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Author Topic: Etiquette of singles  (Read 7610 times)

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crazycatlady331

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Etiquette of singles
« on: August 11, 2016, 10:26:16 AM »
Many etiquette rules came from a time where more adults were married (and at a younger age).  With the marriage rate (in the US) at a historic low, I think it is time to address how to treat singles as adults.   (My mom proposed a family vacation where I as a single would have the same accommodations as my toddler/preschool nieces--- not happening.)

1) Single adults are still adults.  Please give them the hospitality that an adult deserves.  They should not be the only adults seated at the kids table, given accommodations designed for a child, etc. 
2) Just because someone is single does not make them miserable.  Also whether they're actively looking for a partner or not is not your business and not up for discussion (unless they volunteer it).  Their timeline for getting married (if ever) is also not your business.
3) It is okay to exclude single people from events designed for couples.
4) Don't assume someone who is single wants to be a 3rd wheel on a date (or 5th wheel on a double date, etc).   It is not an honor to accompany a couple on a date.  If someone does join you on your date, refrain from PDA.
5) Do not talk to singles in a condescending way ("you wouldn't understand as you're not in a relationship," etc). 
6) Single people are not unpaid babysitters.  Do not assume because they're the only single adult at a family event that they're going to babysit the kids while the couples all enjoy each others' company.

Cali.in.UK

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2016, 03:01:58 PM »
I've seen the vacation thing a few times, and yes that is not nice. Oh there is one less bedroom? Single person can sleep on a cot in the living room!

I would add

7) Do not assume that the single person is in-between relationships/in dating limbo/looking for a partner. Some people are fine being single so conversations about them "finding someone" should not be forced and always addressed. I've heard of single friends saying that every single time they see a certain acquaintance/family member/friend the same person always inquires about their dating life and forces it as a topic.

diesel_darlin

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2016, 06:02:27 PM »
*claps, whistles, and jumps up and down*


I have one I'd like to add.

If the singleton has expressed their desire to potentially find a mate, please do not go "hook up" crazy and try to set them up with every single you know.

I often wind up with the feeling that my friends really dont think much of me after meeting who they want to set me up with.  ;D

missanpan

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2016, 10:00:56 AM »
I'd like to add:

When you see single people at a wedding, do not ask them when is it their turn.

Garfield33

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #4 on: August 12, 2016, 11:19:23 AM »
I'd like to add: Don't expect singles to have to go out every weekend just to "put themselves out there." I had a long stretch of being single, and sometimes on weekends I wanted to stay home and relax.  I'd sometimes get disapproving comments from my married friends: "You shouldn't be sitting home on a weekend. You really need to be putting yourself out there!".  Um, no I don't!

magicdomino

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2016, 02:41:12 PM »
I'd like to add: Don't expect singles to have to go out every weekend just to "put themselves out there." I had a long stretch of being single, and sometimes on weekends I wanted to stay home and relax.  I'd sometimes get disapproving comments from my married friends: "You shouldn't be sitting home on a weekend. You really need to be putting yourself out there!".  Um, no I don't!

One of the great revelations of my 30's was the realization that, no, I don't have to go on dates if I don't want to.  Contrary to the beliefs of certain relatives, I was (and am) very happy to spend Saturday night with a cup of tea and a good book.

crazycatlady331

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2016, 03:10:03 PM »
I'll add to my own post.

To parents of adult singles-- just because they're single is not a summons for every family holiday.  If they want to spend Thanksgiving with friends, extended family, etc instead of their FOO that is okay. 

ladyknight1

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  • Not all those who wander are lost
Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2016, 03:17:55 PM »
Don't expect everyone will want to be part of a couple at some point.

*I loved being single! I think DH was the lone exception!
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

iridaceae

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #8 on: August 13, 2016, 04:45:13 AM »
Do not expect single people who work with you to be the ones who will work holidays, weekends, late, etc. You work there, too.
Nothing to see here.

HannahGrace

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #9 on: August 13, 2016, 06:10:37 AM »
Do not expect single people who work with you to be the ones who will work holidays, weekends, late, etc. You work there, too.

This happens to everyone without kids, single or coupled.

diesel_darlin

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #10 on: August 13, 2016, 02:24:18 PM »
Do not expect single people who work with you to be the ones who will work holidays, weekends, late, etc. You work there, too.

This happens to everyone without kids, single or coupled.

Absolutely.

I had to throw a huge temper tantrum with my boss because I worked every weekend for 4 straight months. All because I didn't have kids. Grrrrr

iridaceae

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #11 on: August 14, 2016, 01:49:55 AM »
Do not expect single people who work with you to be the ones who will work holidays, weekends, late, etc. You work there, too.

This happens to everyone without kids, single or coupled.

Yes, but this is a thread on single people. Had this been a thread on co-workers I would have added in "child-free".
Nothing to see here.

HannahGrace

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #12 on: August 14, 2016, 06:35:31 AM »
Do not expect single people who work with you to be the ones who will work holidays, weekends, late, etc. You work there, too.

This happens to everyone without kids, single or coupled.

Yes, but this is a thread on single people. Had this been a thread on co-workers I would have added in "child-free".

Yes, I am aware of the thread title. I just thought the etiquette should relate primarily to things that happen to singles, and that does not seem to do so.

camlan

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #13 on: August 14, 2016, 09:07:45 AM »
Do not expect single people who work with you to be the ones who will work holidays, weekends, late, etc. You work there, too.

This happens to everyone without kids, single or coupled.

Yes, but this is a thread on single people. Had this been a thread on co-workers I would have added in "child-free".

Yes, I am aware of the thread title. I just thought the etiquette should relate primarily to things that happen to singles, and that does not seem to do so.

Oh, I've been expected to be the one to stay late/work weekends, because I'm single. "You don't have anyone waiting for you at home." "John's still a newlywed, he wants to get home." "We're so glad we hired someone who doesn't have to rush home to a family every night."
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


HannahGrace

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #14 on: August 14, 2016, 09:52:46 AM »
Do not expect single people who work with you to be the ones who will work holidays, weekends, late, etc. You work there, too.

This happens to everyone without kids, single or coupled.

Yes, but this is a thread on single people. Had this been a thread on co-workers I would have added in "child-free".

Yes, I am aware of the thread title. I just thought the etiquette should relate primarily to things that happen to singles, and that does not seem to do so.

Oh, I've been expected to be the one to stay late/work weekends, because I'm single. "You don't have anyone waiting for you at home." "John's still a newlywed, he wants to get home." "We're so glad we hired someone who doesn't have to rush home to a family every night."

Wow! I stand corrected then. When it's happened to me it was always about the fact that I didn't have children.