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Author Topic: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders  (Read 14693 times)

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Semperviren

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My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« on: June 09, 2016, 08:09:37 PM »
My daughter enjoys experimenting with her hair and is fairly adventurous about it, going from a long blond pageboy, to long auburn hair, to a bob, to long purple bangs. I allow her to do this, my feeling being that it's just hair, it will grow, and it's a fairly safe form of "rebellion" as far as that goes.

She has, with my permission, shaved a portion of her hair- it's basically a 1.5" swath from above her left ear, around the ear and down to her neck. The rest of her hair remains the same. She did it well, for a home job- it's nice and neat (if a bit close to the skin for my taste and looks a bit irritated right now). I don't particularly like it, but it's her hair, it's just hair, and if she decides she doesn't like it, well, lesson learned while it grows out.

All that said, it's a more "extreme" look than most of our friends and family have seen on her. Some of these folks are very conventional as well as being outspoken and opinionated. DD is a sensitive kid and I would like some ready responses to remarks like "I hate it", "You're such a pretty girl, why would you do that to yourself?", "Why on Earth did you let her do that?" Etc. I need polite but firm; I want DD to know that I have her back but be able to show her how to respond without being rude or blowing my cool.

artk2002

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2016, 08:21:29 PM »
I had a lot of very sarcastic answers. Stupid opinionated people bring that out in me. Instead: "She's happy and it doesn't bother me." Then change the subject (bean dip.) If they persist, repeat exactly the same words and bean dip again. Third time "I've said it doesn't bother me. She is happy. That's the end of it. Please drop the subject." Then walk away.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

gmatoy

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2016, 08:30:28 PM »
"Out of all of the things she could do, if this is the worst thing, I will just be grateful!"

"She asked, I agreed. If I, the parent, am okay with it, why are you concerned?"


"It was this or a permanent tattoo or piercing. I choose this."

shortstuff

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2016, 08:35:16 PM »
I've seen that style on quite a few people lately - a coworker of mine did a couple more inches above the ears, and on both sides.  When she wore her hair in a ponytail, it almost looked like a mohawk.  She modeled it after celebrities.  Your daughter's hair sounds very tame by comparison.  You could use that as an "answer" in that it is an explanation but not JADEing, and then you have your bean dip ready to go. 

For what it's worth, we have a somewhat-conservative dress code that is enforced since we deal with higher-end than average clientele, and it was no problem at my work.  We're still very anti tattoo, for example.  Guess my workplace agrees with you that it's just hair! 

ladyknight1

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2016, 08:35:42 PM »
"It's her choice."

I shaved half my head down to 1/2" of hair and had a bob on the other half. It was silver with pink and purple.

No regrets.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

HannahGrace

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2016, 08:38:05 PM »
I would say something like, "Good for her!  I wish I had the confidence at her age to go crazy with my hair."  Because, speaking for myself, I wish I did!

MamaMootz

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2016, 08:54:45 PM »
Yes - my daughter is 13 years old and I let her completely dye her hair - and it's lovely. She has purple that grows out and blends down into teal and it is her entire head.

For one thing, I joke that I can always find her in a crowd.

She does get judgmental folk all the time - either people tell her how much they love it or people judge her and me for it.

I shrug and say "She's 13 and it's only hair. If this is how she chooses to rebel, it's a far better choice than drinking or drugs and I'm happy about that."

I personally love her hair and think it's awesome. I attached a pic for your viewing pleasure  8)

"I like pie" - DD's Patented Bean Dip Maneuver

Semperviren

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2016, 09:14:19 PM »
Mama Mootz, that is gorgeous!

Sharnita

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2016, 09:24:42 PM »
Hmm, mixed feelings. On the one hand, I tend to agree that it is a fairly harmless form of rebellion. On the other hand, it IS kind of rebellious. I don't know that you can be rebellious AND object to comments on the rebellion. You don't have to criticize but she is going to run into people who will. I am not sure I'd run a whole lot of interference. If they try to involve you, by all means share your philosophy.

baritone108

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2016, 09:52:40 PM »
A simple shrug of the shoulders along with the phrase, "I like it."  Sometimes this will be met with the original commenter saying something like, "Well, I hate it" or "I think you're crazy".  Then you say, "To each his own" and beandip.

sweetonsno

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2016, 10:19:01 PM »
"How kind of you to take an interest" sounds appropriate for this one.
You have just begun reading the sentence you have just finished reading.

Tierrainney

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #11 on: June 09, 2016, 10:24:50 PM »
First off, I agree with you. It is just Hair. it will grow and change. And more importantly, it is her hair, so not their business.


On the other hand, it is still in most parts of the USA a very unusual thing for a girl to shave all or part of her head. Whether or not she gets comments, she will get stares.  When I was a teen, the son of a friend of my Mother (and definitely Not my friend, he had been a whiney and annoying child since infancy) shaved both sides of his head, leaving the top long. It was a mohawk cut, I suppose, but I never saw it spiked up. I was a quiet, polite child and never said anything to him, but I got scolded by my Mother anyway, as he did not like it when people looked at him and had complained to his Mother, who told my Mother. As apparently, I had looked at him  ::)   My response was that if he didn't want people to look at him, he shouldn't have done anything unusual to his hair.


I think you should help your daughter come up with a few deflecting phrases that she and you can use for the commenters, such as "it's just hair" or "she likes it" or other similar bland responses. Then break out the bean dip.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

HoneyBee42

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #12 on: June 09, 2016, 10:56:11 PM »
To be honest, I think that these days, hair dye in "unnatural" colors or extreme styles isn't so much rebellion as a simple style choice (and trying to find one's own style is a pretty normal part of growing up).

So, I'd just go with saying "it's only hair" or something very neutral.

Back when I was a teenager, I had subscribed to a magazine that described the "it" colors for nail polish for fall which included a dark shade of mulberry (really quite pretty), and with my mother's approval, I got that nail polish and wore it.  Scandalized the other ladies at church who were sure that it was going to turn me into a streetwalker.  My mom's take was "It's ten bits of polish at the ends of her fingers, not something to worry about".

doodlemor

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #13 on: June 09, 2016, 11:26:19 PM »
"How kind of you to take an interest" sounds appropriate for this one.

Or "How kind of you to say so."

Channel your inner Dowager Countess and drawl these [or anything else] in your poshest drawing room voice.

Ida

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #14 on: June 09, 2016, 11:32:43 PM »
"It's not a problem."

Mic drop.
Where's my Barbie Action Figure??


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