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  • November 20, 2017, 05:36:28 PM

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Author Topic: I provide dinner for campsite- but someone there invites all neighboring sites!  (Read 11509 times)

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gramma dishes

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I love happy endings!   :)

lowspark

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I have been following this thread but had no comment until now. It sounds to me like Honey is really a very nice and generous person. She really wants to share and maybe before now, she just didn't think about there not being enough.

She took what you said to heart regarding not inviting others at mealtime, but made sure to bring enough dessert so that there would be plenty to share with a spur-of-the-moment acquaintance at camp. That, combined with the fact that Honey & Ralph's sole purpose is (apparently) to help out (probably they enjoy it too, but after all, helping is their main purpose), I have to say that Honey seems like a really nice person.
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rose red

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Op here - it was a lot better than before.

We were getting our camping chairs set up, table set up to arrange the food, and Honey was over talking to some people over in another campsite that aren't with our group, just campers.  I wasn't staring at her, but did notice that she was over there and wondered if she was going to invite them to join us.  When she came back to our site (alone) she seemed fine, we all ate, talked, and had a nice dinner.  Honey then waved the other campers (2 adults, 2 kids) over for dessert, which Honey had brought and there was plenty of it (large cake). 

So, since she brought it I can't say much, and in fact it ended up being nice to talk with this family.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but this makes it sound like you wanted to say something, but I'm puzzled why. It's rude for her to invite others to share your food, but she's sharing her food this time.

Runningstar

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Op here - it was a lot better than before.

We were getting our camping chairs set up, table set up to arrange the food, and Honey was over talking to some people over in another campsite that aren't with our group, just campers.  I wasn't staring at her, but did notice that she was over there and wondered if she was going to invite them to join us.  When she came back to our site (alone) she seemed fine, we all ate, talked, and had a nice dinner.  Honey then waved the other campers (2 adults, 2 kids) over for dessert, which Honey had brought and there was plenty of it (large cake). 

So, since she brought it I can't say much, and in fact it ended up being nice to talk with this family.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but this makes it sound like you wanted to say something, but I'm puzzled why. It's rude for her to invite others to share your food, but she's sharing her food this time.

I did want to.  To me it just wasn't a safe thing to do, inviting strangers over no matter how nice they seem.   She is very friendly and welcoming, but she invited strangers over and then later she went home to her house while we slept in a couple of tents. 

I believe that I need to take a break from camping next month (which would be the last time this year) and start fresh next summer with her.  Because no matter how I put it - it does sound like I'm picking on her, and I don't want to do that. 

Zizi-K

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I'm sorry, it's hard for me to understand the perceived danger here. You were both campers at a campsite. By inviting them over to share a piece of cake on your picnic table, you put yourself at risk for bodily harm or ??? Couldn't they do that just as easily if they hadn't met and socialized with you? If you think of it that way, that all you have as protection is a tent, then camping is a very scary activity indeed! Your reaction seems strange to me. I don't know.

ladyknight1

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  • Not all those who wander are lost
I understand your reaction, OP. Honey seems to be a very nice person, but perhaps on the extreme end of being nice.

Camping is fun, but it can be dangerous. I would not be comfortable having relative strangers invited to my campsite without me knowing and approving ahead of time. We usually camp with other Scouting families or groups, so it isn't such an issue for us, but it can be an issue in other situations.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

shortstuff

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I'm sorry, it's hard for me to understand the perceived danger here. You were both campers at a campsite. By inviting them over to share a piece of cake on your picnic table, you put yourself at risk for bodily harm or ??? Couldn't they do that just as easily if they hadn't met and socialized with you? If you think of it that way, that all you have as protection is a tent, then camping is a very scary activity indeed! Your reaction seems strange to me. I don't know.

I agree, the update made me kind of  :o too.  Especially considering earlier, it was suggested the Honey bring her own food to share, and that idea was not shot down. 

Plus, on rereading the thread, I saw how OP used the word infuriate, and conceded she had a strong reaction to Honey due to not saying anything years earlier.  I'm wondering if there is a bit of witch eating crackers here?  Because OP specifically told Honey to invite people ahead of time, not last minute, and to sign up for the potluck ahead of time, which Honey did, and to bring enough food for all, again, which Honey did. 

Quote
Well, I sent out a facebook chat message to the other families in our little group and included Honey on it.  This was for the initial menu planning, but also includes arrival times, where to meet up, etc.  I asked the group as a whole to invite other campers to this potluck - so that they could let us know what they plan to bring.

Honey has signed up to bring a dessert, which is great - and this morning I sent her a private message reminding/asking her to please invite others now, not at the time of the meals.  Also added that my family is all going this time (often it is just DD and I), and that we will not be bringing extra drinks/snacks

OP, I honestly think you're bothered by Honey on a personal level.  She may have been past drama, but in this instance, she did almost everything you asked of her, and yet you're still upset about something that you never even warned her against. 

gramma dishes

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... but she invited strangers over and then later she went home to her house while we slept in a couple of tents. 



This is kind of par for the course for campers.  It is not at all unusual to spend a little time conversing with strangers and some even consider it to be a safety factor if you know who's staying in the tent next door and who's NOT supposed to be there and vice versa for you.

You (as far as we know) never mentioned the safety factor to your friend!   You just didn't want her offering your food to outsiders.  And she didn't this time.

So I'm with the others here.  There is something else going on and it is personal and has very little to do with food sharing.

Runningstar

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I think that you have valid points, thanks (even though it is a wee bit hard to hear).   
I'm glad that I didn't say anything else to her about it.  It has been a long summer I guess, and I've become a grouch.   


Zizi-K

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I think that you have valid points, thanks (even though it is a wee bit hard to hear).   
I'm glad that I didn't say anything else to her about it.  It has been a long summer I guess, and I've become a grouch.   

Eh, it could be chalked up to a conflict of personalities too. For some reason she is rubbing you the wrong way. It's a good plan to take some time away from her. It happens!

NFPwife

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I think it really could be a personality thing, Honey comes across like a "more the merrier" type and a natural extrovert. Her boundaries are pretty open. It seems like you'd prefer some stronger boundaries with others, that's okay. It doesn't have to raise to the level of a "safety issue" for you not to want to socialize with strangers. Maybe, at first, this really felt like it was all about the food, but, since it bothered when Honey adhered to all your requests, I'm thinking you don't want to have to break bread and make small talk with strangers. That's fine. (That's the reason I don't like to go to hibachi places without a group large enough to fill a full table. I don't want to be in a forced situation and have to make chitchat with strangers. And, I'm a natural extrovert and, generally, love meeting new people. The difference is at a party or more "open" social event, I can move on if I encounter someone who sets my teeth on edge. I can't do that at hibachi.)

I'm also wondering if you view these events as opportunities for quality time with your daughter (and maybe the other friends) and having the other people present dampens that? My husband's love language is quality time and, if we go to an event or out with other couples, it doesn't "count" as quality time because it wasn't just him and me. On the other hand, we could go to the grocery store together and it's quality time because it's just us.

Hillia

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When I go camping, my campsite is my home.  There are no physical walls, so of course I don't have the same expectation of privacy that I do in my own home, but I don't expect strangers to walk through my "living room".  I would feel that Holly was inviting strangers into my "home" as if it were her own.  That would but me.

FauxFoodist

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When I go camping, my campsite is my home.  There are no physical walls, so of course I don't have the same expectation of privacy that I do in my own home, but I don't expect strangers to walk through my "living room".  I would feel that Holly was inviting strangers into my "home" as if it were her own.  That would but me.

This is, a little bit, where I stand.  It seems like Holly is an invited guest to OP's and OtherFamily's trip.  With that in mind, she shouldn't be inviting additional guests, especially last-minute ones, without getting an okay from OP and OF ahead of time.

lowspark

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I agree that it's perfectly fine if that's how the OP feels, i.e., she doesn't want to mix with strangers at the campsite. But then that's what she needs to communicate with Honey as opposed to just "don't share my food."

Maybe it took things playing out this way for the OP to actually realize that this is how she feels. But I think if I were Honey, I'd feel a bit odd about this since OP's first request was not to share food that wasn't Honey's and when Honey purposely set it up so that the food she was sharing was her own, OP is still not happy.

So if you're going to say something to Honey, I would tread lightly. I often find that putting the blame on myself helps ease the blow. So you might say something to the effect that you didn't realize it till now, but having strangers visit your campsite makes you uncomfortable. If it were me, I would throw in something like, "It's all me, I'm uncomfortable. Probably it's just fine and everyone else is fine with it, and you've really done nothing wrong, but it makes me uncomfortable." That way it's not her doing something wrong, but more of your reaction to it, based on your own comfort level.
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