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Author Topic: Thanks for a Gift Never Received?  (Read 3989 times)

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Mayadoz

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Thanks for a Gift Never Received?
« on: May 17, 2016, 03:03:14 AM »
It was my birthday a couple of months ago and for the first time in God-knows-how-many years, my SIL decided to send me an actual gift.

(We usually do online gift certificates for stores we know the other likes. SIL likes them because she splits her time between two different countries so knowing where - and when - to send parcels can be tricky, and personally I am always happy to spend time browsing for new goodies.)

Anyway....the item has never arrived and, by now, I'm assuming it's got lost.

Last time I spoke to SIL was a few weeks ago and I did tell her - in response to her asking - that I hadn't received anything, but I'm wondering what I should do now. I don't want her to think I haven't bothered so thank her for her gift, but it feels a bit weird to express gratitude for something I've never received.

I also don't want her to think that by actively getting in touch to tell her that the gift is a no-show that I expect anything else, because I definitely don't, or that I'm unhappy at not receiving a gift. (She can be very touchy and I think this is how she would take it.)

Is there an ehell-approved course of action so that I can acknowledge her kindness while making it clear that the reason I haven't said thank you is because I haven't received the package? We're not particularly close and I do feel I need to be careful how I do this.
Life is short. Buy the shoes. Drink the wine. Order the dessert.

corrsfan

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Re: Thanks for a Gift Never Received?
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2016, 05:37:57 AM »
I wouldn't do anything more since you already told her it hadn't arrived when you spoke a few weeks ago so she is aware of the situation. And I assume that you already thanked her for the thought back then. Even if it is not at all your intention, a reminder that the gift still hasn't arrived could be taken as a "please remedy this" request and I wouldn't take that risk, particularly since, as you say, she can be touchy. If the gift eventually arrives, do contact her soon after and confirm you have received it and thank her again. If it doesn't and she asks, say no, it never arrived but thank her again for her kindness.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Thanks for a Gift Never Received?
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2016, 06:15:12 AM »
As a gifter, I'd like to know if you never got something I sent.  Would she want to try to resolve the problem?  If so, let her know that it never arrived.

Kaypeep

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Re: Thanks for a Gift Never Received?
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2016, 07:10:33 AM »
Don't do anything.  You've done all you can.  Your bday was months ago, she asked a few weeks ago and you informed her you never received the gift.  There's nothing else for you do to.  I would not thank her for anything and bringing up the gift again in any way will just be awkward.  Drop it and put it out of your mind.   If she gets in a huff it's her problem, not yours.  She's probably more frustrated at the shipping company and might take it out on you, so don't risk it and just move on.

MindsEye

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Re: Thanks for a Gift Never Received?
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2016, 10:03:04 AM »
As a gifter, I'd like to know if you never got something I sent.  Would she want to try to resolve the problem?  If so, let her know that it never arrived.

This.  I would give her a heads-up that the gift still hasn't arrived so that SIL can take steps to be reimbursed by the seller.  If I were SIL I wouldn't want to be in the position of having paid for something that never showed up!

flyersandunicorns

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Re: Thanks for a Gift Never Received?
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2016, 10:34:08 AM »
She shipped it, so if she doesn't know it didn't arrive, how could she try to file a loss claim on it? Years in shipping/receiving has taught me that if you are expecting something, if it doesn't show up, you need to let the shipper know.

I'd keep it casual in that "I just wanted to let you know that the gift never showed up, it seems lost in transit but I will let you know if it shows up. I just wanted to let you know in case you had insurance on it and wanted to file a claim!"

Roodabega

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Re: Thanks for a Gift Never Received?
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2016, 10:57:42 AM »
Don't do anything.  You've done all you can.  Your bday was months ago, she asked a few weeks ago and you informed her you never received the gift.  There's nothing else for you do to.  I would not thank her for anything and bringing up the gift again in any way will just be awkward.  Drop it and put it out of your mind.   If she gets in a huff it's her problem, not yours.  She's probably more frustrated at the shipping company and might take it out on you, so don't risk it and just move on.
I see your point, but if it was me, I'd want to know that it still hadn't arrived so that I could track it down.  (assuming something was really sent of course).  I would be more put out at the thought of wasting the money.   I know everyone thinks differently, but it wouldn't occur to me to think that the person informing me was only interested in getting the gift.   I would attribute it to concern for the money I spent.

Of course I would feel totally different if I had never sent anything, had no plans to send something, and I was contacted with concern that "my gift must have gotten lost in transit".

bah12

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Re: Thanks for a Gift Never Received?
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2016, 11:01:53 AM »
I think the appropriate thing to do is let her know it never arrived.  I would want to know in her shoes, so that  I can track down the package or get a replacement gift sent from whoever I purchased it from.  She spent money on the package, so it's only right that she know the company did not make good on the transaction.

As for a 'thank you', I would assume you are appreciative of the fact that she's attempting to send you a gift, so thanking her for the gesture is not wrong. 

Mayadoz

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Re: Thanks for a Gift Never Received?
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2016, 01:50:18 AM »
Thanks for all the responses.
DH will be calling her in the next couple of days so I'm hoping there'll be an opportunity then to say something like:
"By the way SIL, I do hope you don't think I've been rude by not thanking you for the birthday gift yet, but it still hasn't arrived. I think by now we have to assume it's got lost en route, but it was still lovely of you to send me something and I do appreciate it."

That way, it's up to her and if she wants to try and recoup her costs from the postal service and I feel I've done my duty! I do feel it's a slightly sticky subject as I have a big problem with the fact that her husband NEVER says thank you for gifts, or even acknowledge he has received one, to the point where I now refuse to send him one. My view is that if he can't be bothered to show appreciation, I can't be bothered to make the effort. (OH sadly doesn't want to make waves so he still sends something every year....)

Roodabega - Evil Maya also had the thought "assuming something was really sent". That's a whole other story but I wouldn't be surprised if it hadn't been....!
Life is short. Buy the shoes. Drink the wine. Order the dessert.