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  • November 21, 2017, 02:36:58 AM

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Author Topic: Save the Date notice sent, now guests not speaking to bride. Send invite or not  (Read 3087 times)

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hopeful4

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http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2016/12/22/2/recent-falling-out-puts-wedding-invitation-in

The basic story is, the bride to be sent out Save the Date notices.  Now one couple she sent the notice to is no longer talking to her.  She says she has no idea why and they refuse to tell her.  She asks if she is still obliged to invite them to the wedding. 

wolfie

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http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2016/12/22/2/recent-falling-out-puts-wedding-invitation-in

The basic story is, the bride to be sent out Save the Date notices.  Now one couple she sent the notice to is no longer talking to her.  She says she has no idea why and they refuse to tell her.  She asks if she is still obliged to invite them to the wedding.

She shouldn't invite them. The Dear Abby advise implies there is nothing the other person could do between the save the date and the wedding to get them disinvited. I disagree. Not talking to you is the least issue that means they are off the list.

catwhiskers

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I agree. There is no way I would invite someone who had ceased talking to me and didn't even have the decency to tell me why, if I didn't know.

mime

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*If* this is someone very close who goes through phases where they don't speak to you, and then they get over it and everything is fine again, *and* it is someone you still want to keep in your life despite that, then sure, send them an invite. Not a decision to take lightly! And don't be surprised if drama-loving people cause drama at your wedding.

In general, though, why would you invite these people to your wedding now? They aren't likely to be wishing you well or feeling happy for you on your big day. Sending a Save the Date does obligate you to send an invitation in normal circumstances, but this isn't a normal circumstance.



Redneck Gravy

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I agree. There is no way I would invite someone who had ceased talking to me and didn't even have the decency to tell me why, if I didn't know.

POD

gellchom

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The LW says the save the date cards went out in November, which is just last month.  That suggests that the wedding is not anytime soon, nor will the invitations be going out soon. 

So there's no necessity to decide this now.  Like most things, it will probably look different later. 

I'd wait to make a decision until it's time to send out the invitations.  Maybe they will find out what's bothering these people before then.  If they have no idea, then it is most likely a misunderstanding that I am sure everyone would prefer to clear up than to turn into a feud. 

pattycake

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I do not think that she is obliged to invite them but as others have said, I would wait until just before the invites had to be sent to make that call. If there's no change in the potential guests' behaviour, then no, I would not invite them.

GreenBird

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I think it's a reasonable assumption that if someone is refusing to speak to me, they would not want to come to my wedding.  I would oblige them by not inviting them.   

Runningstar

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I think it's a reasonable assumption that if someone is refusing to speak to me, they would not want to come to my wedding.  I would oblige them by not inviting them.   

Pod, and since they refuse to communicate, how would they rsvp?;).  She is better off maybe making an etiquette error than letting them play any games or just the waste of the invite imo.

Winterlight

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I think there's no point in sending a wedding invitation to people who aren't speaking to you.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Sharnita

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In my opinion, they have already pre-declined. Sending them an invite after that is pointless.