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Author Topic: "Etiquette says you will...." Update # 26  (Read 8966 times)

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SamiHami

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #15 on: August 24, 2016, 11:49:16 AM »
These people are being pretty fast and loose with the word "etiquette," aren't they? They don't invite 1/2 of an established couple to the wedding and then they tell you that you didn't rsvp fast enough to be able to attend surrounding events? But they are trying to (and apparently succeeding to some degree) hold up the grooms family for funds they can't afford because of "etiquette?"

I think I'd ask to see which etiquette book they are referring to, because it's not one I've ever come across.

And I would totally RSVP yes for the luncheon/reception just to see what their reaction would be. You know that you really should not go to this disaster in the making, but for the sake of EHell, I kinda hope you do! I imagine all kinds of stories coming from this union.

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

CL32

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2016, 12:00:13 PM »
I said I couldn't wait to see the centerpieces she paid half for. And then she told me if I hadn't RSVP'd already, I couldn't attend the luncheon/reception since it's already full. RSVP deadline is 2 weeks away and I was going to respond this week since I finally had my time off request approved.


Syfygeek, if you do nothing else, please, PLEASE, PLEASE rsvp "yes" to this luncheon. I'm dying to see what happens when they realize how massively poorly they've planned things.

Cali.in.UK

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2016, 01:18:57 PM »
Wow!  The bride's family is invoking etiquette rules as it fits their needs. If I was the groom's family, I would talk with my son and let him know how much money we were planning to spend on the wedding.  Then talk with the hc together and relay the same message.



I was going to suggest something similar. The grooms family needs to say something immediately before the other family's spending gets out of control. They could even send an email after they speak with the bride and groom and cc all relevant members saying, "we will contribute up to $X amount." This is a situation of financial boundary stompers and the groom's family needs to polish their spines before they get stuck paying for things they are not interested in paying for.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #18 on: August 29, 2016, 01:30:39 PM »
How'd I miss this trainwreck?  Besides the fact that there are very few etiquette rules that they are actually following, etiquette should never be used as a tool to bludgeon someone.

TaterTot

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #19 on: September 06, 2016, 01:12:04 PM »
I agree with PPs that the groom's family should let the bride's family know how much they are willing to contribute towards the wedding and then hand over the funds to be used for whatever is needed. Otherwise, the groom's family will just keep receiving bills for things they had no part in planning and no way to limit their contribution (other than refusing to pay those bills, which could create tension and bad feelings between the families).

JoieGirl7

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #20 on: September 06, 2016, 02:54:44 PM »
The proper etiquette on who should pay what for a wedding is that they pay on,y for what they offer and promise to pay for.

Women are no longer property and marriages are no longer transactions between families.

My son was married about a year and half ago and I offered to pay for the bride's bouquet.  We had some issues with me using a different florist than the one her family chose and the bouquet I got for the bride did not match.

Since I was already picking up the bridesmaid bouquets and had them with me, I took one back to my florist and asked her to match it..  So, I ended up with two bridal bouquets!

The bride picked the one she liked best and the other one was used for her to throw.  Kind of an expensive throw but I got myself into the predicament and kept my issues completely to myself.

We also offered to pay for a rehearsal dinner and her family had never even heard of such a thing but we're happy to have us do it.  My only issue with that was the bride's father acting as if he was the host and not my husband and I.

But, oh well!  It was a beautiful reception and we all had a great time.  They are happily married and now have everyone's first grandchild.  In spite of some of the wedding drama, all the grandparents get along great mainly due to their daughter (my DIL) being such an amazing person!

Chez Miriam

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #21 on: September 06, 2016, 04:00:34 PM »
How'd I miss this trainwreck?  Besides the fact that there are very few etiquette rules that they are actually following, etiquette should never be used as a tool to bludgeon someone.

Seconding JeanFromBNA: how did I miss this?  I think of etiquette as oil - something to smooth the passage through life - not a hammer [as above, "a tool to bludgeon someone"]!

Syfygeek, please do keep us updated...  I remember your post from the holiday home thread; some of these people are clueless, no?
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

sammycat

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2016, 06:14:14 PM »
Had a visit this weekend with some relatives whose son is getting married. And they are going broke paying for things because the bride, and her family keep adding expenses to the groom's family and when questioned, they invoke "etiquette says.."

The MOG was telling me she received a bill for $500 for 1/2 the flowers for the luncheon centerpieces, plus a separate bill of $400 for the brides bouquet. When I asked why she was paying that, she said the bride said the groom's family always pays for half the flowers, and the brides bouquet according to etiquette. I said I couldn't wait to see the centerpieces she paid half for. And then she told me if I hadn't RSVP'd already, I couldn't attend the luncheon/reception since it's already full. RSVP deadline is 2 weeks away and I was going to respond this week since I finally had my time off request approved.

And there's dress codes for the bridal showers- the lingerie shower- the guests were to wear red; the bridal shower the guests need to wear black; AND- the bachelorette is western themed and all guests are to "cowboy it up".

Has anyone heard of the grooms family paying for flowers? It's not anything I've run across before.

The groom's family is being used and needs to put an end to it NOW.  The bride's family is so lacking in etiquette (and common decency) that I don't think they even know what it is.

I would not under any circumstances pay for anything else, nor would I wear any of the colour themes to the parties.  As you've already RSVPed Yes to the party you are entirely entitled to attend. Unless it was explicitly stated on the invitation that seats are limited and it's first come, first served, they don't have any leg to stand on in not accepting anyone's RSVP.  If for nothing else, I'd attend just to see what is bound to be a major etiquette-challenged trainwreck take place

All that aside, who the heck spend $1,000 on flower centrepieces for a luncheon?? I don't know anyone who spent that much on all the flowers for the entire wedding! This is assuming they really were only being billed for half. Did the bride's family actually produce a legitimate $1,000 receipt for this?

TootsNYC

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #23 on: September 06, 2016, 11:00:20 PM »
Most etiquette books say that the *groom* (not the groom's family, bcs he's self-sufficient now, no?) buy the bride's bouquet.

Sort of like, the guy buys his prom date a corsage, and this is more important than the prom.  But $400? And even if that's what flowers cost nowadays, he should be consulted before being told what he will pony up for.

Peppergirl

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #24 on: September 07, 2016, 07:30:58 PM »
How'd I miss this trainwreck?  Besides the fact that there are very few etiquette rules that they are actually following, etiquette should never be used as a tool to bludgeon someone.

Yeah, this wins the thread. 

OP, if you're unwilling to sacrifice yourself for us by attending the blessed event, can we at least count on you to have a willing spy in place that will report back to you (us) as to the inevitable shenanigans that occurred?  >:D

Chez Miriam

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #25 on: September 08, 2016, 04:49:34 PM »
How'd I miss this trainwreck?  Besides the fact that there are very few etiquette rules that they are actually following, etiquette should never be used as a tool to bludgeon someone.

Yeah, this wins the thread. 

OP, if you're unwilling to sacrifice yourself for us by attending the blessed event, can we at least count on you to have a willing spy in place that will report back to you (us) as to the inevitable shenanigans that occurred?  >:D

Cunning plan, Peppergirl!
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

Syfygeek

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #26 on: September 15, 2016, 10:50:05 AM »
Due to various reasons, I am not attending the festivities. But I'm sure I'll hear about it.

I have seen photos from the "All Black Bachelorette". The "Bride to B" wore white and everyone else wore black.  Have not seen the western wear event. But the lingerie shower, with the guests in red, red flowers, a mannequin in a nighty, etc looked a tad, um, bordello-ish?

Chez Miriam- yep, it's those houseguests.
That's my purse! I don't know you!

Chez Miriam

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #27 on: September 15, 2016, 11:22:02 AM »
Due to various reasons, I am not attending the festivities. But I'm sure I'll hear about it.

I have seen photos from the "All Black Bachelorette". The "Bride to B" wore white and everyone else wore black.  Have not seen the western wear event. But the lingerie shower, with the guests in red, red flowers, a mannequin in a nighty, etc looked a tad, um, bordello-ish?

Chez Miriam- yep, it's those houseguests.

Ah, say no more. ::)
"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well."  - Julian of Norwich

artk2002

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #28 on: September 15, 2016, 06:19:45 PM »
Due to various reasons, I am not attending the festivities. But I'm sure I'll hear about it.

I have seen photos from the "All Black Bachelorette". The "Bride to B" wore white and everyone else wore black.  Have not seen the western wear event. But the lingerie shower, with the guests in red, red flowers, a mannequin in a nighty, etc looked a tad, um, bordello-ish?

Chez Miriam- yep, it's those houseguests.

Is this a wedding or a theatrical production? Sounds like it needs Busby Berkeley to choreograph the whole thing.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Syfygeek

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Re: "Etiquette says you will...."
« Reply #29 on: September 16, 2016, 09:28:07 AM »
Due to various reasons, I am not attending the festivities. But I'm sure I'll hear about it.

I have seen photos from the "All Black Bachelorette". The "Bride to B" wore white and everyone else wore black.  Have not seen the western wear event. But the lingerie shower, with the guests in red, red flowers, a mannequin in a nighty, etc looked a tad, um, bordello-ish?

Chez Miriam- yep, it's those houseguests.

Is this a wedding or a theatrical production? Sounds like it needs Busby Berkeley to choreograph the whole thing.

No no no, Art. It's all beach themed. The soundtrack would feature wingadingdingy Dale from the Frankie & Annette movies, maybe some Jan and Dean.
That's my purse! I don't know you!