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  • November 20, 2017, 04:58:56 PM

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Author Topic: And so it begins...  (Read 5954 times)

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Diane AKA Traska

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  • Posts: 4638
  • Or you can just call me Diane. (NE USA EHellion)
Re: And so it begins...
« Reply #15 on: April 17, 2016, 06:27:49 PM »
If you pay off a blackmailer you just get more blackmail.

If you dump reasonable people in favor of unpleasant people, you wind up with a life full of unpleasant people.

I was going to read this thread without commenting... but this is probably the best advice I've seen. Ever. Not even just on this site.

Heed this!
Location:
Philadelphia, PA

Chez Miriam

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Re: And so it begins...
« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2016, 01:01:37 PM »
If you pay off a blackmailer you just get more blackmail.

If you dump reasonable people in favor of unpleasant people, you wind up with a life full of unpleasant people.

I was going to read this thread without commenting... but this is probably the best advice I've seen. Ever. Not even just on this site.

Heed this!

Absolutely this.
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

LEMon

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  • Posts: 1642
Re: And so it begins...
« Reply #17 on: April 18, 2016, 08:01:05 PM »
Think of this as building the foundation of your new life together. Your decision will have an impact: good or bad, and not just short term. If you go ahead and appease her, you will be stressed* which will stress your love, your mother will be emboldened to manipulate further, and you both will be constantly waiting for the next incident.

*Not just in the planning to the wedding, and the wedding, but in the future when you remember the feelings around the wedding.

Start drawing your boundaries now. Start living your boundaries now. Start enforcing your boundaries now.
Play act with safe people how to handle her. Ask for advice here (lots of people have had to deal with this and can speak from experience). Find ways to get rid of the guilt, the emotions she uses. Find a way to live how you want to live.

I wish you love, joy, and peace.