News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 24, 2017, 10:30:58 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!  (Read 11253 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

KenveeB

  • Member
  • Posts: 8863
Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« on: June 06, 2016, 01:43:29 PM »
Oh. My. God. I just saw a friend's Facebook post about a "wonderful" new idea for the bouquet toss.

"At our nephews wedding today.  The bride offered a special gesture... Instead of throwing a bouquet to all the single girls, she took apart her bouquet and handed each girl a flower and prayed with each girl, to wait on the man that God has for them."

I can't think of many ways a bride could be more condescending and self-righteous. I honestly don't know if I could stay friends with someone who pulled this. Singling out each girl for humiliation is bad enough, but announcing to everyone that they can't fulfill their purpose in life until they have a man?? Ugh!!

Mustard

  • Member
  • Posts: 1976
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2016, 01:48:09 PM »
And double ugh...

LadyL

  • Member
  • Posts: 3429
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2016, 01:51:20 PM »
Instead of throwing a bouquet to all the single girls, she took apart her bouquet and handed each girl a flower and prayed with each girl, to wait on the man that God has for them."

I think this is a "know your audience" kind of thing. I've attended some wedding ceremonies that involved group activities with a strong religious component like this; in some cases most of the guests were members of the religion in question and weren't bothered by it. In those cases I try to politely and unobtrusively excuse myself so that I wouldn't have to participate. If I get "stuck" I think of it like being at a table where grace is being said; I can bow my head and have my own moment of silence while others pray.

I won't pretend it doesn't make me uncomfortable but my momentary discomfort is not worth a visible disruption of someone else's wedding. I do make notes however of how presuming all guests have the same religious beliefs/political affiliation/etc. can lead to less than inclusive hosting, and try to avoid such situations at events I host myself.

KenveeB

  • Member
  • Posts: 8863
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2016, 02:02:24 PM »
It's less the prayer aspect of it than pulling each woman up individually to announce that you think something is wrong with her so you're praying for God to fix it.

Outdoor Girl

  • Member
  • Posts: 16414
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2016, 02:03:28 PM »
I think giving a flower out the bouquet to every woman there is a lovely idea.

But the rest of it?  Yeah, not so much.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Redneck Gravy

  • Member
  • Posts: 3812
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2016, 02:15:42 PM »
I have always hated the bouquet toss anyway; but to pray for a man for me.

Oh eHell no!



auntmeegs

  • Member
  • Posts: 3466
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2016, 02:37:02 PM »
IMO the bouquet toss/garter thing need to die anyway, but this is even on its own level of horrible. 

NFPwife

  • Member
  • Posts: 1926
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2016, 03:00:36 PM »
I agree with LadyL, there are cultures where this would be totally appropriate and appreciated by the young women. It would be the equivalent of my culture's bridal/ money dance, cookie table, and chicken dance.

That said, I think if the group is at all culturally mixed or single ladies are culturally diverse it should not be done.

To the "waiting" - that might not mean waiting for a man to start your life, it might mean remaining chaste and patient.

Although there are some Christian sects in which the "wait on God for the man he's sending you" message is interpreted as "don't start your life, don't be out there, just wait." I posted about one of my friends here and a dating dilemma she was having. In regards to her dating life, she recently said to me, "I think being involved in church and being told I needed to wait on God is why I'm single." I was joking and said, "What were you doing, waiting at home, hoping the UPS guy would deliver the package, the sky would open and Handel's Hallelujah chorus would play?" She said, "Yeah, pretty much." We were talking about the "Wait on Boaz" memes on FB and I said, "Whenever I see those, I want to say, 'Y'all know Boaz died the day after the wedding right?'  " I went on a bit and we were laughing really hard, at some point she stopped me and said, "But it's really not the right message to send young women." All that to say, she's "in the tent" and I don't think she'd approve of this idea. (I see her this week, I'm asking her.)

Chickadee

  • Member
  • Posts: 431
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2016, 03:20:45 PM »
It's less the prayer aspect of it than pulling each woman up individually to announce that you think something is wrong with her so you're praying for God to fix it.

I didn't read that as the Bride saying there was anything wrong with the young women. She prayed with them.

Definitely a "know your audience" thing.

rose red

  • Member
  • Posts: 9554
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2016, 03:40:20 PM »
I wouldn't like this, but perhaps it's fine with this wedding party. Also it depends on how she did it. Pull up single women up one by one (no thanks), or made an announcement for the single women to gather around for her "special" prayer? I also hope anyone who didn't want to participate are not called out and badgered to join in (like my cousin did for the bouquet throw >:()
« Last Edit: June 06, 2016, 03:42:04 PM by rose red »

mime

  • Member
  • Posts: 1824
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2016, 03:58:51 PM »
It's less the prayer aspect of it than pulling each woman up individually to announce that you think something is wrong with her so you're praying for God to fix it.

I didn't read that as the Bride saying there was anything wrong with the young women. She prayed with them.

Definitely a "know your audience" thing.

Yeah, that's how I read it, too.

Count me in as another person who thinks the whole "let's single out the unmarried people" idea should just die, whether it is for prayer or to catch a bouquet.

Hmmmmm

  • Member
  • Posts: 8883
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2016, 04:07:15 PM »
It's less the prayer aspect of it than pulling each woman up individually to announce that you think something is wrong with her so you're praying for God to fix it.

I didn't read that as the Bride saying there was anything wrong with the young women. She prayed with them.

Definitely a "know your audience" thing.

Yeah, that's how I read it, too.

Count me in as another person who thinks the whole "let's single out the unmarried people" idea should just die, whether it is for prayer or to catch a bouquet.
Agree it's a know your audience. Most of my family and social circle would see it as a sweet gesture, not something implying the women were lacking in some way. I've never been to a wedding where the single men or women were brow beaten to join in the garter/bouquet toss like some of the stories I've read here. It's always been a participate if you want activity. So I'd assume the women who came up for the garter toss were willing participants and they probably weren't offended to be handed a flower with a prayer by a friend of theirs, or at least someone they liked and knew well enough to want to attend the wedding.

iridaceae

  • Boring in real life as well
  • Member
  • Posts: 3573
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2016, 04:30:18 PM »
It's less the prayer aspect of it than pulling each woman up individually to announce that you think something is wrong with her so you're praying for God to fix it.

I didn't read that as the Bride saying there was anything wrong with the young women. She prayed with them.

Definitely a "know your audience" thing.

Yeah, that's how I read it, too.

Count me in as another person who thinks the whole "let's single out the unmarried people" idea should just die, whether it is for prayer or to catch a bouquet.

Well it is awfully presumptuous of the bride to assume that a) none of them were seeing someone; b) were straight; and c) were all looking for a guy at all. Or that her prayers work better than theirs.
Nothing to see here.

rose red

  • Member
  • Posts: 9554
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #13 on: June 06, 2016, 04:44:22 PM »
Count me in as another person who thinks the whole "let's single out the unmarried people" idea should just die, whether it is for prayer or to catch a bouquet.

Some people love it and think it's just silly good fun (catching the bouquet, not prayers). It's forcing unwilling people into joining that I object to.

FauxFoodist

  • Member
  • Posts: 4988
Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2016, 05:04:25 PM »
Oh. My. God. I just saw a friend's Facebook post about a "wonderful" new idea for the bouquet toss.

"At our nephews wedding today.  The bride offered a special gesture... Instead of throwing a bouquet to all the single girls, she took apart her bouquet and handed each girl a flower and prayed with each girl, to wait on the man that God has for them."

I can't think of many ways a bride could be more condescending and self-righteous. I honestly don't know if I could stay friends with someone who pulled this. Singling out each girl for humiliation is bad enough, but announcing to everyone that they can't fulfill their purpose in life until they have a man?? Ugh!!

I didn't interpret it like this at all but as being chaste and/or being patient that the right spouse for them will come along.  As others have stated, I do think it's a know-your-audience thing, although I wouldn't have done it for my wedding.  The bouquet toss *is* humiliating enough (I realize, for some, it's all in "good fun" but, for me, the "good fun" is that these single women are supposed to be wanting to increase their chances at getting married so I wouldn't have wanted that spotlight upon me; maybe it's in good fun when you're in your 20s but when you hit your 30s and 40s and never been married due to no one wanting to marry you, you don't really want to highlight that).

I don't like bouquet tosses.  I didn't do one for my wedding, but I also don't think, other than my niece, that there were any remaining unmarried female guests.


Sorry, this topic is locked. Only admins and moderators can reply.