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  • August 19, 2017, 12:22:49 PM

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Author Topic: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?  (Read 6760 times)

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gellchom

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Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #30 on: August 24, 2016, 08:05:07 PM »
Are you and your fiance hosting or one of your parents? Are you planning a formal affair? If parents (even if your helping pay and plan the whole thing)  and formal I'd go with something like:

Please join us at a reception
to celebrate the union of
Miss Jane Bride and Mr John Groom

Saturday, 1st of November 2016
at 7pm

11111 Main Street

RSVP XXXXXX
Dressy Casual Suggested

Jane and John will wed in an intimate ceremony on 15 Oct (smaller print and italicized)

Given with love by Mr & Mrs Bride Parents and Mr and Mrs Groom Parents

if the two of you are self hosting and plan a casual bbq I'd do:

John and Jane
Are Getting Married
It's an intimate ceremony
But we want to share our joy with friends and family

Please join us on for a BBQ Celebration
Saturday, 1 November 2017
at
1111 Main Street

RSVP xxxxxx
Casual Attire

The first one is perfect, but I think the second one is open to confusion to those who don't already know the plans.  Is the intimate ceremony earlier that day or some other time?  What does "share our joy" mean I'm being invited to?  And heaven knows what some people will visualize as an "intimate" ceremony!   :)

kareng57

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Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #31 on: August 24, 2016, 09:25:43 PM »
Are you and your fiance hosting or one of your parents? Are you planning a formal affair? If parents (even if your helping pay and plan the whole thing)  and formal I'd go with something like:

Please join us at a reception
to celebrate the union of
Miss Jane Bride and Mr John Groom

Saturday, 1st of November 2016
at 7pm

11111 Main Street

RSVP XXXXXX
Dressy Casual Suggested

Jane and John will wed in an intimate ceremony on 15 Oct (smaller print and italicized)

Given with love by Mr & Mrs Bride Parents and Mr and Mrs Groom Parents

if the two of you are self hosting and plan a casual bbq I'd do:

John and Jane
Are Getting Married
It's an intimate ceremony
But we want to share our joy with friends and family

Please join us on for a BBQ Celebration
Saturday, 1 November 2017
at
1111 Main Street

RSVP xxxxxx
Casual Attire

The first one is perfect, but I think the second one is open to confusion to those who don't already know the plans.  Is the intimate ceremony earlier that day or some other time?  What does "share our joy" mean I'm being invited to?  And heaven knows what some people will visualize as an "intimate" ceremony!   :)


I agree, and I too think that "private ceremony" is the way to go.  Any references to "family ceremony" could lead relatives such as siblings, aunts/uncles etc. to believe that they will be invited.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #32 on: August 25, 2016, 06:33:23 AM »
I'm with the majority - don't have an engagement party beforehand in lieu of the reception after the ceremony.  Have a reception/party (days/weeks) after the ceremony where the majority of guests live. If I'm invited to an engagement party I expect a wedding invite will then be forthcoming in due course.

I live in Australia and did see a previous post about "large engagement parties, small weddings" being common/customary here. I have heard of couples doing similar - but I wouldn't say its the norm and I have always seen engagement parties as a prelude to the wedding. Although I have heard of many cases where people are invited to the ceremony and NOT the reception - which I think is potentially more awkward!

As another Australian, I can't say I've ever come across a large engagement part/small wedding situation.  Barring some very strenuous circumstances (eg. huge falling out between a guest and HC), the engagement party guest list is usually seen as a precursor to the wedding guest list.

I don't understand the inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception part. How does that work? Are they held on separate days? Either way, it sounds incredibly rude.  Dress up and come see us exchange vows, but get lost afterwards as we're not going to bother feeding you?

I think what's bothering me here is that (in my experience, anyway) "engagement parties" aren't given by the couple themselves, they are given by others for them.  So if the invitation comes from the HC themselves, there is a real risk that it will be seen as, if not a gift grab, then sort of wanting to have your cake and eat it, too.

That may depend on where (general) you live. Here in Australia it's the norm for the couple and/or their guardians to pay for/host the party. I certainly couldn't imagine expecting a friend or more distant relative to pay for it. That seems extremely entitled.

Yeah, it would be so weird here for a friend to throw an engagement party or brunch or whatever for a couple. You do it yourself (or your parents do, but more often you throw it I think).

I'm increasingly seeing engagement parties (and for that matter, bridal showers and baby showers too), where the entire event is actually organised / paid for by the guest(s) of honour*, and in many cases held at the GOH's house, but the invitations are "sent" by parents or friends (that is, the invitations state that the parents or friend is hosting, despite the fact that the invitee is then asked to RSVP directly to the GOH).

*Not just speculation, as several of my friends/acquaintances have openly admitted this.

Hmmmmm

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  • Posts: 8793
Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #33 on: August 25, 2016, 08:13:46 AM »
Are you and your fiance hosting or one of your parents? Are you planning a formal affair? If parents (even if your helping pay and plan the whole thing)  and formal I'd go with something like:

Please join us at a reception
to celebrate the union of
Miss Jane Bride and Mr John Groom

Saturday, 1st of November 2016
at 7pm

11111 Main Street

RSVP XXXXXX
Dressy Casual Suggested

Jane and John will wed in an intimate ceremony on 15 Oct (smaller print and italicized)

Given with love by Mr & Mrs Bride Parents and Mr and Mrs Groom Parents

if the two of you are self hosting and plan a casual bbq I'd do:

John and Jane
Are Getting Married
It's an intimate ceremony
But we want to share our joy with friends and family

Please join us on for a BBQ Celebration
Saturday, 1 November 2017
at
1111 Main Street

RSVP xxxxxx
Casual Attire

The first one is perfect, but I think the second one is open to confusion to those who don't already know the plans.  Is the intimate ceremony earlier that day or some other time?  What does "share our joy" mean I'm being invited to?  And heaven knows what some people will visualize as an "intimate" ceremony!   :)

 ;D ;D ;DI'm reading that second one's wording in a completely different light now. Funny way to start the morning.

Sophia

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  • xi
Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #34 on: August 25, 2016, 10:43:11 AM »
Another idea.   Call it an engagement party, and then get married at it.

which would defeat the purpose of having a small wedding.

It depends on the reason for the small wedding.  If the reason was in order to easily and completely eliminate the baggage and expectations that come with a Wedding, then it would suit the purpose precisely. 

Lynda_34

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Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #35 on: January 12, 2017, 08:34:01 AM »
I paid for my daughter's wedding shower and will pay for her baby shower.  However her maid of honor hosted and did the leg work (find venue, send invites etc)  for both.

 My feeling was that it was tacky if as the mother I threw the party but the maid of honor wanted a potluck for the wedding shower. It was what she could afford.

 I felt that was tacky and vetoed the idea.  I then worked with the MOH and we had a lovely catered shower in a bar that was closed that afternoon for us.  I also bought and brought in dessert.  The shower was held in the town where my daughter was living at the time. 

I had an open bar (who drinks a lot on a Sunday afternoon)  I also had the husbands and significant others due to distance invited, they played pool on the other side of the venue and they planned to buy burgers etc.  however there was so much food I told them to go through the buffet line. The entire thing cost me about $1500.

I am paying for the baby shower.  Once again the MOH is doing all the legwork and I'm writing a check.

The MOH couldn't have afforded this but my daughter had an elegant shower for about 60 plus people.

Flexibility and what works for everyone is key.

LifeOnPluto

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  • Posts: 8096
Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #36 on: January 13, 2017, 09:12:28 PM »
I paid for my daughter's wedding shower and will pay for her baby shower.  However her maid of honor hosted and did the leg work (find venue, send invites etc)  for both.

 My feeling was that it was tacky if as the mother I threw the party but the maid of honor wanted a potluck for the wedding shower. It was what she could afford.

 I felt that was tacky and vetoed the idea.  I then worked with the MOH and we had a lovely catered shower in a bar that was closed that afternoon for us.  I also bought and brought in dessert.  The shower was held in the town where my daughter was living at the time. 

I had an open bar (who drinks a lot on a Sunday afternoon)  I also had the husbands and significant others due to distance invited, they played pool on the other side of the venue and they planned to buy burgers etc.  however there was so much food I told them to go through the buffet line. The entire thing cost me about $1500.

I am paying for the baby shower.  Once again the MOH is doing all the legwork and I'm writing a check.

The MOH couldn't have afforded this but my daughter had an elegant shower for about 60 plus people.

Flexibility and what works for everyone is key.

Re: the bolded, you'd be surprised. Ever heard of "Sunday Sessions"?  :D

katycoo

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  • Posts: 4187
Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #37 on: January 14, 2017, 07:54:09 PM »

I think what's bothering me here is that (in my experience, anyway) "engagement parties" aren't given by the couple themselves, they are given by others for them.  So if the invitation comes from the HC themselves, there is a real risk that it will be seen as, if not a gift grab, then sort of wanting to have your cake and eat it, too.

That may depend on where (general) you live. Here in Australia it's the norm for the couple and/or their guardians to pay for/host the party. I certainly couldn't imagine expecting a friend or more distant relative to pay for it. That seems extremely entitled.

I guess it really does -- here in the U.S., I've never heard of a couple giving their own engagement party.  It's usually something like a party given by the parents of the groom where the wedding will be in the bride's parents' city too far away for the groom's family friends to travel to conveniently, or where the wedding will be very small, and most often when the parents' friends haven't had a chance to meet their child's fiance(s) - like if they live in a different city.  Often it is given by close friends of the parents or by aunts and uncles, as one might give a shower. 

Actually, the invitations don't usually call it an "engagement party"; more likely something like "cocktail party in honor of Thusnelda and Cuthbert" or "Brunch for Thusnelda and Cuthbert" -- but we end up referring to it as an "engagement party" anyway just for want of a better term for a pre-wedding party that isn't a shower.  (Just like, come to think of it, in our community, we call the casual party for all the out of town guests the night before the wedding a "rehearsal dinner" even though it usually has nothing to do with a rehearsal, which probably wasn't even on the same day. But we don't know what else to call it, so there we are.)

That is very much a USA custom.  In Australia throwing your own party (be it birthday, engagement, or sometimes even bridal/baby showers) is not unusual or considered gauche.

Rehearsal dinners are also not really a thing.  Any additional dinners etc with out of town guests are usually private and unrelated to the wedding itself, and not expected.

I have on a couple of occasions been invited to an engagement (including hens etc) and not the wedding.  I find it odd, and sometimes awkward - especially during that period of not knowing if you're not invited or if your invitation is just late.  I would definitely go for a later reception/celebration party than a larger engagement.  And I would never not take a gift to an engagement party - regardless of the invitation instructions.  I might take a smaller gift though.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #38 on: January 15, 2017, 08:54:50 PM »


Re: the bolded, you'd be surprised. Ever heard of "Sunday Sessions"?  :D

Nope

cross_patch

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Re: Large engagement party and intimate wedding?
« Reply #39 on: January 15, 2017, 09:03:28 PM »


Re: the bolded, you'd be surprised. Ever heard of "Sunday Sessions"?  :D

Nope

It's an Australian thing, you go to the pub on a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes starting earlier if you've had a big Saturday.