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  • November 21, 2017, 11:52:37 PM

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Author Topic: Dear Abby: Do you send a thank-you note to a guest who ruined the reception?  (Read 6852 times)

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Maria16

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Re: Dear Abby: Do you send a thank-you note to a guest who ruined the reception?
« Reply #30 on: September 20, 2016, 05:58:30 PM »
This is a good one.  The guest committed a crime.  Drunken disorderlly behavior, vandalism, menacing the DJ and assault in most states.  The guest is lucky the DJ or an event manager didn't have him arrested. The DJ's equipment is his livelihood. It would not even occur to me to send a thank you note. The guest owes the bride a lot of money. While I doubt I would want to bother seeking compensation, as I would want to focus on my new marriage, I would treat the gift (if money or whatever) as a minuscule partial  payment for the much larger amount owed.
Maybe I would insist on the music costs, actually. 8! The very least. However, I would also expect the DJ to have a workaround so it sounds like a very casual situation. 

Peppergirl

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Re: Dear Abby: Do you send a thank-you note to a guest who ruined the reception?
« Reply #31 on: September 21, 2016, 06:06:38 PM »
I know it's not the point of the story, but I find myself wondering how his wife reacted when her *expletive* of a so-called husband did this. 

Did she defend him? Try to stop him? 

And yes, before anyone comes along and says it: I do know it's beside the point but I'm actually trying to visualize myself in the wife's shoes in this scenario.

Not that I would ever choose someone who would behave like this, but still.  Intriguing. 

Maria16

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Re: Dear Abby: Do you send a thank-you note to a guest who ruined the reception?
« Reply #32 on: September 21, 2016, 08:33:28 PM »
I know it's not the point of the story, but I find myself wondering how his wife reacted when her *expletive* of a so-called husband did this. 

Did she defend him? Try to stop him? 

And yes, before anyone comes along and says it: I do know it's beside the point but I'm actually trying to visualize myself in the wife's shoes in this scenario.

Not that I would ever choose someone who would behave like this, but still.  Intriguing.

I wonder as well. Unfortunately, she must be used to his drunken rages.  I hope that there is a silver lining and this man will get the help he needs. The story was so bare bones so I'm just creatively filling it in. Do you guys think it would be rude for a guest to ask the DJ/band to turn down the music, in a normal civilized way?

Peppergirl

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Re: Dear Abby: Do you send a thank-you note to a guest who ruined the reception?
« Reply #33 on: September 22, 2016, 07:27:50 AM »
I don't know about rude, per se .  I'll leave that to the posters who are better versed in etiquette than I am. 

I know I personally wouldn't.  If I had a headache or the music was loud enough to bother me that badly, I'd simply make my apologies and depart as unobtrusively as possible.

YMMV (general you), of course.

Maria16

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Re: Dear Abby: Do you send a thank-you note to a guest who ruined the reception?
« Reply #34 on: September 22, 2016, 09:24:44 AM »
I don't know about rude, per se .  I'll leave that to the posters who are better versed in etiquette than I am. 

I know I personally wouldn't.  If I had a headache or the music was loud enough to bother me that badly, I'd simply make my apologies and depart as unobtrusively as possible.

YMMV (general you), of course.

I agree. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking either.

gellchom

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Re: Dear Abby: Do you send a thank-you note to a guest who ruined the reception?
« Reply #35 on: September 22, 2016, 12:13:15 PM »
The only time I would ask the band/DJ to turn it down a bit would be if both of these applied:

1) I could tell it was really bothering a large proportion of the guests, to the point where it was spoiling the party

2) I was very close to the hosts -- their sibling/best friend/daughter -- such that I was probably helping anyway and felt that they would like me to take care of this for them without bothering them.

But in general I'd ignore it and at most, if I thought it was making a problem and I were  close to the hosts, maybe talk to the hosts and ask what they thought.

cicero

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Re: Dear Abby: Do you send a thank-you note to a guest who ruined the reception?
« Reply #36 on: September 23, 2016, 12:28:13 PM »

I wonder as well. Unfortunately, she must be used to his drunken rages.  I hope that there is a silver lining and this man will get the help he needs. The story was so bare bones so I'm just creatively filling it in. Do you guys think it would be rude for a guest to ask the DJ/band to turn down the music, in a normal civilized way?
funny story: about 10 or so years ago we were at a relative's son's wedding. the music was beyond "too loud". coupled with annoying dim lighting it was very dificult to function, eat, see, talk...

as i was related to the father of the groom, i went to look for him - he was outside with the other <ahem> older relatives. *He* (father of groom, person paying for much of the wedding) asked the band to lower the music and they refused. apparently they are famous and known for this brand of music and that is specifically why the B&G chose them. band leader claimed that B&G had heard them at this venue at another wedding and that's what they wanted.

So, we (myself ad some of my cousins/aunts/uncles) grabbed some coffee and found some chairs, and hung out in the lobby and had a really nice time

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