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Author Topic: Etiquette of singles  (Read 7551 times)

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rose red

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #15 on: August 15, 2016, 06:38:52 PM »
Yup. When our workplace started opening on Memorial Day and Labor Day, guess who is asked to work just because I have no husband and/or children? >:(

Another one is when splitting the bill, split it by person; not couples/family. Just because you're a couple doesn't mean you are one person, thank you very much.

Cali.in.UK

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2016, 07:12:21 PM »
Another angle is, if you are friends with someone who is single and not thrilled about their re-lationship status, don't talk about how "relieved" you are that you found someone, or how everyone else besides your significant other is horrible, or "I'm so glad I don't have to date at my age anymore!" I have a mixed group of single and coupled friends and I've definitely heard people talk about how awful the dating world is in front of people who are still in that world.

diesel_darlin

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #17 on: August 15, 2016, 07:54:08 PM »
Another angle is, if you are friends with someone who is single and not thrilled about their re-lationship status, don't talk about how "relieved" you are that you found someone, or how everyone else besides your significant other is horrible, or "I'm so glad I don't have to date at my age anymore!" I have a mixed group of single and coupled friends and I've definitely heard people talk about how awful the dating world is in front of people who are still in that world.


Yes! So Much YES! And while you're at it, please don't perpetually ask a single if they have found mr/miss right! And if they tell you no, please

don't offer your mate! I had a friend tell me the other day that I could have her husband since I couldn't find my own.  >:(

Peppergirl

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2016, 03:59:58 PM »
Oh my good lord, POD POD POD POD to almost all.

I want to tell people the following:

I am in my mid 40s and have been divorced for years
My kids are grown ( I started very young - they are 26 and 29)
I have grandkids
I now have a position at work that requires travel and my home office is near my home town.  This means free trips home, quarterly, which I greatly enjoy and appreciate.
I have friends to hang out with and love my pets very much, despite them being a handful. (The friends AND the pets)  ;D


All of the above, for me, means I am totally fulfilled.  Yes, really.  No, I'm not in denial.   I do not need to be pitied, doubted, condescended to, or told that "I just haven't met the right man yet."  On the contrary, I was married for 15 years and in an on-off re-lationship for 12.  I am done.  Please believe me.  Please don't say, "but...but..." as it only makes me dig my heels in more.

Never say never, of course - but for now, I am content and all good as a singleton.  Even if it means forever.  Please leave me alone.

And with that, I realize I went off on a rant and made it all about me.  Sorry, guys.  :-[
« Last Edit: August 16, 2016, 04:02:27 PM by Peppergirl »

merryns

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2016, 04:38:45 PM »
Don't divide up shared expenses by household without thinking through if it's really fair for one person to pay the same as a couple plus kids. Especially if the single person got less comfortable accommodation because of their single status.

crazycatlady331

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #20 on: August 23, 2016, 09:21:23 AM »
Don't divide up shared expenses by household without thinking through if it's really fair for one person to pay the same as a couple plus kids. Especially if the single person got less comfortable accommodation because of their single status.

This is especially true with food.  Don't expect the single to pay the same amount as the family of 4 with two teen boys (bottomless pits). 

And if the single person gets to sleep on a cot in the living room (as opposed to a bedroom like all the couples) then he/she should get a very discounted rate for sacrificing their privacy.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #21 on: August 23, 2016, 09:30:12 AM »
Don't divide up shared expenses by household without thinking through if it's really fair for one person to pay the same as a couple plus kids. Especially if the single person got less comfortable accommodation because of their single status.

This is especially true with food.  Don't expect the single to pay the same amount as the family of 4 with two teen boys (bottomless pits). 

And if the single person gets to sleep on a cot in the living room (as opposed to a bedroom like all the couples) then he/she should get a very discounted rate for sacrificing their privacy.

This, so much.  I went on a ski weekend at a rented chalet with some friends and friends of theirs.  The kids didn't factor into the accommodation as they weren't using beds; all adults paid the same amount but the couples with the kids got to sleep in the two bedrooms and the rest of us got single beds in the loft, with no privacy, including from the kids.  They were allowed to roam the place at will.  I had medications in my purse without childproof caps because I didn't expect that they would be allowed in my sleeping space, which I consider private even though it was out in the open.

Haven't taken this type of vacation with them since.  Though the kids are now old enough that they should be paying their share, since they'll take up beds.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

purplerainbow

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #22 on: September 29, 2016, 05:08:21 AM »
I'm curently single, and have been for a while. I'm happy being single, but have gone through phases when I wasn't. The following are things I found particularly annoying in those unhappy phases:

Please don't tell me you "miss" being single/dating, or "I wish I were in your shoes!" if you're happily coupled. Especially if you're all lovey-dovey, or have spent ages gushing about how wonderful your partner is. I felt it sounded hollow and patronising. In a lot of cases when I've heard this, you don't miss being single, you miss having periods of time when you had the apartment/house all to yourself and had some quiet alone time.
(I'm not jealous of people in relationships by the way - I like seeing them happy.)
If your single friend is in a spot when they're not happy being single, please don't say things like, "Oh, you wouldn't say that if you were the one picking up John's socks every day!" I know that relationships aren't all sunshine and rainbows. But I found this sort of thing condescending, sort of like saying, "you've got a childlike/fantasy view of what relationships/love is."

CrochetFanatic

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #23 on: September 29, 2016, 08:33:59 PM »
Don't say "You'd understand if you were married" or "You'd understand if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend".  That may be true, but it can be pretty hurtful.  It's also very dismissive.  Also, what if the person being told that was married at one point?  Open mouth, insert foot!

diesel_darlin

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #24 on: September 29, 2016, 10:14:24 PM »
Don't say "You'd understand if you were married" or "You'd understand if you had a boyfriend/girlfriend".  That may be true, but it can be pretty hurtful.  It's also very dismissive.  Also, what if the person being told that was married at one point?  Open mouth, insert foot!

Exactly!

Peppergirl

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #25 on: September 30, 2016, 05:01:59 PM »
PODDDD to the above.  So frustrating.  We are not alien lifeforms to be pitied or gazed upon in wonder.  Sheesh.

miranova

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #26 on: October 03, 2016, 05:24:15 PM »

4) Don't assume someone who is single wants to be a 3rd wheel on a date (or 5th wheel on a double date, etc).   It is not an honor to accompany a couple on a date.  If someone does join you on your date, refrain from PDA.


As a married person, may I ask for clarification on what you mean by a "date"?  My husband and I are very friendly with several single people and go to dinner with them often.  We don't consider that a "date" that we are asking them to be a part of.  We just consider it spending time with someone we are both friends with and like to see.  Am I ok?

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #27 on: October 04, 2016, 08:49:14 AM »
I think you are fine.

I was out for dinner with friends - two couples.  And it wasn't until we got to the restaurant and saw how crowded it was that any of us realized it was Valentine's day!   ;D
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Redneck Gravy

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #28 on: October 05, 2016, 09:14:40 AM »
POD to everything above.

I was married for about 20 years and I have been divorced for almost 20 years.  I am totally comfortable being single.  Not that I would never marry again but I am fulfilled without it, so yes I have had it both ways.  I have dated off and on with short term and long term r@lati@nships.   

I have heard comments of all kinds, just like many of you have.  The one that I remember the most: "you have been single so long you have forgotten what it is like to get into bed with a man and have him see your unmanicured feet."    I found that extremely offensive. 

Well not that it is any of your business, but I have actually been in bed with man since my divorce and the last thing he wanted to look at was my feet (manicured or not).   :o

crazycatlady331

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Re: Etiquette of singles
« Reply #29 on: October 05, 2016, 10:54:18 PM »
I think the definition of date depends on the couple.  I know some couples who are perfectly fine hanging out with singles and don't make them feel awkward and like they're a 3rd wheel.  I also know other couples who are all over each other (ie a makeout session at restaurant booth) and it is an awkward feeling for the single.   Also every other word out of their mouths is about how awesome it is to be 1/2 of a couple (yes this is a specific example). 

I think if you're not the latter couple, for the most part you're fine.  But whenever there's an odd number in a group someone is going to be the odd one out.  If one person in the group is consistently that odd number, that's when they're going to feel bad.