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Author Topic: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks  (Read 2632 times)

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Esther_bunny

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Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« on: November 22, 2016, 07:57:48 AM »
Have you ever said or heard a funny witty rejoinder? Please share!

My first one that stand out was about 15-20 years ago and I was out at a club watching a band play. After the band finished I waited until they were at the merch booth so I could get a shirt because I really liked them.

I picked out a shirt and gave band member 1 my money while band member 2 and I talked.

BM1- (looking around for change for my money)
BM2: ( to BM1) Hey, are you a little short?
Me: Yeah, but he makes up for it in personality!

We all laughed. I thought it was a pretty good witty comeback.

Second one, I was cutting a child's hair while his mom sat and watched. The child and I were talking and she was listening, she had a very good sense of humor...

Me: So how do  you like first grade?
Child: It's pretty easy.
Me: Yeah, it is pretty easy isn't it?
Mom: Oh, do you have children?
Me: (smiling) No, but I was in first grade once.
She and I laughed (and she gave me a great tip, too!)

So has anyone else ever done this?

o_gal

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2016, 09:11:22 AM »
When the musical Cats first opened on Broadway (fall 1982) I was watching the Today show on the dorm common room TV with a friend, before we had to head out for class. They were interviewing Betty Buckley, the original Grizzabella on Broadway.

Bryant Gumbel asks her how she prepared for her role as a cat. Before Betty Buckley replies, I instantly say "She was fixed*" to my friend, who howls in laughter.

* "fixed" in US slang is neutered (i.e. spayed or castrated)

Ser Lucien Liliane

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #2 on: November 23, 2016, 12:08:21 PM »
I've been told I came out with a really good one when I was wee...

As kids do I was in and out of the house, never shutting the door behind me. Parents got fed up, of course, and told me to shut the door - "Were you born in a barn?!"

Apparently I put my hand on my hip and sassed back "No, but Jesus was!"
"The wild roses have died, Father, and I know not what to do."


pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2016, 12:12:40 PM »
Years ago, one of my coworkers was having a very hard day.  She groaned, "I can't wait to go home and have a good stiff one!"

I turned around.  "Please tell me you are talking about a drink."

There was a moment of dead silence, and then everybody exploded in laughter.
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CrochetFanatic

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2016, 12:52:31 PM »
This one isn't mine, but my dad's.  When he was a teenager, he and a group of friends were hanging out in one of their basements.  They were listening to music (not sure if it was the radio or a record player), and a few of them were dancing.  My dad and the girl he was dating at the time were sitting off to the side, talking.  The father of the friend whose house they were at came down to check on things, and the following exchange took place.

Friend's Father: *to my dad* You dancin'?
My Dad: *raises an eyebrow* You askin'?

Friend's dad just turned around and went back upstairs.

Cutenoob

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2016, 05:20:22 AM »
Few years ago my roommate/neighbor-ish person was yelling at me because the ice cubes fell out of the freezer and broke. I asked her "Were they hurt enough to go to the ER?" and walked off.


White Dragon

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2017, 05:00:04 PM »
A few months ago,  our family discovered the Jackbox series off online games.

You do need a computer and WiFi capable devices, but we just divide up the tablets, phones, laptops etc.
There are several games in the series: quizzes, trivia games, drawing games etc.

One of our favorite games is "Quiplash" Where you get a prompt and have to fill in the blanks.
Your quip is then put up against someone else's. You get points for how many others like your quip.

Well, the prompt was "Something you should just never take through TSA security."

My response was "[Dragon son Name"]

Maybe you had to be there and know my smart, funny, sarcastic child, but the whole family howled!!!!

But if you want to brush up on your witty comebacks,  that is definitely the place!
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Gyburc

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2017, 05:59:28 AM »
When The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers came out at the cinema (too many years ago!) I went with my DH and some of his family.

We were sitting there when the trailer for the film The Day After Tomorrow came on. Apocalyptic scenes - earthquakes, floods, blizzards, panic and chaos, and it all seemed to be happening in Manhattan. At the end of the trailer, the gravelly voice-over said: 'The Day After Tomorrow... where will you be?'

In perfect unison, my SIL and I, and a random man sitting in the row behind us all said very loudly 'Not in New York.'

I think our two rows had stopped laughing by the time the feature started.  ;D
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iridaceae

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2017, 06:29:02 AM »
When The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers came out at the cinema (too many years ago!) I went with my DH and some of his family.

We were sitting there when the trailer for the film The Day After Tomorrow came on. Apocalyptic scenes - earthquakes, floods, blizzards, panic and chaos, and it all seemed to be happening in Manhattan. At the end of the trailer, the gravelly voice-over said: 'The Day After Tomorrow... where will you be?'

In perfect unison, my SIL and I, and a random man sitting in the row behind us all said very loudly 'Not in New York.'

I think our two rows had stopped laughing by the time the feature started.  ;D

Years ago my friend and I went to go see the movie Dave. We ended up in earshot of just the most hysterical old man. We watched the trailer for Dennis the Menace, starring Walter Matthau. After it had ended he said, very thoughtfully, "well, he's been in worse". A thriller with Don Johnson as the baddie had him remarking " well, how about that". I forget his other comments but we were thisclose to inviting him to join us at further movie outings.
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SamiHami

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2017, 08:57:53 AM »
My neighbor is very fussy about his yard. I think working out there is his zen, so he is often seen mowing, raking, trimming hedges, etc. At this time we had three huge evil sweetgum trees in our front yard. On one particularly windy day, apparently some of he gumballs blew into his yard and driveway. Sorry, but I'm not responsible for that. Not my fault if it's windy.

I pull into the driveway and get out of the car. As I'm walking to my front door neighbor calls out to me; "Hey! The wind blew a bunch of your gumballs into my yard!"

I replied, "Oh, that's okay. You can keep them. We have plenty!" and continued into my house.

I thought it was pretty funny! And I'm glad to say the evil trees were cut down last year.

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Thipu1

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2017, 04:44:33 PM »
This may be considered political but I think it's fairly innocent.

On January 19th we boarded a plane and were waiting for permission to take off.  Because the President-Elect was flying to Washington for his inauguration, we were held on the tarmac for four hours before we were allowed to take off.

It was an annoying delay but we understood the security issues involved. 

When we finally got to the house for the family gathering we were asked why we were so late.

Mr. Thipu simply said, 'We were Trumped.'

violinp

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #11 on: April 21, 2017, 04:58:17 PM »
Unfortunately, my latest best one would probably upset people on this forum, so I'll give you all one from the nurses earlier in the week.

We had what we thought was a real Code Red (fire), so we had to stand around with nothing to do after shutting the doors per protocol. When the nurse supervisor came in, she said, "What are you all doing down here?" Rachel*, one of the head nurses, turned to the other head nurse said, "Carol*, I told you, put away the weed! This is all your fault!"

I almost thought I was going to hyperventilate laughing.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


TabathasGran

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2017, 05:31:19 PM »
Last two people left at a party. Straight guy had hit on all the women there.

Straight guy: I think you've run off all the straight women.
gay guy: I don't think that was me.

Luci

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #13 on: April 30, 2017, 06:35:22 PM »
1. We were having drinks sitting under a wobbly ceiling fan. DH placed his drink on the table and a bulb fell out of the fan and landed perfectly in the glass. Hostess says, " Oh! I didn't know you wanted a light drink."

2. I was a school librarian, covering books in a quiet time. I would get everything lined up and put a 2" piece of tape on each finger of the left hand for use on the book. A very precocious kindergartner came in and I wiggled my fingers at him and assured I would be right with him but had a slight problem right then. He said that was fine, and "Hmmmm. Looks like a sticky situation to me!"


nutraxfornerves

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Re: Witty rejoinders and clever comebacks
« Reply #14 on: April 30, 2017, 06:43:22 PM »
Ditzy staffer, prone to malapropisms, complaining about the smokers who take breaks near the office entrance: "...and they all conjugate around the front door."
My colleague, deadpan: "And afterwards, they have a cigarette."

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data