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  • November 25, 2017, 02:20:22 AM

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Author Topic: What is your perception of this word and its inclusion on a wedding invitation?  (Read 8934 times)

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Onyx_TKD

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Origins of the word aside, my perception of "lame" is that it is a juvenile insult. More specifically, it's an insult I associate with the (juvenile) sentiment "I don't like [whatever], so you shouldn't either."

Aiming such insults at one's invited guests is tacky and rude. It might fly as a joke between friends (in the same vein as a comment like "You're doing X? But what about meeeeee."), but IMO that kind of joking usage would inherently need to be more tailored to the specific relationship than is remotely possible on a general invitation.

(For context, I'm in my late 20s, so I don't think it's a generational thing...assuming the couple getting married must be at least chronologically over 18.)

Hillia

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I wouldn't waste too much time over it, but to me it would come off as I was 'lame' for declining the invitation.  Happy face/sad face emojis would have done the same thing with less chance of being irritating.

LifeOnPluto

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Occasionally as a teenager, when my brother was annoyed or exasperated with our mother, he'd be rude and say "Mum, you're so lame!"

Our mother's response would be to quirk an eyebrow and say "What an odd thing to say, I can walk perfectly well, thank you. I'm not lame at all."

It usually would end with both of them laughing, and my brother  realising how rude and silly he had been. But he never uses that expression now, as an adult, and I do wonder just how old this HC are? Because to me, I definitely associate it with teenagers, thanks to my brother!

I also agree that there are many reasons why a person cannot attend a wedding, and pre-emptively calling them "lame" does seem quite insulting!

Also slightly off topic (and not really a strict point of etiquette), but I think that a wedding invitation should match the theme, to avoid confusing guests. So a "black tie" wedding, should be covered by a more formal style of invitation, with formal language (no slang). If it was a more casual wedding, I think the HC could get away with a more quirky type of invite.

gellchom

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I too agree -- "bummer!" or "Awwww!" or something would have been better -- "lame" does insult them and dismiss their reason for declining. 

I rarely like any of the attempts to make the wording cute or original.  I don't even care for "accepts with pleasure/declines with regret" wording I often see.  Let the guests tell you how they feel, don't tell them how they are supposed to feel.  Then it's genuine.

Yes, the style of the invitation should match the style of the wedding.

And I agree with LadyL that over personalization and too many gimmicks ultimately detracts from a wedding (or really any event).  At some point I start feeling less like a guest and more like a spectator or even an intruder.

MummySweet

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Thank you all for your thoughts.  I appreciate the all viewpoints that you've shared.   I think LadyL's thoughts on personalization, and some of the potential mishaps, was particularly insightful.     To answer a question that came up a few times, the bride and groom are both in their late 20s. 


Peppergirl

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Is it the word itself that you object to?  I'm in my mid-40s and, while I don't think it's all that funny, it doesn't bother me in the least.

In fact, my son and his wife had Accept (cool!) and Decline (awww!) on theirs and I thought it was cute.  This was just a few months ago.  Obviously I'm a bit biased as it's my son, but I don't recall hearing any negative feedback.  Then again, they didn't use the term 'lame' either.

For reference, they are in their mid to late 20s. The wedding had about 100 guests and was semi-formal bordering on low-key.

Tierrainney

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  • Where the swans winter
I get to ride horses, so my first thought on the word lame is the horse is limping.

But I remember it being used as slang for stupid or boring. 
Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Hmmmmm

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Is it the word itself that you object to?  I'm in my mid-40s and, while I don't think it's all that funny, it doesn't bother me in the least.

In fact, my son and his wife had Accept (cool!) and Decline (awww!) on theirs and I thought it was cute.  This was just a few months ago.  Obviously I'm a bit biased as it's my son, but I don't recall hearing any negative feedback.  Then again, they didn't use the term 'lame' either.

For reference, they are in their mid to late 20s. The wedding had about 100 guests and was semi-formal bordering on low-key.

The title of the thread was "perception of this word" so yes, I was reacting to the use of "lame" and it being offensive. I've seen the cutsey "cools" and "awww" and while not my thing for a formal invite, it's not offensive to me.

gellchom

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Is it the word itself that you object to?  I'm in my mid-40s and, while I don't think it's all that funny, it doesn't bother me in the least.

In fact, my son and his wife had Accept (cool!) and Decline (awww!) on theirs and I thought it was cute.  This was just a few months ago.  Obviously I'm a bit biased as it's my son, but I don't recall hearing any negative feedback.  Then again, they didn't use the term 'lame' either.

For reference, they are in their mid to late 20s. The wedding had about 100 guests and was semi-formal bordering on low-key.

The title of the thread was "perception of this word" so yes, I was reacting to the use of "lame" and it being offensive. I've seen the cutsey "cools" and "awww" and while not my thing for a formal invite, it's not offensive to me.

In addition to the objections to the word "lame" generally, its use here insults the guest who declines by presuming their reason is stupid and probably a lie -- as in "a lame excuse," which implies that it's transparently not true.

"Awwww"'is kind of cutesy for my taste, too, but at least it's not accusatory and insulting.

Carotte

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My two cents, as an ESL just like Maksi, is that I made it to something like 25 until being clued to the first meaning of lame. Untill then for me it only meant something borring/not hip.
I learned english at 95% by reading and watching TV/movies, mostly from the US or UK, so you can consider me a product of the 25/30 generation for whom lame doesn't have any ties to a disability or insult of a disability: more than 15 years of popular media and I think the first time seing lame explained was here.
Insults/swear words quickly or often don't have anything to do with a previous meaning, our word for 'stupid' (well, it's a meaner one than stupid) comes from an old colloquialism for a part of the female anatomy, something most don't know, and no one uses anymore, the meaning having completely been replaced to mean 'stupid'.

I'm still learning things here and there (just like in my own language tbh) and I know now to be carefull with that word because I know of the history but I wouldn't fault a young person using it in a personnal (versus professional because that shouldn't be used in a pro setting anyway) manner.


Luci

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My two cents, as an ESL just like Maksi, is that I made it to something like 25 until being clued to the first meaning of lame. Untill then for me it only meant something borring/not hip.
I learned english at 95% by reading and watching TV/movies, mostly from the US or UK, so you can consider me a product of the 25/30 generation for whom lame doesn't have any ties to a disability or insult of a disability: more than 15 years of popular media and I think the first time seing lame explained was here.
Insults/swear words quickly or often don't have anything to do with a previous meaning, our word for 'stupid' (well, it's a meaner one than stupid) comes from an old colloquialism for a part of the female anatomy, something most don't know, and no one uses anymore, the meaning having completely been replaced to mean 'stupid'.

I'm still learning things here and there (just like in my own language tbh) and I know now to be carefull with that word because I know of the history but I wouldn't fault a young person using it in a personnal (versus professional because that shouldn't be used in a pro setting anyway) manner.

Totally different from Carrotte, I am old, raised in the US and only speak American English.

I feel like the use of "lame" is akin to the use of "dumb" when meaning "stupid, not bright." Look at all the different meanings for "bright" and "smart," for examples.

Hmmmmm

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My two cents, as an ESL just like Maksi, is that I made it to something like 25 until being clued to the first meaning of lame. Untill then for me it only meant something borring/not hip.
I learned english at 95% by reading and watching TV/movies, mostly from the US or UK, so you can consider me a product of the 25/30 generation for whom lame doesn't have any ties to a disability or insult of a disability: more than 15 years of popular media and I think the first time seing lame explained was here.
Insults/swear words quickly or often don't have anything to do with a previous meaning, our word for 'stupid' (well, it's a meaner one than stupid) comes from an old colloquialism for a part of the female anatomy, something most don't know, and no one uses anymore, the meaning having completely been replaced to mean 'stupid'.

I'm still learning things here and there (just like in my own language tbh) and I know now to be carefull with that word because I know of the history but I wouldn't fault a young person using it in a personnal (versus professional because that shouldn't be used in a pro setting anyway) manner.

Carotte, many Americans use Lame to mean exactly what you thought... boring or not hip. When my kid's were younger I heard a lot of "that class is so lame" or "She gave some lame excuse for not going to the party" or "Did you see that Instagram? How lame?"

However, even with the use of that meaning you are still criticizing your guest's decision to not attend as being something negative. It's just extremely poor taste and judgement to use that type of word to describe your guest's actions.

Sharnita

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In my early 40s - I find this offensive and it would be the end of any invitations that I accepted from these people.

Danika

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To me, it seems like the invitation was not well thought out. If they wanted to be cute, they could have used "bummer" as previous posters have suggested.

This informally worded invitation reminds me of Evite invitations which have themes and then the options for yes, no and maybe also have adjectives next to them to go along with the theme.

Still, I'm not amused because at best, lame is a judgment on the guest's decision to say no, or at worst offensive and insensitive to the disabled.

Having said that, it wouldn't sever my friendship with the couple, but it's not a mark in their favor.

Coralline

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My two cents, as an ESL just like Maksi, is that I made it to something like 25 until being clued to the first meaning of lame. Untill then for me it only meant something borring/not hip.
I learned english at 95% by reading and watching TV/movies, mostly from the US or UK, so you can consider me a product of the 25/30 generation for whom lame doesn't have any ties to a disability or insult of a disability: more than 15 years of popular media and I think the first time seing lame explained was here.
Insults/swear words quickly or often don't have anything to do with a previous meaning, our word for 'stupid' (well, it's a meaner one than stupid) comes from an old colloquialism for a part of the female anatomy, something most don't know, and no one uses anymore, the meaning having completely been replaced to mean 'stupid'.

I'm still learning things here and there (just like in my own language tbh) and I know now to be carefull with that word because I know of the history but I wouldn't fault a young person using it in a personnal (versus professional because that shouldn't be used in a pro setting anyway) manner.

Carotte, many Americans use Lame to mean exactly what you thought... boring or not hip. When my kid's were younger I heard a lot of "that class is so lame" or "She gave some lame excuse for not going to the party" or "Did you see that Instagram? How lame?"

However, even with the use of that meaning you are still criticizing your guest's decision to not attend as being something negative. It's just extremely poor taste and judgement to use that type of word to describe your guest's actions.

Yes, you clarified what was bothering me about it, Hmmm.

The "Awww" or "bummer" ones are about them - we're sad you can't make it.

The "lame" one is personal - you're stupid/dumb cause you're not coming. It's a judgement. I don't like it For that reason.