM by VorFemme »
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lowspark

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Re: Already married
« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2016, 11:00:03 AM »
I would be very careful of how you word it. The wording below is risky:
"the wedding has been moved up to *new date* to make sure that (our mothers) will be able to see us get married"

If I received an invitation with that wording I'd interpret that to mean the entire affair has been moved up and I'm invited.

I don't think you need mention the date at all.
We will be married in a private ceremony with immediate family only so that our mothers can witness the event. We will then go on with our originally planned celebration at the date and time as noted in the enclosed invitation. We hope that you will be able to join us for a vow renewal and reception at that time.
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NFPwife

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Re: Already married
« Reply #6 on: February 09, 2016, 11:04:55 AM »
I think, given the situation, it would be alright to send out the invitations as-is (saying, "You are invited to the wedding of.." or whatever), and include a note that says something like, "Due to the unfortunate health situation for both our mothers, we will actually be married at the time of this event. However, we hope you will be able to join us for a vow renewal and celebration of life at the same time and place."

You don't have to specify, "We will be getting married on March 16, but you aren't invited to that." Just say that by July, you'll already be married.

I like this or lowspark's wording, nothing to add except my hugs and warm thoughts. I'm so sorry.

gellchom

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Re: Already married
« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2016, 11:17:26 AM »
My heart goes out to you and to both families.

Under these circumstances, I wouldn't worry about calling the second event a vow renewal instead of a wedding.  (I'm not crazy about the term anyway -- vows are supposed to be permanent and not need renewal, certainly not after just a few months.)   No one can possibly take this as wanting too much attention or "defrauding" anyone or lying about anything.  I'd just go ahead and call it your wedding, if that's what you want

I do like the idea of including a note such as lowspark suggests.  You can omit it in the invitations of those who are so close that they already know what's going on (your brother) or who are so remote that it's none of their business (your dad's office assistant).


Outdoor Girl

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Re: Already married
« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2016, 11:19:40 AM »
We will be married in a private ceremony with immediate family only so that our mothers can witness the event. We will then go on with our originally planned celebration at the date and time as noted in the enclosed invitation. We hope that you will be able to join us for a vow renewal and reception at that time.

This gets my vote.

(((Hugs)))  Though I do have to say that I appreciate your mother's sense of humour. 
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rose red

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Re: Already married
« Reply #9 on: February 09, 2016, 11:27:00 AM »
I also vote for a separate note inside the invitation. Everyone will understand given the situation.

Mustard

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Re: Already married
« Reply #10 on: February 09, 2016, 11:34:05 AM »
So sorry Seeker23 x

Seeker23

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Re: Already married
« Reply #11 on: February 09, 2016, 12:08:12 PM »
Thank you all for the input. I think a note is the way to go too. I would like to call July a blessing ceremony so all the family and friends can witness and celebrate with us. But we're British and don't do emotion so il word it a little less fluffily :)

Tea Drinker

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Re: Already married
« Reply #12 on: February 09, 2016, 12:45:27 PM »
Thank you all for the input. I think a note is the way to go too. I would like to call July a blessing ceremony so all the family and friends can witness and celebrate with us. But we're British and don't do emotion so il word it a little less fluffily :)

Would "public blessing of our marriage" work and not feel too fluffy/demonstratively emotional?
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EllenS

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Re: Already married
« Reply #13 on: February 09, 2016, 04:15:38 PM »
Or you could call the July event the "public celebration of our marriage" as opposed to the private event.

In certain religious communities I've been connected to, it is very common to separate the public, traditional ceremony from the legal event even by several months. As long as there's no pretense, no problem.

Hugs and I'm sorry for all your family is going through right now.

shhh its me

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Re: Already married
« Reply #14 on: February 09, 2016, 05:36:00 PM »
  I would take a moment and try to nail down how many people wont just know organically.  IE your siblings will know , I assume youre Mother and Mils siblings will know , your BBFs should know .  If you find out there are 15 people you wouldn't tell orgnaically , then I would just make sure they know if its 90 people then I would change the invites.


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