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  • November 24, 2017, 03:35:50 AM

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Author Topic: What is your perception of this word and its inclusion on a wedding invitation?  (Read 8921 times)

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Oh Joy

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In my early 40s - I find this offensive and it would be the end of any invitations that I accepted from these people.

I'm curious - do you literally mean that you would decline to attend any event for this family for the rest of your life?  No baby showers, birthday parties, graduations, holidays, anniversaries, etc. ever?

rose red

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In my early 40s - I find this offensive and it would be the end of any invitations that I accepted from these people.

I'm curious - do you literally mean that you would decline to attend any event for this family for the rest of your life?  No baby showers, birthday parties, graduations, holidays, anniversaries, etc. ever?

I'm wondering the same thing. It's very easy to judge some random couple you will never meet and only read about on the internet. But would you (general you) feel the same about a cousin, sibling, best friend, godchild, niece/nephew, etc. for making one clueless joke?

eta: I'm in my 40's and took it in the "uncool" meaning. I seriously doubt they even thought of the disabled meaning.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2016, 07:22:22 PM by rose red »

gellchom

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Yes, it's really two separate issues (as the title of the OP seems to acknowledge) -- (1) whether the word "lame" is inherently offensive irrespective of context, and (2) whether it is essentially calling your invitee stupid or dishonest if they decline, like if instead of "lame!" they had something like "bogus!" or "loser!"

Peppergirl

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I was wondering too. Not judging, but IMO it seems kind of harsh to say you'd write off future invites from a couple for what could just be poor judgement on their part.  More than likely they're just clueless, not mean people.   

Tea Drinker

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My feeling is both that it's ableist and that it implies that there can be no good reason for declining their invitation: not previous social plans, not the expense, not health, not work, not family obligations, nothing. The people who sent the invitation might not be aware of why "lame" in the slang put-down senses is problematic, but not realizing that the card declares that there is something wrong with anyone who declines their invitation is definitely thoughtless.

I suspect that in this context I would either accept and separately explain why I thought the card was problematic, or decline in a letter, explaining that I am sorry I won't be at their wedding, but that I don't appreciate the idea that there is something wrong with me because I am declining. Yes, this will complicate their filing, but they can get another damned card if they don't think they can remember that I said no on a different sized paper.
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Winterlight

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I think it's pretty tasteless. I wouldn't end a relationship over it, but neither would I be pleased to receive such an invitation. There's a reason standard wording exists.

Is it the word itself that you object to?  I'm in my mid-40s and, while I don't think it's all that funny, it doesn't bother me in the least.

In fact, my son and his wife had Accept (cool!) and Decline (awww!) on theirs and I thought it was cute.  This was just a few months ago.  Obviously I'm a bit biased as it's my son, but I don't recall hearing any negative feedback.  Then again, they didn't use the term 'lame' either.

For reference, they are in their mid to late 20s. The wedding had about 100 guests and was semi-formal bordering on low-key.

That wouldn't bother me at all, personally. It might be a bit silly/cutesy to some guests, but it's not offensive.
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AliciaLynette

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I think it's pretty tasteless. I wouldn't end a relationship over it, but neither would I be pleased to receive such an invitation. There's a reason standard wording exists.

Is it the word itself that you object to?  I'm in my mid-40s and, while I don't think it's all that funny, it doesn't bother me in the least.

In fact, my son and his wife had Accept (cool!) and Decline (awww!) on theirs and I thought it was cute.  This was just a few months ago.  Obviously I'm a bit biased as it's my son, but I don't recall hearing any negative feedback.  Then again, they didn't use the term 'lame' either.

For reference, they are in their mid to late 20s. The wedding had about 100 guests and was semi-formal bordering on low-key.

That wouldn't bother me at all, personally. It might be a bit silly/cutesy to some guests, but it's not offensive.

I've been pondering on this, and I think Peppergirl's son's wording was fine if a little cutesy, because the Cool/Aww clearly denotes how both the guest and the HC would react to each option.
'Lame' just highlights how the HC would feel you were behaving if you said no.  I would not be impressed.  I might go to the wedding if I was already intending to go, but I would probably let life get in the way of maintaining a close relationship with this couple.
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sammycat

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I don't see why any extra words have to be added to the decline/accept options in the first place.


crazycatlady331

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(mid 30s)

I don't necessarily mind the word (and I've used it before, but not as slang, more in the context of politics, my job-- ie lame duck politician)

However, weddings are typically intergenerational events where elderly grandparents and toddler nieces/nephews are often invited.  When inviting more than just your peer group, you have to be more careful with wording/language.  The awesome/lame thing might be more appropriate for a 21st birthday bar hopping party.

Surianne

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I would assume they were just goofing around and trying to make the invitation fun, not that they were insulting the guests in any way.

WolfWay

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Yes, you clarified what was bothering me about it, Hmmm.

The "Awww" or "bummer" ones are about them - we're sad you can't make it.

The "lame" one is personal - you're stupid/dumb cause you're not coming. It's a judgement. I don't like it For that reason.
I'm also mid 30s and I read that as a judgmental "you're boring/stupid/dumb because you're not coming!" (but that might be because I used to work around a group of people who would collectively gang up on you if you didn't want to do [expensive/dangerous/timeconsuming thing they wanted to do] and I still bristle at the implication I'm "boring/silly/stupid" for not wanting to do thing that other person wants me to do, despite my own wishes on the subject).
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gellchom

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I would assume they were just goofing around and trying to make the invitation fun, not that they were insulting the guests in any way.

I'm sure you're right -- of course they weren't intending to insult anyone.  And I can't imagine that any of their loved ones held it against them.  But look at the response "lame" in this context gets from so many people.  That's why their choice of words, though intended to be fun and casual, was poor. 

Surianne

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I would assume they were just goofing around and trying to make the invitation fun, not that they were insulting the guests in any way.

I'm sure you're right -- of course they weren't intending to insult anyone.  And I can't imagine that any of their loved ones held it against them.  But look at the response "lame" in this context gets from so many people.  That's why their choice of words, though intended to be fun and casual, was poor.

I was just answering the OP's question -- that is what I personally would think and perceive based on the wording.  I'd think "Oh, they're goofing around."  And maybe that they're trying to make the wedding seem more comfortable and less formal or serious.

kareng57

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I would assume they were just goofing around and trying to make the invitation fun, not that they were insulting the guests in any way.

I'm sure you're   right -- of course they weren't intending to insult anyone.  And I can't imagine that any of their loved ones held it against them.  But look at the response "lame" in this context gets from so many people.  That's why their choice of words, though intended to be fun and casual, was poor.


I agree, but I actually would hold this against them.  At some point in their adult lives, people have to learn that actions have consequences.