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  • November 20, 2017, 07:02:41 PM

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Author Topic: heading off guests.  (Read 2475 times)

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vintagegal

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heading off guests.
« on: July 16, 2016, 09:45:33 AM »
A couple I know visits my area (from the opposite coast, U.S.) once every 3 years. They have stayed with me 3 times. The last time was the worst. She is a dear but her husband yammers on constantly about nothing at all, telling "stories" that have no point, etc. They are not self-starters, i.e., they do not have plans to fill up the day, but just sit. By the end of the last visit I was ready to bang my head against the wall and was counting the seconds til they were out the door.

I am already dreading the next visit. Short of getting a full time job (I am retired), how can I head them off if they want to stay at my place again?

Mel the Redcap

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Re: heading off guests.
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2016, 09:53:21 AM »
"I'm afraid that won't work for me this time."

The important thing here is, don't explain why. That's your whole answer, because if you give a reason they can argue with it. If they ask why it won't work for you this time, "It just won't." Then change the subject! If you want to, you could offer to help them find a hotel room.

Good luck!
"Set aphasia to stun!"

Bales

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Re: heading off guests.
« Reply #2 on: July 16, 2016, 01:58:09 PM »
Why do they visit the area?  Is it just to see you since it seems they don't do anything else?  My suggestion may differ based on the reason for the visit, but in any case, you can just say that you have other commitments to attend to at the same time they are here, so suggest they find a hotel and you can make plans to get together as your schedule allows.  Maybe they can park themselves in front of a pool at a hotel instead of at your house?

vintagegal

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Re: heading off guests.
« Reply #3 on: July 16, 2016, 04:16:11 PM »
they visit family and friends over a large area. Mel's suggestion seems a bit cold, anyone who knows me would be very surprised if I said that. I think I may limit them to one overnight if it comes up again, I can handle it for less than 24 hours. And be "busy" the rest of the time.

gellchom

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Re: heading off guests.
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2016, 04:36:39 PM »
Given your last post, and especially that we are talking about only a few days every three years, I think your best bet is to say they are welcome to stay at your home, but that unfortunately you have commitments that week so won't be able to visit with them much.  Then, get out of the house as much as you can while they are there -- do errands, schedule appointments, and so forth.  If they want to sit around while you are out, let them.

Sometimes very tiresome, boring, or obnoxious people are dear to us anyway.  Maybe they have been kind and loyal or generous, or maybe we just feel sorry for them.  So I get it about wanting to be hospitable even if you dread being around them.  I think we all have people in our lives like that.  And we probably all have people who think that we are tiresome, too!

mandycorn

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Re: heading off guests.
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2016, 11:51:59 AM »
I think it'll be less abrupt to tell them you can't host them this time if you immediately redirect to scheduling a couple of occasions to get together while they're there. And if they're visiting friends and family, probably someone else (or multiple someone elses) can host them.
"The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln 

Hmmmmm

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Re: heading off guests.
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2016, 01:54:27 PM »
You can always try the subtle hints. Do you ever have other house guests stay with you? You might in a chatty call with her mention "Oh, Ted and Alice was just here for a few days staying with me. You know I've always enjoyed having houseguest but I guess I'm just getting old. It just seems so much harder to have overnight guests. Are you getting like that?"  Then after a comment like that if she reaches out months later with a request to stay you can say "Oh, I'd so want to visit with you guys when you're in town, but I'm just not up to having houseguests any more."

crazycatlady331

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Re: heading off guests.
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2016, 05:39:56 PM »
Best to nip this in the bud now before it becomes a problem.  Tell them you are not available for hosting overnight guests but you will meet them at XYZ Public Place (restaurant, tourist attraction, park, store, etc) on Tuesday for dinner. 

You don't owe them a why.  But be prepared with the names of local hotels that you could direct them to.