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  • November 24, 2017, 02:54:23 PM

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Author Topic: help choosing what to wear for wedding - *amusing interim U/D*#20, final UD#35  (Read 8430 times)

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cicero

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Where is this wedding?  In some parts of the US, this would imply a long gown or very fancy pants outfit; in others, cocktail dresses.  Plus it seems to vary by year ....  Anyway, if you are in the NYC area, think dressier; LA area, more casual; and so forth.

I
It's in the hudson valley, if that helps

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#borecore

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I'm sorry to go against the grain here, but I do think you risk being overly casual with that dress. It looks like a nice evening out dress, or something I might wear with a blazer to work, but not "formal."

Obviously, YMMV, but I think it would be out of place, just a bit, at an occasion where others are wearing sparkles and floor-length gowns.

Zizi-K

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Given the time of day, the location, and the fact that it is outdoors, I would be very surprised if anyone is wearing floor length anything. If it were at a fancy hotel or something, then yes. But outdoors in the country? Highly unlikely.

gellchom

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There may be a few in long gowns, but I'd be extremely surprised if most or all are. 

With very dressy accessories, I think that that dress will look plenty formal given the venue and the dress code. 

We can all take a lesson here on the risk on uncertainty from dress codes other than the basic, well-understood ones.  People think things like "dress to the nines!" or "festive casual" are fun, breezy, and less boring and possibly less bossy.  But they drive guests crazy, especially if they are not part of your community, because they are vague. 

Thipu1

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Okay, Hudson Valley, outdoors, afternoon and late summer.  That combination will almost certainly mean bugs.  Bugs seem to like getting up inside long dresses and eating the wearer alive.  I know this from experience. 

I still think the cobalt dress will be perfectly fine.  Just remember to accessorize it with plenty of insect repellant


cicero

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so, i tried the dress on to make sure it fits, and take a pic so i can find matching jewlery.

the dress is too big. it's not terrible, but it's definately big on me.

WHich is a good thing (i bought it for an event in november and i lost weight since then). but - now i don't know if i can wear it. I'll check again, but I think i need to buy something new...


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Really?

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LOL Congrats on loosing weight.

gellchom

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I vote for this one

http://www.burlingtoncoatfactory.com/burlingtoncoatfactory/Women/Lace-w-Sequins-Dress-275232612.aspx?h=66760

I especially like it in navy, but if you think you might eventually take in the blue one you already have, maybe you'd rather get this one in black.  Both are nice.  You will look beautiful!

crella

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I vote for this one

http://www.burlingtoncoatfactory.com/burlingtoncoatfactory/Women/Lace-w-Sequins-Dress-275232612.aspx?h=66760

I especially like it in navy, but if you think you might eventually take in the blue one you already have, maybe you'd rather get this one in black.  Both are nice.  You will look beautiful!

I like this one, too!

lmyrs

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There may be a few in long gowns, but I'd be extremely surprised if most or all are. 

With very dressy accessories, I think that that dress will look plenty formal given the venue and the dress code. 

We can all take a lesson here on the risk on uncertainty from dress codes other than the basic, well-understood ones.  People think things like "dress to the nines!" or "festive casual" are fun, breezy, and less boring and possibly less bossy.  But they drive guests crazy, especially if they are not part of your community, because they are vague.

I don't know how much more basic or well understood you expect the couple to make it. It says "formal attire". There are no cutesy slogans. If this is too complex then I don't know what couples cans possibly do.

gellchom

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  • Posts: 3722
There may be a few in long gowns, but I'd be extremely surprised if most or all are. 

With very dressy accessories, I think that that dress will look plenty formal given the venue and the dress code. 

We can all take a lesson here on the risk on uncertainty from dress codes other than the basic, well-understood ones.  People think things like "dress to the nines!" or "festive casual" are fun, breezy, and less boring and possibly less bossy.  But they drive guests crazy, especially if they are not part of your community, because they are vague.

I don't know how much more basic or well understood you expect the couple to make it. It says "formal attire". There are no cutesy slogans. If this is too complex then I don't know what couples cans possibly do.

Well, it said "formal attire requested."  You are right, that isn't cutesy or original, but the "requested" part throws me off a bit, and actually so does "formal," especially for an event starting before 5:00 in the afternoon but stretching into evening.  And the caution about outside on the grass adds yet another factor.  You just don't think of floor-sweeping gowns and spike heels.  So the time and venue might make any kind of formal designation tricky. 

If they meant evening formal, "cocktail attire" or "black tie" are clearer -- both imply evening wear.  Tuxedo or dark suit and white shirt for men; gown or cocktail dress or dressy pants outfit and evening accessories for women.

Formal day wear is different from formal evening wear.  For men, I believe it means morning coat or a suit.  For women, a good daytime outfit (and in some areas, I believe, still a hat and maybe gloves?  Toots, can you enlighten?).

So especially given the late (but before 5:00) afternoon start, "formal" actually isn't very clear.  Google around and you'll find dozens of etiquette and wedding sites with questions from puzzled guests of late afternoon weddings. 

And "requested" just muddies the waters further, in my opinion.  I think people put that (or "optional" or "preferred") on invitations to avoid feeling bossy, but as a dark suit or dressy short dress/pants outfit are both acceptable for "black tie" (and I guess for "formal," too) anyway, it's not necessary to avoid forcing anyone, and it ends up sending a signal to dress down a little bit -- maybe you'd wear your long gown if it just said "black tie," but you might worry you'd be the only one in a gown if it added "optional" or "requested."  Otherwise, what does it mean?  It's not like if you don't put "requested" or "preferred" or "optional," you're going to deny admission to anyone not in black tie/gown!

cross_patch

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There may be a few in long gowns, but I'd be extremely surprised if most or all are. 

With very dressy accessories, I think that that dress will look plenty formal given the venue and the dress code. 

We can all take a lesson here on the risk on uncertainty from dress codes other than the basic, well-understood ones.  People think things like "dress to the nines!" or "festive casual" are fun, breezy, and less boring and possibly less bossy.  But they drive guests crazy, especially if they are not part of your community, because they are vague.

I don't know how much more basic or well understood you expect the couple to make it. It says "formal attire". There are no cutesy slogans. If this is too complex then I don't know what couples cans possibly do.

Well, it said "formal attire requested."  You are right, that isn't cutesy or original, but the "requested" part throws me off a bit, and actually so does "formal," especially for an event starting before 5:00 in the afternoon but stretching into evening.  And the caution about outside on the grass adds yet another factor.  You just don't think of floor-sweeping gowns and spike heels.  So the time and venue might make any kind of formal designation tricky. 

If they meant evening formal, "cocktail attire" or "black tie" are clearer -- both imply evening wear.  Tuxedo or dark suit and white shirt for men; gown or cocktail dress or dressy pants outfit and evening accessories for women.

Formal day wear is different from formal evening wear.  For men, I believe it means morning coat or a suit.  For women, a good daytime outfit (and in some areas, I believe, still a hat and maybe gloves?  Toots, can you enlighten?).

So especially given the late (but before 5:00) afternoon start, "formal" actually isn't very clear.  Google around and you'll find dozens of etiquette and wedding sites with questions from puzzled guests of late afternoon weddings. 

And "requested" just muddies the waters further, in my opinion.  I think people put that (or "optional" or "preferred") on invitations to avoid feeling bossy, but as a dark suit or dressy short dress/pants outfit are both acceptable for "black tie" (and I guess for "formal," too) anyway, it's not necessary to avoid forcing anyone, and it ends up sending a signal to dress down a little bit -- maybe you'd wear your long gown if it just said "black tie," but you might worry you'd be the only one in a gown if it added "optional" or "requested."  Otherwise, what does it mean?  It's not like if you don't put "requested" or "preferred" or "optional," you're going to deny admission to anyone not in black tie/gown!

I think you're just making it unnecessarily complicated. It seems very straightforward to me too.

Hmmmmm

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There may be a few in long gowns, but I'd be extremely surprised if most or all are. 

With very dressy accessories, I think that that dress will look plenty formal given the venue and the dress code. 

We can all take a lesson here on the risk on uncertainty from dress codes other than the basic, well-understood ones.  People think things like "dress to the nines!" or "festive casual" are fun, breezy, and less boring and possibly less bossy.  But they drive guests crazy, especially if they are not part of your community, because they are vague.

I don't know how much more basic or well understood you expect the couple to make it. It says "formal attire". There are no cutesy slogans. If this is too complex then I don't know what couples cans possibly do.

Well, it said "formal attire requested."  You are right, that isn't cutesy or original, but the "requested" part throws me off a bit, and actually so does "formal," especially for an event starting before 5:00 in the afternoon but stretching into evening.  And the caution about outside on the grass adds yet another factor.  You just don't think of floor-sweeping gowns and spike heels.  So the time and venue might make any kind of formal designation tricky. 

If they meant evening formal, "cocktail attire" or "black tie" are clearer -- both imply evening wear.  Tuxedo or dark suit and white shirt for men; gown or cocktail dress or dressy pants outfit and evening accessories for women.

Formal day wear is different from formal evening wear.  For men, I believe it means morning coat or a suit.  For women, a good daytime outfit (and in some areas, I believe, still a hat and maybe gloves?  Toots, can you enlighten?).

So especially given the late (but before 5:00) afternoon start, "formal" actually isn't very clear.  Google around and you'll find dozens of etiquette and wedding sites with questions from puzzled guests of late afternoon weddings. 

And "requested" just muddies the waters further, in my opinion.  I think people put that (or "optional" or "preferred") on invitations to avoid feeling bossy, but as a dark suit or dressy short dress/pants outfit are both acceptable for "black tie" (and I guess for "formal," too) anyway, it's not necessary to avoid forcing anyone, and it ends up sending a signal to dress down a little bit -- maybe you'd wear your long gown if it just said "black tie," but you might worry you'd be the only one in a gown if it added "optional" or "requested."  Otherwise, what does it mean?  It's not like if you don't put "requested" or "preferred" or "optional," you're going to deny admission to anyone not in black tie/gown!

From memory, standard dress codes are:
White Tie
Black Tie
Black Tie Optional (Also sometimes referred to as Formal)
Semi-Formal
Casual
Other's are becoming common (even noticed Emily Post refers to them on her website) like Business Formal, Business Casual and Dressy Casual)

Black Tie Optional is what I think this invitation was aiming for since they used Formal requested.  For women that is long dresses, dressy separates, or cocktail dress. With an outdoor wedding with the celebrations starting around cocktail hour, i would think most women will show up in cocktail dresses. Women are only required to wear floor length at White Tie.

I think what they were trying for is "Back tie optional" which is standard but is also interchangeable with Formal (

gellchom

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  • Posts: 3722
There may be a few in long gowns, but I'd be extremely surprised if most or all are. 

With very dressy accessories, I think that that dress will look plenty formal given the venue and the dress code. 

We can all take a lesson here on the risk on uncertainty from dress codes other than the basic, well-understood ones.  People think things like "dress to the nines!" or "festive casual" are fun, breezy, and less boring and possibly less bossy.  But they drive guests crazy, especially if they are not part of your community, because they are vague.

I don't know how much more basic or well understood you expect the couple to make it. It says "formal attire". There are no cutesy slogans. If this is too complex then I don't know what couples cans possibly do.

Well, it said "formal attire requested."  You are right, that isn't cutesy or original, but the "requested" part throws me off a bit, and actually so does "formal," especially for an event starting before 5:00 in the afternoon but stretching into evening.  And the caution about outside on the grass adds yet another factor.  You just don't think of floor-sweeping gowns and spike heels.  So the time and venue might make any kind of formal designation tricky. 

If they meant evening formal, "cocktail attire" or "black tie" are clearer -- both imply evening wear.  Tuxedo or dark suit and white shirt for men; gown or cocktail dress or dressy pants outfit and evening accessories for women.

Formal day wear is different from formal evening wear.  For men, I believe it means morning coat or a suit.  For women, a good daytime outfit (and in some areas, I believe, still a hat and maybe gloves?  Toots, can you enlighten?).

So especially given the late (but before 5:00) afternoon start, "formal" actually isn't very clear.  Google around and you'll find dozens of etiquette and wedding sites with questions from puzzled guests of late afternoon weddings. 

And "requested" just muddies the waters further, in my opinion.  I think people put that (or "optional" or "preferred") on invitations to avoid feeling bossy, but as a dark suit or dressy short dress/pants outfit are both acceptable for "black tie" (and I guess for "formal," too) anyway, it's not necessary to avoid forcing anyone, and it ends up sending a signal to dress down a little bit -- maybe you'd wear your long gown if it just said "black tie," but you might worry you'd be the only one in a gown if it added "optional" or "requested."  Otherwise, what does it mean?  It's not like if you don't put "requested" or "preferred" or "optional," you're going to deny admission to anyone not in black tie/gown!

From memory, standard dress codes are:
White Tie
Black Tie
Black Tie Optional (Also sometimes referred to as Formal)
Semi-Formal
Casual
Other's are becoming common (even noticed Emily Post refers to them on her website) like Business Formal, Business Casual and Dressy Casual)

Black Tie Optional is what I think this invitation was aiming for since they used Formal requested.  For women that is long dresses, dressy separates, or cocktail dress. With an outdoor wedding with the celebrations starting around cocktail hour, i would think most women will show up in cocktail dresses. Women are only required to wear floor length at White Tie.

I think what they were trying for is "Back tie optional" which is standard but is also interchangeable with Formal (

I think so, too.  If this started at 6:00, I'd have no trouble knowing what to wear.  Or if everyone were sure that the reception were going to be a fancy dinner dance in a hotel ballroom going late into the night, not a 90 minute cake and coffee reception.  But the start time and venue both make it a little tricky.  Mixed signals, sort of.  So in that case I'd be extra clear and go with "black tie optional" or (my preference) "black tie" if they want evening wear, not formal daytime clothes. 

They can keep the footwear caution, though.  It's hard to wear dressy dresses with lawn-friendly shoes!  At least if you are short. The last wedding I went to had a similar dress code on their website.  So I just brought two pairs of shoes.

lmyrs

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Well the ceremony is outdoors at 4:00pm but I don't see any indication in the OP as to where, what and when the reception is. Perhaps I missed it. That would be what sets my standard. I don't think that a ceremony happening before 5:00pm is really the standard of formality. I'm pretty sure that the only time I've ever in my life been to a ceremony after 5:00pm it was an outdoor wedding.