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Author Topic: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders  (Read 14704 times)

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TabathasGran

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #60 on: June 10, 2016, 08:22:02 PM »
A positive answer is always good.

"Why did you let her do that to her hair?"

"Because it's so much fun! I wish I had the confidence to try new things like that."

Or misread a negative comment as a positive.

"What has she done to her hair?!?"

"I know. Isn't it fun?"

"Aren't you worried about what people will think?"

"Whatever do you mean? I can't imagine anyone would fuss about hair that's not their own."

(which hopefully also shuts down additional fussing on their part.)

These are really great responses. Very graceful.

MaryR

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #61 on: June 11, 2016, 12:45:56 PM »
I honestly love what young people are doing with their hair now. If those dyes were available when I was young, I would have had so much fun with them. (I'm too lazy to mess around with them now.)

The only time I comment on someone's appearance is when I am asked my opinion and even then, I am always kind. Even if I think its horrible, I can find something kind to say. Interesting or unusual are always pretty good words.

I could be very wrong, but I'd imagine that for every rude comment you hear, there are 10 other people silently admiring the look. What I am trying to say and being very awkward about it is that at my age, I'm afraid to tell a young person that I don't know well that I love their hair. I'm always afraid that they will think "Geeze, that old lady likes my hair, how awful! I must have done something wrong, I'm going to go home and cut it all off!"

Bees

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #62 on: June 11, 2016, 01:32:03 PM »
pod  I think MaryR has the right idea. Too many people thought the purple bangs were cool...so not cool.  Let them make remarks  about the buzz cut strip before she decides to move on to tattoo.

Lady Snowdon

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #63 on: June 11, 2016, 05:24:47 PM »
A lady that I work with has something similar, I think, to what the OP is describing: a buzzed strip just above her ears (she has it on both sides) with the rest of her hair long.  I have admired it since I first saw it! 

When I was maybe 17 or so, I wanted to get highlights in my hair.  My dad told everybody he was going to bribe the stylist to dye my hair purple.  If anyone was shocked or horrified at the idea of purple hair, he told them, "I want her to know that it's okay to do something crazy if you feel like it".  I always liked that answer.  It's okay to do something that everyone else thinks is crazy.

Funny story: My natural hair color is a plain dark brown.  Not "melted chocolate" or anything like that, just dark brown.  A couple of times I dyed it red, which I loved (way too much work though for all the time!).  My mom happened to show a coworker of hers, who is Irish, a picture of me with my red hair.  This coworker was horrified.  "Why did she dye it such a common color?" she wailed, "Tell her to stop dyeing it and let her husband see the beautiful brunette that he fell in love with!"  :P  I laughed so hard when my mom told me that - I think of red as a very unusual hair color, and here this coworker of my Mom's thought my brown was more special!

Allyson

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #64 on: June 11, 2016, 07:03:43 PM »
That said, our OP is no less "opinionated" about what hairstyles are socially appropriate than the elders she's concerned about.  And no one is more right...it's completely a subjective and personal position.

There's a place for the True, Kind, and Necessary test of what we say.  But if our OP wants to hear either agreement or nothing, then she should expect it to extend to both parties and all topics.

And I do find that a smile and a breezy "It works for us," is a good all-purpose phrase.

I'd agree with you if the OP were *asking* for somebody's opinion on the hair, and then getting mad when someone didn't like it, but it doesn't sound like that's the case. WHat do you mean by "both parties and all topics"? I don't really think not wanting to hear negative comments about appearance can be extended to other things, it's really only hypocritical if OP or her daughter were insulting their relatives hair, and I doubt that's happening!

Thipu1

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #65 on: June 11, 2016, 08:56:43 PM »
What goes around comes around. Dying hair unnatural colors is nothing new.  Roman women admired the blonde hair of German women.  Some wore wigs and some bleached.  There's the graffiti from the time. 

'The golden curls that Gullah wears are hers. Who would have thought it?  She swears they're hers and true she swears for I know  where she bought it'.

Does anyone remember the 1960s and 1970s when there were jokes about the 'blue-haired old ladies'?  These women with grey hair used blue rinses to make their hair more 'silver'.  Sometimes the dye-job came out beautifully.  Sometimes the procedure resulted in ladies with violet or even pink hair.  There were even women of an 'advanced age' who dyed their hair a shoe polish black to retain their youthful looks. No one was fooled. 

When I was in college during the late 1960s, it was the fashion to have a streak of white hair put into your brown
 or black locks. The streak was obviously fake and often looked awful but who cared? It was the style. 

Experimenting with haircuts and colors is both an innocent and creative form of teenage rebellion.  frankly, I enjoy it.

 

Semperviren

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #66 on: June 11, 2016, 09:15:12 PM »
Quote


That said, our OP is no less "opinionated" about what hairstyles are socially appropriate than the elders she's concerned about.  And no one is more right...it's completely a subjective and personal position.



I don't care what anyone does with their hair and I don't run around airing my thoughts on other people's hairstyles. I have opinions; that is a different thing from being opinionated. The individuals I am speaking of are not being asked for their thoughts on this and, in general, do not wait to be asked. They are invariably critical, negative, dogmatic, and do not deliver their opinions in a respectful manner. They place a higher value on their self-expression than they do on other people's feelings. That is being opinionated.
« Last Edit: June 11, 2016, 09:18:59 PM by Semperviren »

kudeebee

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #67 on: June 11, 2016, 11:40:28 PM »

snipped by me

The individuals I am speaking of are not being asked for their thoughts on this and, in general, do not wait to be asked. They are invariably critical, negative, dogmatic, and do not deliver their opinions in a respectful manner. They place a higher value on their self-expression than they do on other people's feelings. That is being opinionated.

Ah, yes, we all know or have relatives/friends like that.  They really don't care about anyone else's opinions or thoughts but their own. It would be nice if they would listen to what is said back to them about their comments being hurtful and that they would stop, but unfortunately they most likely won't.  So, you have a choice as to how you react.

Personally, I would keep it light and bean dip them. It is not worth getting into a long discussion or going back and forth and having you/dd get upset. If you give too long of an answer, they will only try to argue with you, give reasons, etc. 

I agree with something like "It works for us." and then beandip. 
If they say it again--"You've already said that.  It works for us." and beandip.
A third time?  I wouldn't even respond.

I would talk with dd ahead of time and tell her what will probably occur and maybe role play with her some similar responses that she can use.  "I like it, so does mom and dad."


TootsNYC

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #68 on: June 12, 2016, 09:38:00 AM »
Quote


That said, our OP is no less "opinionated" about what hairstyles are socially appropriate than the elders she's concerned about.  And no one is more right...it's completely a subjective and personal position.

I went back and re-read the original post several times; then I went searching for anything Semperviren added later on.

I could not find anything she said that in any way expressed a judgment about other people's hairstyles.

What are you basing this on?

I really hate when people get picked apart or counter-attacked here; it's really squelching, and it doesn't make people feel safe here.

Winterlight

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #69 on: June 12, 2016, 10:49:01 AM »
I'd stick to, "I think it's lovely," delivered with a sweet smile.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

crazycatlady331

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #70 on: June 12, 2016, 12:52:22 PM »
My cousin (16) just went from blue to purple hair.  She considers Katy Perry her celebrity hair icon (as she changes hair colors all the time). 

I also think some elders feel they have more say in little things.  It could be generational or come with age.  My grandmother is always complaining about my hair and ever since I turned 30 keeps asking me when I'm going to chop it all off because I'm 'too old for long hair."  (I have Kate Middleton style hair).  I explain it is a different era and I'm allowed to do what I want with my own hair.   

She bugs my above mentioned cousin a lot about her hair.  My aunt told her to mind her own business.


Dr. F.

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #71 on: June 12, 2016, 01:39:22 PM »
Quote


That said, our OP is no less "opinionated" about what hairstyles are socially appropriate than the elders she's concerned about.  And no one is more right...it's completely a subjective and personal position.

I went back and re-read the original post several times; then I went searching for anything Semperviren added later on.

I could not find anything she said that in any way expressed a judgment about other people's hairstyles.

What are you basing this on?

I really hate when people get picked apart or counter-attacked here; it's really squelching, and it doesn't make people feel safe here.

Pod.

artk2002

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #72 on: June 12, 2016, 01:46:45 PM »
Quote


That said, our OP is no less "opinionated" about what hairstyles are socially appropriate than the elders she's concerned about.  And no one is more right...it's completely a subjective and personal position.

I went back and re-read the original post several times; then I went searching for anything Semperviren added later on.

I could not find anything she said that in any way expressed a judgment about other people's hairstyles.

What are you basing this on?

I really hate when people get picked apart or counter-attacked here; it's really squelching, and it doesn't make people feel safe here.

I absolutely agree. There's a massive gulf between having opinions and pushing them, unasked, onto others. "Opinions are like noses -- everybody's got one."
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

cass2591

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Re: My daughter's hair and opinionated elders
« Reply #73 on: June 12, 2016, 03:14:12 PM »
We're done here.
There is no pie in Nighthawks, which is why it's such a desolate image. ~ Happy Stomach

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ~ Mark Twain

Adopting a pet won't change the world, but it will change the world for that pet.


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