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Author Topic: How Do I RSVP?  (Read 3192 times)

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Angel B.

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How Do I RSVP?
« on: February 16, 2016, 04:59:47 AM »
Hi Everyone! I may be overthinking this but hopefully you all can help me figure out what to do.

I have been a part of a sports team since September, and have been trying to integrate(with success) myself with the girls, many of whom have been playing together for years.

One of the girls is getting married and she posted to our group chat an invitation to attend her reception. We were requested to RSVP directly to her.

On one hand, I'd love to go! It would be my first wedding in the UK.

However these are the issues I have:
a. I don't know her very well, but she is very nice.
b. I also don't know who else from my team is going, and feel a little odd going and not knowing anyone that well.
c. Based on the invitation, I assume +1s are not invited, so my SO would not be going. This is obviously fine, and I will not be asking if he is included. So I will be going alone.
d. It is about a 2 hour journey on public transportation.

I may ask around to see who might be going, but I feel a little odd asking people. I think I'm sort of leaning towards declining because of my issues.

If/When I do RSVP(via text per her request), can I ask if she is registered somewhere/if there is somewhere I can send a card? I would like to send a gift since she is someone I would like to keep/have a good relationship with.
My greatest treasure is love beyond measure.
-Il barbiere di Siviglia


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Re: How Do I RSVP?
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2016, 06:12:10 AM »
Yes, you can ask if she is registered anywhere, however, if you are only invited to the evening reception there is no presumption that you give a gift. (You may want to ask whether there is a gift list , or wedding list, registered anywhere, rather than asking whether they are registered anywhere - it's not the most common usage here!)

You could ask other members of the team if they are going - I don;'t think this would be weird, you know that they are invited, so you are not going to put your foot in it!


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Re: How Do I RSVP?
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2016, 08:34:52 AM »
I don't do the Facebook thing, but ...oh, I think I just figured this out.  I was going to say that it's odd to invite people to an event via Facebook and not have the option of people posting if they're attending or not.  But maybe it's just too easy to click on the, I'll be there, on Facebook so she asked for direct rsvp's. It a good idea actually.


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Re: How Do I RSVP?
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2016, 08:56:55 AM »
Sorry, I had to cut that short.

So it's two hours away, each way, to the reception. You would be going alone.  You're not sure if you'll know anybody there.

It all depends on your personality. A two hour trip on a long distance greyhound bus would be something I would enjoy with a book. (You would want an e-book instead because who wants to lug around an actual book at a reception...then again, would the battery last?) And a relaxing snooze.

But on city transit, you'll be getting off a train, on a bus, then another bus and probably another city's transit.  Not so relaxing and much harder to get into a book.  So, is this something that would stress you out?

Are you very social? If you know no one there will you likely proactively meet people and have fun with them?

Do you drink? Two hours to get home would not be fun for me at all, even if I only had two drinks.

But your first wedding in the UK! And the transit situation would probably be educational, and meeting new people can often be life changing.  I know your question was "how do I rsvp?" But I find all the challenges of going much more interesting.  Let us know how it goes, if you do go.


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Re: How Do I RSVP?
« Reply #4 on: February 16, 2016, 09:34:16 AM »
My best guess is that the bride was hoping at least part of the team would come together, that's why she invited the group of you in a fairly public way and didn't include any additional guests, that way you could travel together and know each other at the event. Whether that's realistic or not probably depends on how close your team is and whether there are any of them you'd like to travel with.

If it were me (because I'm personally not willing to travel for four hours to spend an evening alone), I'd put off replying about the invitation until I had a chance to ask around and see if anybody else is going and wants to coordinate travel. Once you've established that, you're fine to text her back with your acceptance or regrets. Either as part of that text exchange or separately, you're fine to ask what gifts they'd like and what her address is so you can send her a card or gift.
"The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln 


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Re: How Do I RSVP?
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2016, 11:09:45 AM »
I would absolutely ask others in the group about if they are going and how to handle this properly. Based on your post, it appears that you're relatively new to the country and the team so I wouldn't think it at all weird for you to ask the others a sort of "how's it done here?" kind of query.

From the other side of it, if someone had just moved here from the UK and had joined a group of friends of mine and we got a similar invitation, I would not be at all surprised if that person asked me what I was doing for the wedding. In fact, even if it weren't a new person from another country, I wouldn't be surprised.

I often ask friends (or they ask me), when we know that we're both/all invited to a particular event,
-if they are going
-what they are wearing
-if they are getting a gift/want to go in on a gift (if that's applicable)

You know they're all invited... so start up a dialog. I see no reason to be shy about it.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: How Do I RSVP?
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2016, 11:54:04 AM »
I agree; ask the rest of the team what they are doing and what the customs are, since you are new to the area.  Perhaps gifts aren't customary when just invited to the dance portion of the evening but the team wants to each kick in a few dollars/pounds to give the bride a team gift.  You might even be able to carpool with someone.  You won't know unless you ask.   :)
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.


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Re: How Do I RSVP?
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2016, 08:31:32 PM »
Is this one of those UK weddings where you are only invited to the dessert part, and not the proper ceremony/reception? If so, I'd definitely give it a miss.

Angel B.

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Re: How Do I RSVP? Update #8
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2016, 07:10:19 AM »
An update!

I asked around and two of the girls that I know fairly well are going to go, and I imagine more will as well. The bride is a long standing member of the team.

LifeonPluto, I'm not sure if it is just the dessert portion. We are not invited to the ceremony. It starts at 7 so I imagine we ought to eat dinner prior, but I'll check with the other girls to see what is the practice.

I RSVP'd yes and now have to find a (guest appropriate) dress! I did ask for a gift list and the bride said she would send it closer to the date since the wedding isn't until April.

Very excited!
My greatest treasure is love beyond measure.
-Il barbiere di Siviglia


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Re: How Do I RSVP?
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2016, 12:49:53 PM »
I'm glad you've said yes!

It sounds like you've been invited to the evening reception. From my experience you don't need to bring a gift, but as you're part of a team they may decided to club together on a team gift.
And, although it may be 2 hours on public transport, here in some parts of the U.K that could be just a short car ride!! If some of the other girls are going it might be worth asking if they're thinking of hiring a taxi and sharing it between you! It could work out cheaper and quicker!!

Hope you have fun!


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Re: How Do I RSVP?
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2016, 12:57:22 PM »
Just be aware that there will most likely be a cash bar; it's just how it's done here.  All the evening receptions I've been to have had some sort of buffet.  I hope you have a good time!