I think it really could be a personality thing, Honey comes across like a "more the merrier" type and a natural extrovert. Her boundaries are pretty open. It seems like you'd prefer some stronger boundaries with others, that's okay. It doesn't have to raise to the level of a "safety issue" for you not to want to socialize with strangers. Maybe, at first, this really felt like it was all about the food, but, since it bothered when Honey adhered to all your requests, I'm thinking you don't want to have to break bread and make small talk with strangers. That's fine. (That's the reason I don't like to go to hibachi places without a group large enough to fill a full table. I don't want to be in a forced situation and have to make chitchat with strangers. And, I'm a natural extrovert and, generally, love meeting new people. The difference is at a party or more "open" social event, I can move on if I encounter someone who sets my teeth on edge. I can't do that at hibachi.)
I'm also wondering if you view these events as opportunities for quality time with your daughter (and maybe the other friends) and having the other people present dampens that? My husband's love language is quality time and, if we go to an event or out with other couples, it doesn't "count" as quality time because it wasn't just him and me. On the other hand, we could go to the grocery store together and it's quality time because it's just us.