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Author Topic: Registry confusion  (Read 6945 times)

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Arudolph74

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Registry confusion
« on: July 01, 2016, 07:52:36 AM »
I was under the impression that one never puts registry information on a wedding invitation.  I just sent out our invitations and am getting annoyed friends asking why I didnt include the information because now they have ask if we are registered or if we would prefer cash. So it seems I cant win, my family would be apalled if I had included the information, but my friends are irritated that I didn't.   Has anyone found this to be the case or have things just become so relaxed that people feel you should include the info on the invite?  Some told me that it is just an oldfashioned rule not to include it.  It just feels rude to me but maybe I am in the minority now :( 

Kiwipinball

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #1 on: July 01, 2016, 07:54:28 AM »
A lot of people do include it. The rule is still to not, but certainly a lot do. I think you should do what you're comfortable with and just tell any friends who ask where you're registered.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #2 on: July 01, 2016, 07:59:20 AM »
Who are these "friends" who are openly complaining to you about your invitations? That seems like the rudeness in your discussion. Just respond with a "I'm guess you'll need to think of me as old fashioned then". Do a small wedding website and add registry info there.

#borecore

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2016, 08:31:35 AM »
I've seen some people put it on a card insert, but putting it on the actual invitation seems awfully ... well, I just don't like it.

I think you're doing it right to let it spread by word of mouth, even if it means fielding lots of phone calls on the issue.

Luci

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #4 on: July 01, 2016, 08:43:43 AM »
I've seen some people put it on a card insert, but putting it on the actual invitation seems awfully ... well, I just don't like it.

I think you're doing it right to let it spread by word of mouth, even if it means fielding lots of phone calls on the issue.

I do like when it is done like this!

We did just receive an invitation without the information so on a whim I searched for "Janie Jones, John Smith wedding" and went right to the page! Easier than going to the recommended site and searching from there. I would suggest this method to your complaining friends.

#borecore

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2016, 08:53:15 AM »
I would say a wedding website is a very popular way to do this now. It's nice because you can hide it away on a registry subpage and not have Target or Nieman Marcus in big commercial letters right on the home page (or on your invitation!).

It's also a good way to direct guests to maps, attractions, or accommodations in your area, and possibly to host photos after the event.

Pooky582

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #6 on: July 01, 2016, 09:13:28 AM »
I went through this last year. I followed every rule, did not include the information in the invitation, put a lot of time and energy into a wedding website, and I regret it. I wish I would have just included the information. I literally had one guest visit my website (over 130 invited). It is common practice around here, now, to include the inserts. No one would have batted an eye. It was actually more odd to many people that I did not include inserts. And since I didn't, I fielded many calls asking about registry information, had people assume I was after cash only, and had over half of the people invited not know that there was an after party they were all invited to. (My reception was a brunch, then my parents had a picnic at their home the rest of the evening.)  It's not like the calls I received were that big of a deal, but when busy planning a wedding, it was a hassle. And it was crushing when I realized how many people didn't even know about the after party.

So, after trying so hard to follow the correct rules, I am firmly in the 'add inserts' camp, now. (Not that I will be having any more weddings, of course!)



Arudolph74

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #7 on: July 01, 2016, 02:55:45 PM »
Thank you everyone. I have a wedding website and the information is there. If people ask, I am letting them know. Its good to know I'm not the only one in the world who still doesn't include it on the invitations.  I'm learning people have an opinion on everything about our wedding, so I am going to just continue to politely ignore them and do what we feel is right for us.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #8 on: July 01, 2016, 03:32:40 PM »
I went through this last year. I followed every rule, did not include the information in the invitation, put a lot of time and energy into a wedding website, and I regret it. I wish I would have just included the information. I literally had one guest visit my website (over 130 invited). It is common practice around here, now, to include the inserts. No one would have batted an eye. It was actually more odd to many people that I did not include inserts. And since I didn't, I fielded many calls asking about registry information, had people assume I was after cash only, and had over half of the people invited not know that there was an after party they were all invited to. (My reception was a brunch, then my parents had a picnic at their home the rest of the evening.)  It's not like the calls I received were that big of a deal, but when busy planning a wedding, it was a hassle. And it was crushing when I realized how many people didn't even know about the after party.

So, after trying so hard to follow the correct rules, I am firmly in the 'add inserts' camp, now. (Not that I will be having any more weddings, of course!)

An insert about the after party (or evening including it on the invitation) would have been appropriate. I'd be interested in what information you received that said you shouldn't include all information about hosted events.

gellchom

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #9 on: July 03, 2016, 01:13:01 AM »
Even if it's common in your area and some of your guests prefer it, please don't put registry info in with the invitation.  Keep distance between the message that you want people with you as you are married and the idea that they will want to buy you gifts.

And that's entirely different from other inserts like maps and hotel info and certainly an invitation to an after party.   

I know that the most formal invitation includes nothing else; you send the rest separately.   But it's not wrong to include maps and info for about other events, just not as formal. 

Pooky582, did you include a card or notation directing people to your web site? 

If I only knew about an after party because I saw it on a website that I found on my own, like if I had gone to theknot.com to find it, I'd think it wasn't something I was invited to -- maybe it's just for the HC's contemporaries, say.  If you want people to attend any event, you have to make sure they know they are expected.

Are people really complaining all that strenuously at not getting registry info right in the invitation?  Or just commenting on it?  It's hard for me to imagine that any negative reaction to not having received unrequested registry info would be as strong as the negative reaction from those guests who think it looks bad.  And beware of assuming that "nobody thought that" or telling yourself, "Well, my guests don't care about such petty things."  There will, I promise, be some.  Nor does majority opinion matter.  How many of your guests are you okay with thinking you are rude or overly concerned with making sure you get the gifts you preselected? 

You went to so much trouble and expense to design and send a beautiful invitation.  You probably even considered the stamp.  Don't spoil the effect by including registry info.

Bales

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #10 on: July 03, 2016, 07:27:03 AM »
I would have a hard time not responding with a perplexed, "Because.... etiquette!" in a dumbfounded tone of voice or some such verbal stumbling because to me it's one of the more well known rules of etiquette.  Typically, I've been invited to the shower, so I know where they are registered since it's included in that invitation.  But if not, I would just ask someone.  And if for some reason we weren't that close to anyone to ask (though then I would wonder why I'm being invited at all), then I would just give whatever gift I selected myself.

Kiwipinball

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #11 on: July 03, 2016, 08:19:10 AM »
I would have a hard time not responding with a perplexed, "Because.... etiquette!" in a dumbfounded tone of voice or some such verbal stumbling because to me it's one of the more well known rules of etiquette.  Typically, I've been invited to the shower, so I know where they are registered since it's included in that invitation.  But if not, I would just ask someone.  And if for some reason we weren't that close to anyone to ask (though then I would wonder why I'm being invited at all), then I would just give whatever gift I selected myself.

You can also usually Google it these days. I just did that for my cousin (they did include the registry in their invitation, which I wouldn't do, but is common enough these days). The first two results were them. I guess if both people had a really common name it would be harder. But it's another option.

StoutGirl

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #12 on: July 05, 2016, 09:11:09 PM »
In the last couple of years, my family has received 2 invitations that included the registry info. I was a little aghast because of etiquette rules, but my Mom did not see what the problem was. She saw it as a convenience.

But I totally agree with a previous post. It really is not that hard to find registry info online via Google, theknot.com, or a couple's website.

TootsNYC

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #13 on: July 05, 2016, 10:29:02 PM »
I've heard people complain about "now I have to call to find out where they're registered" and "we all know you're registered, just put the information in to save everybody trouble."

I've even read (here at EHell) about people who decided that since the couple didn't put registry info in their invitation (though they did have a registry), it must mean they only wanted cash, which is so rude you know, so the guests didn't give any present, and maybe even didn't come to the wedding, in protest.

You really can't win nowadays.

I'd almost give people a pass on putting it in the invitation as long as it's on some separate enclosure, the way hotel info is.

I'm also not personally aghast when it's included, even though I know all the rules.

tabitha

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #14 on: July 05, 2016, 11:39:48 PM »
Society has turned into my mother.

If she finds you in the kitchen icing a cake, starting from the top, she will laugh at you and tell you you're doing it all wrong, you have to ice the sides first. If she finds you sitting in the kitchen icing a cake, starting from the sides, she gets annoyed and complains that you should know to start icing a cake from the top.

I have given up, mom wins, I lose.  I'll just stick with good manners and decency and go on my merry way.