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Author Topic: Scruffy Hospitality  (Read 10139 times)

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cattlekid

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #15 on: June 27, 2016, 01:35:53 PM »
I will invite my friends over anytime because they understand "scruffy hospitality".    What you see is what you get.  I might have something to feed you or we might have to wait until the pizza guy arrives.  There might be dog hair on the furniture and we might have to sit at the kitchen table, where I might have to remove the day's junk mail.  But we will have good conversation and enjoy each other's company as I load the dishwasher.

I will not invite over DH's family because they do not understand "scruffy hospitality".   DH and I used to stress for at least two days ahead of time cleaning and making sure all the "right" foods are on hand.  Then during the visit we were walking on eggshells to make sure everything was "just so".....then we realized that we were only doing this to try to make people happy who were happier having something to find fault over.  So we dropped the rope and quit.  There was a little grumbling, but we did not budge.  It was no longer worth it to us to endure the stress.

EllenS

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #16 on: June 27, 2016, 02:00:49 PM »
I have 3 levels: ordinary rotation, which means I work my way through the house on a weekly basis and set things back to a hygenic/livable mode (Dusted, vacuumed, trash out, not tripping on things). But because I split the jobs up, the whole house is never all clean at once on this level.

We often have impromptu playdates or neighbors/close friends drop by to chat. Kid guests and drop-bys get whatever state they find. If that means the public areas are a disaster because it's"tidy the bedroom" day, so be it.

Level 2 is a planned visit or casual party with friends or "comfy" relatives. They get the bathroom "swish and swiped," fresh hand towels, the floors and surfaces tidied, and the vacuum run.

Level 3 is all-hands-on-deck detail clean. That's for my MIL, my dad's wife, and holiday or special-occasion parties. I do my best to get the place looking like an open house for sale. Since we have a small house, 2 kids, and lots of ongoing improvement projects, we're always a bit like, "welcome to casa de wishful thinking," but we do get it sqeaky-clean.

I guess we're scruffy, but I'm much happier and have better friendships since I stopped planning every visit or panic-cleaning because folks were coming.

lilfox

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #17 on: June 27, 2016, 02:59:10 PM »
I didn't realize there was a term for it but that's where I fall for most visits.  I have a friend who calls it "kitchen friendship" when you're close enough to just help yourself to a drink or snack, but then her house is always extremely tidy so it's more about feeling relaxed in someone's house and not about the cleaning.

I clean on a weekly-ish rotation but like others, everything is rarely 100% freshly cleaned at the same time.  The most effort I make is if people with cat allergies are coming over - they get a freshly vacuumed and wiped-down house (as in within an hour of their arrival).  For others, it may be a day or two (or more) since the place was last vacuumed.  The house has two adults and two children living here all the time and it shows.  There is always some stuff on the counters (a few magazines, a water glass, today's mail) and scattered around the floor (toys that escaped my notice, shoes that haven't gotten put away yet).  I never think twice about that stuff, and thankfully I've never had anyone be openly judgmental about the state of our house.

The only houses I've been in where I was uncomfortable with the level of clutter were those where you really couldn't sit down anywhere, or one person at a time could but not everyone, and the only places to set a plate of food were the areas where you could pile stuff on other stuff to clean a plate-sized spot.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #18 on: June 27, 2016, 03:04:28 PM »
The most effort I make is if people with cat allergies are coming over - they get a freshly vacuumed and wiped-down house (as in within an hour of their arrival). 

From what I've read, it is actually better to vacuum the day before for allergy sufferers because the vacuuming can make some of the dander airborne and having a day to settle is actually better.  I'll have to look into that, again.
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EllenS

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #19 on: June 27, 2016, 03:06:54 PM »
Personally, I think if we've reached a point in our culture where people need to be told that it's okay to have people over if your furniture doesn't all match, there is something horribly wrong.

cattlekid

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #20 on: June 27, 2016, 03:23:36 PM »
I would also say that people need to be told that it's not okay to judge or gossip about others if their furniture doesn't all match.   :(

Personally, I think if we've reached a point in our culture where people need to be told that it's okay to have people over if your furniture doesn't all match, there is something horribly wrong.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #21 on: June 27, 2016, 03:31:23 PM »
To play devil's advocate, that phrase is a slippery slope to "well, my house is (truly) filthy dirty, but it's okay because that's chic now." I'm cringing at "but it's the perfect place for an authentic evening"; that's right up there with a phrase I see on parenting blogs sometimes, about how only "real" and "caring" parents skip cleaning, bathing & basic rules "because we care more about our kids than you." Yes, I saw at the end where she tried to softshoe it with (paraphrasing) "oh golly, my tidy friends are authentic, too, I'm not saying they aren't"  ::)

I'm rolling my eyes at "If there are papers piled on the table before my friends arrive, I throw them on the chair at the end where no one sits." There's a fine line between "nobody will notice if my chairs are new" and "let's pile the junk next to the guests"

This one from the comment section sums it up for me:

Quote
...it's just basic respect for guests. One can get used to living with their own mess, but one shouldn't assume that your friends are comfortable with your mess...
« Last Edit: June 27, 2016, 03:34:44 PM by TeamBhakta »

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #22 on: June 27, 2016, 04:06:39 PM »
There's a difference between clutter and filth.

I live in a tiny house so some surfaces are cluttered...my desk being the most notable...but it's not filthy.  I sweep, mop, dust, vacuum and clean on what I'm pretty sure is a typical schedule, the cat boxes are regularly scooped etc.

It depends on the house too...I think it's unrealistic to show up to the home of a pet owner and not expect there to be a bit of pet hair around. (A bit, not tumbleweeds all over)
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Winterlight

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #23 on: June 27, 2016, 04:39:04 PM »
To play devil's advocate, that phrase is a slippery slope to "well, my house is (truly) filthy dirty, but it's okay because that's chic now." I'm cringing at "but it's the perfect place for an authentic evening"; that's right up there with a phrase I see on parenting blogs sometimes, about how only "real" and "caring" parents skip cleaning, bathing & basic rules "because we care more about our kids than you." Yes, I saw at the end where she tried to softshoe it with (paraphrasing) "oh golly, my tidy friends are authentic, too, I'm not saying they aren't"  ::)

I'm rolling my eyes at "If there are papers piled on the table before my friends arrive, I throw them on the chair at the end where no one sits." There's a fine line between "nobody will notice if my chairs are new" and "let's pile the junk next to the guests"

This one from the comment section sums it up for me:

Quote
...it's just basic respect for guests. One can get used to living with their own mess, but one shouldn't assume that your friends are comfortable with your mess...

Yes, the author seems to see scruffy as a virtue and comes off as rather smug to me.
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Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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Hmmmmm

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #24 on: June 27, 2016, 06:17:36 PM »
To play devil's advocate, that phrase is a slippery slope to "well, my house is (truly) filthy dirty, but it's okay because that's chic now." I'm cringing at "but it's the perfect place for an authentic evening"; that's right up there with a phrase I see on parenting blogs sometimes, about how only "real" and "caring" parents skip cleaning, bathing & basic rules "because we care more about our kids than you." Yes, I saw at the end where she tried to softshoe it with (paraphrasing) "oh golly, my tidy friends are authentic, too, I'm not saying they aren't"  ::)

I'm rolling my eyes at "If there are papers piled on the table before my friends arrive, I throw them on the chair at the end where no one sits." There's a fine line between "nobody will notice if my chairs are new" and "let's pile the junk next to the guests"

This one from the comment section sums it up for me:

Quote
...it's just basic respect for guests. One can get used to living with their own mess, but one shouldn't assume that your friends are comfortable with your mess...

Funnily enough, it was comments like that one and the box in the dining room that made the article ok for me. I know people who wouldn't move the papers from the table. They'd just move them to the center or to the side of the table and expect people to put their plates around them. Or the one box in the corner of the dining room becomes a dozen or so after a few months and that becomes the permanent home.



siamesecat2965

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #25 on: June 28, 2016, 07:40:14 AM »
There's a difference between clutter and filth.

I live in a tiny house so some surfaces are cluttered...my desk being the most notable...but it's not filthy.  I sweep, mop, dust, vacuum and clean on what I'm pretty sure is a typical schedule, the cat boxes are regularly scooped etc.

It depends on the house too...I think it's unrealistic to show up to the home of a pet owner and not expect there to be a bit of pet hair around. (A bit, not tumbleweeds all over)

Exactly! my apt may sometimes be cluttered, and ok, maybe a smidge dirty and dusty, but it's never gotten to the stage of actual filth.

I laugh because I regularly dog and housesit for friends and she insists on cleaning the house before I come! Um, I don't care. Their house is never filty, ok, maybe some doggie hair tumbleweeds that go under the furniture, but its usually pretty clean to begin with, but she insists. Ok fine, but I've told her if she ever runs out of time, don't worry about it!

ladyknight1

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #26 on: June 28, 2016, 07:47:15 AM »
I've never lived in conditions that could be described as filth and am taken back that some posters seem to think scruffy is akin to filth.  :o

Quote
filth

/filTH/

noun

noun: filth

disgusting dirt.
"stagnant pools of filth"

synonyms: dirt, muck, grime, mud, mire, sludge, slime, ooze


Also, I hope that anyone with deplorable conditions to that level does not entertain.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
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miranova

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #27 on: June 28, 2016, 08:19:52 AM »
Seriously.  There is a whole lot of gray area between pristine and filth, surely.

tabitha

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #28 on: June 28, 2016, 09:39:03 AM »
I think filth is a bit of a weird word.  To some it just means very, very dirty.  And according to the definition up thread, I think posters meant what they said.  Surfaces around faucets and taps, behind toilet bowls, on the wall beside the stove quickly get filthy in a small apartment with 3 plus people living there, and cooking there, even when a weekly a scrub down occurs.

But I remember hating the words filth or filthy as a kid because the level of disgust in my mother's voice when she used these words, along with the twisted lip and wrinkled nose and how she would practically spit them out. 

My mother could swear and curse like a old, leathered sailor, especially when she was in the kitchen.  But the one horrible word that stood out and shocked me more than anything was when she said something was filthy.

So I really understand how some would dislike the word.

Of course, now that I'm living in a tiny apartment without closets, with two teenage girls and a dog, despite a weekly cleaning of the kitchen and the bathroom, the word filth is one of the first to come to mind.

I only entertain two of my closest friends.  One who teases me about the mess.  But it is what it is and I'm exhausted. I hate it, it depresses me, and I would certainly make sure that it was scrubbed from the East window to the West before entertaining anyone else.

I don't think that cleaning the place well is me not being "authentic" it's me having the home the way I would like to have it and have had it and will have it when times are less busy and the girls mature a bit.

Cleanliness has never put a damper on a conversation for me.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Scruffy Hospitality
« Reply #29 on: June 28, 2016, 10:33:04 AM »
I've never lived in conditions that could be described as filth and am taken back that some posters seem to think scruffy is akin to filth.  :o

Quote
filth

/filTH/

noun

noun: filth

disgusting dirt.
"stagnant pools of filth"

synonyms: dirt, muck, grime, mud, mire, sludge, slime, ooze


Also, I hope that anyone with deplorable conditions to that level does not entertain.

Joie gave a good description IMHO of the difference in scruffy and filthy. Do you not agree that her description rises to the dictionary level of filthy?

There's a big difference...

 ...between having mismatched chairs and having chairs that are filthy to the touch.

 ...between dishes in the sink and dishes that have been in the sink long enough to have started their own ecosystem.

 ...between having an unswept floor and having a floor covered in grime.

 ...between not having vacuumed and dusted and a space that smells musty and is covered in dust.

 ...between clutter and a "hoard."

Unfortunately, there are folks who will misread the article to excuse a particularly filthy home.