News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • November 25, 2017, 03:53:53 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: Chasing down RSVPs  (Read 2874 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Morticia

  • Member
  • Posts: 1747
    • Stepmonster's Travels
Chasing down RSVPs
« on: July 17, 2016, 01:44:11 PM »
It's soirée time again. Next Saturday we are having a tropical themed cocktail party. I am trying to prepare, but 39 people have still not responded one way or the other.  I requested they do so by this weekend. (FB invites).

Can I get some wording suggestions for one final message requesting responses, please? I don't want to sound like I'm nagging, but these are adults who should know how to respond to an invitation. (Sad face).
Now our mom says she's changed her mind about the devil's brood, they may be evil so she thinks, but at least they're never rude...
                                        -- Big Rude Jake

My travel blog: http://www.stepmonster.ca

ladyknight1

  • Member
  • Posts: 11913
  • Not all those who wander are lost
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2016, 02:44:39 PM »
Thank you to those who have responded. We need a final guest count by XX time on XX day in order to have enough food and drinks for everyone.

In the same boat, although I have a month before my son's Eagle Scout ceremony and reception and over 100 people have not responded.
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Morticia

  • Member
  • Posts: 1747
    • Stepmonster's Travels
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2016, 03:15:53 PM »
Over 100? Ouch!

On the bright side, I just taste-tested my recipe/ingredients for the Mai Tai's. Yum, if I do say so myself.  I went to the cocktail store today, and may have gotten a bit carried away. (I will have to test the lavender daiquiri recipe next).
Now our mom says she's changed her mind about the devil's brood, they may be evil so she thinks, but at least they're never rude...
                                        -- Big Rude Jake

My travel blog: http://www.stepmonster.ca

ladyknight1

  • Member
  • Posts: 11913
  • Not all those who wander are lost
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2016, 03:25:47 PM »
Are you making them in pitchers? That's what I want to do next time we have a cocktail party.

Yes, so the cake size, amount of barbecue we make, and quantities on side dishes are all waiting on those numbers!
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Morticia

  • Member
  • Posts: 1747
    • Stepmonster's Travels
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2016, 03:30:45 PM »
I like to do them individually hand-crafted. And I can't find a pitcher for sale here for love nor money. So....

I do the Trader Vic's recipe, although I have to substitute Cointreau in place of the Orange Curaçao. It cannot be bought here.

New thought: would it be better to individually message the non-respondees?
Now our mom says she's changed her mind about the devil's brood, they may be evil so she thinks, but at least they're never rude...
                                        -- Big Rude Jake

My travel blog: http://www.stepmonster.ca

ladyknight1

  • Member
  • Posts: 11913
  • Not all those who wander are lost
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2016, 03:40:15 PM »
I would post a general note, because I know a lot of people do not use the messager feature.
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

lowspark

  • Member
  • Posts: 5482
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2016, 08:51:50 AM »
I would contact each person who hasn't replied individually. I've worded it like this in the past.
(My MO is usually to send out snail-mail invitations and to follow up in an email when necessary.)

Hi Friend,
I just wanted to make sure you received my invitation to X Party this coming Saturday, July 23. I need to know if you'll be able to join us as I'm making my final preparations. Please let me know, I hope to see you there!
thanks,
lowspark


Note that people who repeatedly do not reply unless prompted are dropped from my invitation list for future parties. Everyone slips up once in a while and forgets to reply but if it's a chronic issue, I would just rather not deal with it.
Houston 
Texas 
USA 

Moonie

  • Member
  • Posts: 553
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #7 on: July 19, 2016, 10:34:30 AM »
Just curious, but what do you do if/when a good number of those non-responders wind up showing up anyway? I think it's horribly rude of them, but do you take the chance of those who responded not getting to partake of the food and drink or do you try to find a polite way to turn away the "crashers"? Either way, this would be a horrible situation for the host of the event.

Morticia

  • Member
  • Posts: 1747
    • Stepmonster's Travels
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2016, 10:40:09 AM »
Traditionally, we haven't kept track of whether or not someone responded. We ask for the responses for numbers, not so we can check the door. So, if someone "finds they can come" at the last moment, we welcome them in. It would just be nice to be able to plan better.
Now our mom says she's changed her mind about the devil's brood, they may be evil so she thinks, but at least they're never rude...
                                        -- Big Rude Jake

My travel blog: http://www.stepmonster.ca

maksi

  • Member
  • Posts: 358
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2016, 01:12:39 PM »
I haven't hosted an event on FB for a while, but at least previously you could message straight from the event page for example all the "maybes" or the ones that had not responded in any way. We did it last year with a friend of mine: we set a date for the rsvps, politely reminded the ignoring ones and the maybes perhaps a week and then a day beforehand and then after the rsvp date just removed them from the event. No surprises showing up.

gellchom

  • Member
  • Posts: 3722
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2016, 02:57:02 PM »
Just curious, but what do you do if/when a good number of those non-responders wind up showing up anyway? I think it's horribly rude of them, but do you take the chance of those who responded not getting to partake of the food and drink or do you try to find a polite way to turn away the "crashers"? Either way, this would be a horrible situation for the host of the event.

This happened to me last night, as a matter of fact, for a casual little party that did include supper for the cast and crew of a play I had just finished (three of us have our birthdays the same week, so we had a little birthday party).  Several people didn't respond at all, even after the second email blast, and one of those showed up (he did send a text while he was en route apologizing and asking if he could pick anything up).  I was very glad to have him, and we had enough food (I always like to make plenty anyway; it's just nice to entertain with an open hand, and besides, I love leftovers). 

I would never turn anyone away just because they hadn't responded.  For one thing, it's not for me to punish others' etiquette lapses, and anyway, it's not such a heinous offense -- it's inconsiderate, but it's not like they lit my dog on fire or something.  It's just much more hospitable to approach it with the focus on the nice surprise -- I mean, you did want the person there; you invited them -- than on the minor inconvenience.  (If the party is of a nature that it would be a bigger inconvenience, like a formal seated dinner, then I'd make sure to follow up with each person beforehand to get a definite answer.)

Another reason not to turn away an unexpected guest: I don't want to poop my own party!  I'd spend the rest of the evening second-guessing myself and wondering what will happen the next time I see that person.  The guest I turned away will be really humiliated, and how will that affect the other guests, especially if that guest was their friend, too?  And will they be scared I'm going to punish them, too, if they do something wrong? 

I certainly agree that guests should respond, and they are being inconsiderate if they don't bother.  And I get it that it's really annoying sometimes for the hosts when this happens.  But the effect on the event of, say, wedging in another chair or two is not as bad as the effect of everyone seeing the "offenders" getting the bum's rush because they didn't respond.

lowspark

  • Member
  • Posts: 5482
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2016, 03:18:28 PM »
POD to everything gellchom said above.
As she mentioned, I am the same way when it comes to getting replies when it really does make a difference. I'll email or call or whatever, to get the answer if I really, really need one.

I don't often have people just show up without some kind of reply, even if that reply arrives an hour before the party starts! But as gellchom mentioned, I'm glad they're coming. I invited them because I wanted them there.

I know that sometimes the advice here is to turn someone like that away at the door, but I really do wonder how many people have actually done that. It doesn't sound like something that would be very easy to do. I know I'd have to have some extremely compelling reason to turn someone away at the door in the middle of a party situation. Not to mention that at a party, I'm not always the one who is answering the door.
Houston 
Texas 
USA 

Sophia

  • Member
  • Posts: 12442
  • xi
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #12 on: July 21, 2016, 03:38:03 PM »
We recently had my daughter's golden birthday party that we invited a bunch of kids to.  I noticed in tracking down RSVP's, that the people had genuinely forgotten or misplaced the invite.   There were several pauses followed by Yes.   

In the back of my mind while wedding planning, if a small number had RSVP'ed Yes, and a large number hadn't RSVP'ed, I was going to move the wedding to a chichi restaurant, and only told the yeses.   

GardenGal

  • Member
  • Posts: 824
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #13 on: July 21, 2016, 04:44:50 PM »
We host a large holiday party every year (think 50-100 guests), with emails sent out to all our guests. I keep track of folks who don't RSVP and find it so frustrating. A couple of years ago I decided that if they don't RSVP we'll just drop them from the invitation list for the next year.
"No matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Banzai

Sophia

  • Member
  • Posts: 12442
  • xi
Re: Chasing down RSVPs
« Reply #14 on: July 21, 2016, 05:42:24 PM »
We host a large holiday party every year (think 50-100 guests), with emails sent out to all our guests. I keep track of folks who don't RSVP and find it so frustrating. A couple of years ago I decided that if they don't RSVP we'll just drop them from the invitation list for the next year.

I am curious.  Do some of the non-RSVP'ers come anyway?   Or do most of them just ignore the invite?