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  • November 22, 2017, 12:58:47 PM

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Author Topic: Rude to invite aunts & uncles but not adult kids?  (Read 3844 times)

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Tea Drinker

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Re: Rude to invite aunts & uncles but not adult kids?
« Reply #15 on: August 17, 2016, 02:21:29 PM »
I think you can cut off at generations but I strongly believe that you must be consistent. So, if you are not inviting your FH's cousins, you can't invite yours either.
That's a bad generalization, though. I have 3 first cousins and really know none of them. If I were to get married and had a fiance who knows and socializes with his it wouldn't be fair to tell him no because I wasn't planning on inviting mine.

It would be a problem if I were getting married. I have four first cousins I adore, one who I haven't seen in 10 years, one who I haven't seen since she cut the rest of the family dead twenty years ago, and one I'd need to hire a PI to find. I certainly wouldn't avoid inviting my sweet cousin Maria (the writer!) in order to justify not inviting my cousin from the other side last seen screaming abuse at the rest of the family at a funeral.

I think "would need to hire a PI to find" is adequate reason not to invite someone even if you don't want to tell everyone about this person screaming abuse at the rest of you. I would in fact argue that if someone has made a point of distancing themself from the rest of the family, it is more appropriate to respect that than to invite them. (Elsenet and even here I often see posts like "how do I explain that I don't want to go to Cousin So-and-so's wedding because it would mean seeing my abusive uncle?") So your hypothetical answers would include "Cousin X has made it clear that they don't want to hear from anyone in our family. I am going to respect that and not try to track them down."

(I'm not suggesting that you are the problematic relative, but in this hypothetical giving your abusive cousin the same respect that we would want if we were distancing ourselves from someone abusive would benefit you as well.)
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