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Author Topic: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket? UD #46  (Read 15441 times)

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guihong

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Hi, all:

The other thread was getting to ten pages, so I thought I'd ask a new question in a new thread to keep things from getting too large.

First, as far as Cammie's stuff went, DD and I spent a few hours in her room and car bagging everything up.  I (through DD) gave her a deadline of tomorrow night to come and get it.  Fortunately, she came over tonight and picked up all the bags.  We'd dragged them downstairs so there was little reason for her to linger.  The bad news: DD and I began an all-out cleanup of her room, and have found a few items of Cammie's still around.  We bagged that up (one bag), and DD let Cammie know we had it.  At this point, I'm not opposed to taking one bag to wherever she's staying and calling it done.

The question:  As I said in the other thread, DH had told Cammie we would buy her a ticket to North Carolina if she was leaving our house to go directly there.  He said that to give her an incentive to leave and to save her some money.  So, when I kicked her out, her first question was "What about the ticket"?  When DD told her about the bag of stuff, she said "I'll meet with your dad to get the ticket, and pick it up then"  >:(.  She's claiming we promised her the ticket.  She's also not going directly to NC but is instead staying somewhere in my city with a friend (again).  I have my doubts she'll ever go.

ETA: We found out Cammie got her job back, thanks to a manager who is a personal friend arguing for her. 

We were the ones who spent time picking up all that stuff (without thanks, btw), while we found out she was having fun with friends at Waffle House.

We have DD's trip to Japan, DS's trip to the East Coast with his history class, my trip to see DD in Japan (I hope), and DH has to go to Ohio to see his mother, who is in failing health.  That's all in the first six months of 2017.  That's a lot of money, but Cammie is so centered on Cammie, she can't see we're strapped. 

Finally, the question  ::):   If Cammie and her stuff are out of the house, are we obligated to buy the ticket?  I want to say "no way", but my anger and resentment might be speaking.  DD logically pointed out our own commitments listed above, and Cammie's ticket is $200ish we could use  towards ourselves.  Is it OK to "break our word" in this case, after the aggravation she put us through?  DH himself has mixed feelings, and told her that we would buy the ticket if she left for NC in the month of January.  That in itself might be an out, but I don't want to have to count days until we're off the hook.  Would we be in the right if we proactively told her that we have too many obligations already and cannot buy the ticket?  She'll be furious and probably blow up DD's phone, but legally I don't think she can do anything (this isn't meant to go into legalities). 

Are we on the hook?  And thanks for listening :)
« Last Edit: December 31, 2016, 01:01:47 PM by guihong »



Mustard

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2016, 04:38:31 AM »
So she's not going directly to North Carolina?  Is it likely she will leave in January?  I wouldn't want to buy her a ticket either, but maybe it would be the best $200 you'll ever spend, especially if you buy one with a specific date on it.

Runningstar

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2016, 05:00:31 AM »
Do you have one of those "mega busses" in your area?  They are often less expensive, and you can get a deal.  Fares start at less than a dollar and go up.  Give her the average cost of taking the mega bus, if she gets a higher or different fare then it is on her






MariaE

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2016, 05:35:38 AM »
I'd say you are absolutely off the hook, but I also agree with Mustard that it might be the best $200 ever used to get her out of your hair.

However, if you do decide to buy her the ticket, make sure that you a) buy her the ticket, don't just give her money towards one. b) get one that's non-transferable and non-refundable (if such a thing is possible), so she doesn't continue to linger around.

... but personally I think you're absolutely entitled to go the "no way" route.
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice

Lindee

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2016, 05:40:02 AM »
"I'm afraid that won't be possible"
This is not someone you are obligated to support and you don't even like her. She has already abused your hospitality and good nature quite enough anf there is no way I'd be giving her $200+ .  She is not your child, a relative, long term friend or someone you are close enough to that you have to hand over a considerable sum that will leave you short of money yourself, You do not owe her anything.

Reika

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2016, 06:45:54 AM »
I also vote for 'not obligated'.   She used your home as a Free Hotel for months.  She's spent those $200 already.

Having read the other thread, this is my take on it as well.

Also your DD might want to block Cammie on her phone for the future.

TurtleDove

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2016, 07:44:02 AM »
Do not buy Cammie a ticket. Do not have any further contact with her. She cannot be trusted and she is not your problem to solve. Block her calls, don't let her on your property. Let her mooch off someone else.

Winterlight

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #7 on: December 28, 2016, 08:04:02 AM »
You've let her live rent-free for several months. She could have saved her own money for the ticket.

Tell her no.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

z_squared82

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #8 on: December 28, 2016, 08:25:13 AM »
I vote you don't have to buy her the ticket.

"Sorry, that offer expired. Good luck."

Luci

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2016, 08:35:18 AM »
Your budget has nothing to do with buying the ticket or not. If DH said "leaving our house to go directly there," then she missed that window by staying somewhere else in town and is out of luck.

BeagleMommy

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #10 on: December 28, 2016, 08:44:58 AM »
You are under no obligation to buy this freeloader a ticket.  She abused your hospitality and deserves nothing else from you.

Since you know she got her job back why not drop off the bag of stuff at her job so you don't have to contact her any more.  DD should block her number.  If she shows up at your house after that tell her to leave or you'll call the police.

FoxPaws

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #11 on: December 28, 2016, 08:56:52 AM »
Curious about the $200 - that seems like a lot for a one way ticket.

I'd check the bus website, find the cheapest exchangeable (but not refundable) ticket going to NC within the next month and buy her that.

If you can, visit or call the bus station and explain the whole story to them - you're buying a ticket for an irresponsible teen and you want to make sure she can't just cash it in - and see if they have any suggestions. I expect they've seen this before.

I like the idea of dropping off the bag (and the ticket if you decide to buy it) at her job. Also, you need to get the locks changed. And DD needs to be slow to respond to her calls/texts. 

I understand the reasoning behind cutting her off, but knowing how manipulative she is and how much you and yours hate confrontation,  it might be better to go with whatever causes the least amount of drama. So, buy the ticket, but on your terms, and distance rather than block.

Good luck. You're doing great so far - we're going to need shades to look at your shiny spine.  8)
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

Reika

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #12 on: December 28, 2016, 09:03:44 AM »
Having dealt with people like Cammie in the past, I think buying the ticket is a terrible idea, it'll encourage her to keep coming back.

pattycake

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #13 on: December 28, 2016, 09:28:26 AM »
I do not think you are in any way obligated and I do not think that you should buy the ticket. But if you do decide to do that, meet her at the bus station before departure and pay for it then so that you can be sure she gets on the bus and goes. I think she's trying to hold you to it so she can cash it in, after all if she got her job back.

miranova

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #14 on: December 28, 2016, 09:29:10 AM »
"I'm afraid that won't be possible"
This is not someone you are obligated to support

I agree.  I would not even respond to the bus ticket comment.  She either wants her last bag of stuff or she doesn't; but she has no leverage here.  She's acting like she does, but she doesn't.  The bus ticket and the bag of stuff are not related.  I'd keep that around (assuming it's small) for a month or so then toss it if she never comes for it or asks for it.