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  • November 24, 2017, 01:01:08 PM

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Author Topic: I'm paying for my wedding; my parents want to invite their own people  (Read 12053 times)

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VorFemme

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  • It's too darned hot! (song from Kiss Me, Kate)
Re: I'm paying for my wedding; my parents want to invite their own people
« Reply #60 on: October 17, 2016, 07:47:47 PM »
The people who are paying for the event get first choice on who is invited to come to the event.  Sometimes, they may end up having people show up who are married to their friends or relatives who would not have been on the list of people coming if they weren't married to a close friend or relative...

If the parents are throwing a wedding for their child(ren), then they can expect a lot more control over the guest list.  If the Happy Couple is paying for their own wedding - well, they are probably going to be asking their parents for addresses of various people - but the parents may find that their favorite sister that their child hasn't seen since they left home for college (or military service, or whatever) isn't invited because Aunt WhoIsIt hasn't been in touch with the young adult since that time...  And their college, summer camp, or military room mate is invited because they've been in touch on a regular basis "ever since".
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

bopper

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Re: I'm paying for my wedding; my parents want to invite their own people
« Reply #61 on: November 16, 2016, 02:58:15 PM »
"We are hosting the wedding and will decide the size.  Please give us a prioritized list of people and we will see who we can accomodate. As of now we are planning to invite all the Grandparents, Aunties and Uncles (and Cousins or whatever) and your good friends, the Smiths whohave been involved throughout my life.  I am not sure who else we will inviting but will let you know."

SianMcClay

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Re: I'm paying for my wedding; my parents want to invite their own people
« Reply #62 on: November 16, 2016, 03:59:35 PM »
Money and family and control, are a few things that have been mentioned. 

Is the wedding about family, is it about leaving one family and creating another? Maybe it's about merging two families and creating a third, or maybe it's about merging three into one?  Or, maybe it's not about the family at all and just about the Happy Couple.  If the wedding itself is just about the couple, than who cares who pays for what and what any mother, father or sibling thinks?
If it's about family, than why wouldn't the happy couple be considering the ideas of the family?

Or maybe the wedding is about money.  Who pays for what means that the person signing the cheques make have the last say.  Maybe it's about envelopes left in a box.  Maybe every guest has a price tag, and every guest who makes a good toast gets a raise.

Or is it really control?  The bride gets chose the theme, the food, the guests, the games, the height, weight and social security number of the wedding party.  Or all of that is down to the MIL to be, or the groom or his mate. 

These are the reasons why weddings drive me mad.  There is so much drama and so much pressure.  But I was never one for NYE and I've learned that to "travel hopefully is better than to arrive" (Stephen Fry).  Anyway, OP, my post is not about your original post but more about all the opinions that have surfaced in the discussion.

Maybe this is not about you paying or your parents wanting someone you can barely remember to be sitting with them on a day that is important to them and to you.  Maybe you just tell them, the guest list is done and we've agreed not to re-assess.  Hey, do you want to stay in and watch movies, just you and I on Saturday?  You can make that awesome bean dip and I'll bring the corn chips and we won't talk about weddings at all!

Mustard

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Re: I'm paying for my wedding; my parents want to invite their own people
« Reply #63 on: November 16, 2016, 04:24:17 PM »
FYI SianMcClay, 'to travel hopefully is better than to arrive' is more usually attributed to Robert Louis Stevenson, who pre-dates Stephen Fry by a few years ;)

SianMcClay

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Re: I'm paying for my wedding; my parents want to invite their own people
« Reply #64 on: November 17, 2016, 11:15:34 AM »
Thanks!   ::)  That will save me some embarrassment in the future!  I had cut off the part about how Fry says Christmas is a child's first lesson that "to travel hopefully....yada yada!
But yes, good to know where that originated since I use it often! 

QueenfaninCA

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Re: I'm paying for my wedding; my parents want to invite their own people
« Reply #65 on: November 17, 2016, 12:46:52 PM »
"Sure Mom and Dad, give me their addresses so I can send them a wedding announcement."
"No, I'm not going to be sending them an invitation - after all, they haven't seen me in five/ten/twenty years.  It would just seem like I was trying to get more gifts, and I'd hate for people to think I was greedy."

This is perfect!