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Author Topic: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)  (Read 8242 times)

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rose red

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #15 on: August 02, 2016, 11:23:37 AM »
As a non-smoker, while I recognize that smokers often do "bum a smoke" off strangers when they are out of their own, and it's not therefore abnormal, I've also always thought it was crass, because I was taught not to ask strangers for their personal possessions.  Addiction does make people do things that aren't acceptable social behaviors.

I think it's weird too. I can't imagine walking up to a stranger and asking to bum a French fry or a cookie from their pack.

As for the OP, I think SIL is the type who can't admit they are wrong. YB was actually polite when explaining but she won't let it go, and not in a calm manner either.

Trust me, it really is an acceptable social behavior amongst smokers (I was one for 20 years).

Oh, I believe it. I just think it's strange as a non-smoker. But it's none of my business and it's not a reflection on me like the SIL felt.

KimberlyM

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #16 on: August 02, 2016, 11:35:33 AM »
Completely normal and pretty common.  I get asked several times a day.  I generally only give out 1 a day though, they're expensive.  The guy that does the landscaping at our office buys one from me every Monday morning for 50 cents. 

lorelai

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #17 on: August 02, 2016, 11:36:03 AM »
I do agree that the SIL doesn't know what she's talking about, but I wonder if she's masking her displeasure by focusing on this thing. As a non-smoker, if she's bothered by the presence of the smell in her home and her car, she should take steps to address that, not the rudeness of his actions to others.

TabathasGran

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #18 on: August 02, 2016, 11:39:21 AM »
I'm not a smoker but am aware of this being acceptable.

I always thought it was something really nice about most smokers, always willing to share and help out a stranger.
Small aside - when I waited tables back in the day, when restaurants still had smoking sections, I always preferred waiting on the smokers. Most were better tippers and just generally more laid back.

Peppergirl

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #19 on: August 02, 2016, 11:45:25 AM »
You know what? That's so true!

Nothing against non-smokers, but I had the exact same experience when I waited tables and bartended.  I always loved being in the smoking area.  Better tips, more easy-going, etc.  That's so interesting, now that I think about it.

blueyzca01

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #20 on: August 02, 2016, 11:47:50 AM »
It sounds like he bummed a smoke, not that he actually smoked the cigarette.

Smoker here...when you "bum a smoke," you smoke the cigarette right then.  You don't pocket it for later.
No one ever says, "Why me?!?!" when something good happens.

mellliemel

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #21 on: August 02, 2016, 12:35:17 PM »
As a non-smoker, while I recognize that smokers often do "bum a smoke" off strangers when they are out of their own, and it's not therefore abnormal, I've also always thought it was crass, because I was taught not to ask strangers for their personal possessions.  Addiction does make people do things that aren't acceptable social behaviors.

Whoosh.

It's totally acceptable social behavior. That's kinda the point here. He's not throwing grandma down the stairs and stealing a tv to feed his terrible addiction - he's bumming a smoke. It's no less crass than asking for a safety pin when your pants are falling off or a tissue when your nose is running.

Team HoundMom

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #22 on: August 02, 2016, 02:03:53 PM »
Switching to menthols later in life seemed to cut down on people wanting to bum smokes from me. 

^ It's true. I smoked in Grade 9 just to be "cool" and as a way to meet new people in a new city.  I think I gave away more out of each pack than I smoked.  But when I had a pack of menthols people would be like "Hey can I bum a smoke? ......nevermind."   ;D


Twik

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #23 on: August 02, 2016, 02:05:39 PM »
But as an earlier poster pointed out, it's an odd part of the smoker culture. Yes, it's a brotherhood of those who understand the nicotine fit - but one would not walk up to a stranger someone eating at a fast food place and ask for part of their meal, because you're kind of peckish right now. Yet you could ask them for a smoke.

I think the SIL may have a point about him quitting, though, if he's essentially bumming room and board from her. At the very least she shouldn't have to pay for his cigarettes.
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sidi-ji

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #24 on: August 02, 2016, 02:13:37 PM »
Bumming a cigarette is acceptable. Constantly being "just out" is not acceptable and will earn the offender the  reputation(in their social circle)of being a mooch. Approaching a stranger is not considered rude because they understand the craving.
I have noticed the sale, on the streets and in some small stores, of loosies, which probably cuts down on the bumming.
I have never smoked but my parents weekly bought a carton  each of their favorite brands.
So I guess I second-hand smoked. :(
She wants him gone.  I hope he scrapes together the wherewithal to get his own place speedily.

Hmmmmm

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #25 on: August 02, 2016, 03:39:08 PM »
I'm not a smoker but am aware of this being acceptable.

I always thought it was something really nice about most smokers, always willing to share and help out a stranger.
Small aside - when I waited tables back in the day, when restaurants still had smoking sections, I always preferred waiting on the smokers. Most were better tippers and just generally more laid back.

I think it's because smokers are usually not as in a hurry to get out. They are sitting back, enjoying a cigarette, maybe another beverage. I've also never met a penny-pincher smoker unless they were really in dire financial condition, then they aren't going out to eat.

Semperviren

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #26 on: August 04, 2016, 08:45:25 AM »
From my experience and observations, "bumming smokes" is quite normal.

OB may have been a bit sharp with her but it sounds like someone needed to be. "Passion" about a particular topic does not excuse browbeating.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2016, 10:13:54 AM by Semperviren »

zyrs

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #27 on: August 10, 2016, 06:08:13 PM »
Wow, SIL does not sound like someone I would want to spend any time with.  She sounds like she just wants something to be angry about.

YB and OB are correct, bumming cigarettes is a normal part of smoking culture. 

TootsNYC

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #28 on: August 10, 2016, 10:06:40 PM »
I think the fact that it's acceptable to bum a smoke is why people get SO incensed when someone bums lots of smokes.

There's this unspoken pact that any smoker will give another smoker a single cigarette (bcs they understand the craving).

And so a smoker will feel REALLY taken advantage of when someone bums a smoke more than twice in a month.

A stranger, you totally cut them some slack and give them a cigarette, on the theory that sometime you'll be without a cigarette and you can ask some other person. The "what goes around, comes around" theory.

But when someone is deliberately pushing the merry-go-round...

I think I might think less of Smoker Brother if I knew that he didn't buy cigarettes and therefore was never in a position to be contributing to the cycle.

But I wouldn't be haranguing anybody!

Ceallach

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Re: You don't know the subculture... (smokers)
« Reply #29 on: August 11, 2016, 04:46:40 AM »
It's definitely part of the camaraderie of smokers, as a non-smoker I've observed this many times.    They have their own social code that applies to such situations!     I've always thought it's nice.   At times it's made me wish I was a smoker, when surrounded by a bunch of them generously passing the ciggies around as an ice-breaker.    So SIL was definitely wrong, as well as rude. 

I find smoking odd and I just loathe the smell and taste of cigarettes - tried it twice, thought it was vile - but I'm also sure others would feel the same about my wine drinking.   We all have our vices and life is choices.   
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