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• November 21, 2017, 08:13:12 PM

### Author Topic: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket? UD #46  (Read 15411 times)

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#### SamiHami

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #15 on: December 28, 2016, 09:31:24 AM »
She wants to believe she is an adult; she needs to act like one. Adults pay their own way. I would advise you have your daughter block her number (at least for a few days) so that she can't blow up her phone. Drop off her bag of stuff at her job, tell her it's not happening. If she (ha ha! I mean when she) has a tantrum just remind her that you supported her for months without any payment and that the gravy train has ended. You are not obligated to buy her a ticket.

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#### Outdoor Girl

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #16 on: December 28, 2016, 09:35:14 AM »
DH had told Cammie we would buy her a ticket to North Carolina if she was leaving our house to go directly there.

She's not going directly there so you are off the hook, IMO.  Even if this hadn't been said, though, I don't think you are obligated to pay for her ticket.  She has treated all of you, especially DD, horribly.  And has used much more than the cost of the ticket in room and board since living with you.

If you do end up deciding to buy her the ticket, I agree with the others that you buy her the ticket, not give her cash, and really like pattycake's idea of meeting her at the bus station to buy her ticket for that very day and wave as she leaves.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
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#### nutraxfornerves

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #17 on: December 28, 2016, 10:12:18 AM »
Assuming that the bus is the Hound. I looked up ticket policies. The least expensive tickets arethose bought online in advance. They are non refundable. It costs $20 to change the date of travel. The cheapest tickets are those bought online. You can print them out at home. You can also arrange for someone else to pick up the ticket at the station, but there is a no refundable fee for that. Having looked at the policies, I would guess that Cammie would either balk at the fixed travel time and demand that you give her the$20 to change the ticket, or would refuse the ticket altogether, demanding a flexible one and leaving you stuck with a ticket you don't want.

Buying the ticket at the station on the day of travel is the most expensive option, even if you buy a non refundable one. I would expect Cammie to be a no show, and then try later for a new ticket.

I forgot something. There are discounts for travel on a Tuesday or Wednesday. If you choose to buy the ticket (and I would not do that myself) I suggest you tell her that she will pick. Tues. or Wed. in January , and you will buy a ticket, nonrefundable and good for travel only on that day, and only to NC. That's the only option. Take it or leave it.
« Last Edit: December 28, 2016, 10:21:13 AM by nutraxfornerves »

Nutrax
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#### rain

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #18 on: December 28, 2016, 10:42:58 AM »
no - she's not your responsibility

if you buy her a ticket it just feeds her sense of entitlement

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#### lmyrs

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #19 on: December 28, 2016, 11:56:16 AM »
Do you even realize that a full 50% of your OP was a bunch of explanations as to why you shouldn't have to do it? That indicates to me that you really think you should. If you truly believed that you weren't in the hook, why would you require paragraphs of justification?

Now, I don't actually think you're in the hook. It's just clear that you do. So, the real question is, "What will it take for you to get this monkey off your back?" You've let this child run roughshod over you, your daughter, your family for months and when you finally pulled on your big girl pants to deal with it, you're right back here with more manipulation.

If paying for the ticket is going to make you feel like you can finally shed this nightmare, it maybe worth it. If you can honestly walk away from her and not let her infiltrate your entire life, then walk away. it's entirely  up to you to handle this like an adult. Figure out how you can do that.

#### doodlemor

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #20 on: December 28, 2016, 12:16:24 PM »
I vote you don't have to buy her the ticket.

"Sorry, that offer expired. Good luck."

This.  Tell her that this was not open ended, that she didn't take you up on it when it was offered.

I'd bet the farm that if you buy her a ticket, she will turn it back in for cash or sell it.  Don't let her take anything else from your family.

#### jedikaiti

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #21 on: December 28, 2016, 12:20:06 PM »
Your budget has nothing to do with buying the ticket or not. If DH said "leaving our house to go directly there," then she missed that window by staying somewhere else in town and is out of luck.

This is where I fall, too.
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#### kudeebee

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #22 on: December 28, 2016, 12:20:17 PM »
No, you do not have to buy her a ticket.  If the condition was that she go directly to NC, she did not do that.  Even without a condition, you do not owe her a ticket.  She lived with you for free for months without contributing anything; you have done more than enough for her.

She is not your responsibility.  She is out of your house and hopefully out of your lives!

I agree with the poster who said to take the last bag of her stuff to her work location.  I would have someone videotaping you as you hand the bag over to her manager or Cammie herself.

Block her on media, do not answer her calls or texts.

#### PastryGoddess

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #23 on: December 28, 2016, 01:36:00 PM »
Do you even realize that a full 50% of your OP was a bunch of explanations as to why you shouldn't have to do it? That indicates to me that you really think you should. If you truly believed that you weren't in the hook, why would you require paragraphs of justification?

Now, I don't actually think you're in the hook. It's just clear that you do. So, the real question is, "What will it take for you to get this monkey off your back?" You've let this child run roughshod over you, your daughter, your family for months and when you finally pulled on your big girl pants to deal with it, you're right back here with more manipulation.

If paying for the ticket is going to make you feel like you can finally shed this nightmare, it maybe worth it. If you can honestly walk away from her and not let her infiltrate your entire life, then walk away. it's entirely  up to you to handle this like an adult. Figure out how you can do that.

I agree...It seems like you are trying to keep this person in your life for no reason.  Cammie has shown you exactly who she is...please believe her and allow her out of your life for good.

#### Tea Drinker

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #24 on: December 28, 2016, 01:37:02 PM »
I agree that you don't have to buy her a ticket, either in terms of moral obligations--as others have said, that ship has sailed, and she wasn't on board--or practically.

Yes, you can get her a one-way nonrefundable ticket good only for that bus, but that doesn't mean she'll use it and be out of your hair: she might "oversleep" or get sick (or claim to) or have some other reason why she couldn't go down there. At that point you're out however much money, with no guarantee that she won't try to wheedle or bully you into giving her money for something else. (Greyhound policy is to check ID when you board, so she probably couldn't resell the ticket even if she knew someone else who wanted to go to North Carolina in the next few weeks.)
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#### JeanFromBNA

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #25 on: December 28, 2016, 02:34:13 PM »
I would drop the rest of her stuff off at her job, and give Cammie the cut direct.  She's earned that.  She hasn't earned a bus ticket.

#### wonderfullyanonymous

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #26 on: December 28, 2016, 02:44:02 PM »
The deal for the ticket was if she went right to NC, which did not happen. I'm on the no ticket train as well.

#### NFPwife

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #27 on: December 28, 2016, 02:47:28 PM »
I would drop the rest of her stuff off at her job, and give Cammie the cut direct.  She's earned that.  She hasn't earned a bus ticket.

Agree! Cammie is forgetting the "leave immediately and go straight to NC," she violated the agreement first. I'd explain it that way to your daughter, "Honey, we're not getting Cammie the ticket because she broke her word. The agreement was she would leave our house and go straight to NC. She didn't do that. We'll will not honor an agreement Cammie broke."

Block Cammie on all your devices and all social platforms then drop off her things to her place of employment and be done with her.

#### GardenGal

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #28 on: December 28, 2016, 02:52:35 PM »
Quote
Your budget has nothing to do with buying the ticket or not. If DH said "leaving our house to go directly there," then she missed that window by staying somewhere else in town and is out of luck.

Add me to the list of those agreeing with this and saying not to buy this moocher a ticket. I also agree that you should drop off her stuff and block her from all your phones, emails, social media, etc.  You owe her nothing and you're well rid of her.  Resist any urge to interact with her in any way at all, totally remove her from your life. Full on Cut Direct.
"No matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Banzai

#### sammycat

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##### Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #29 on: December 28, 2016, 03:52:21 PM »
Absolutely do not buy this leech the bus ticket, for all the reasons cited by previous posters.

Take her bag of stuff to her workplace - being videoed doing so - and then give her the cut direct.  She'll find someone else to mooch off soon enough (probably already has).  Maybe they'll buy her bus ticket. Or, here's an amazing idea - she could use the money from her job to buy it herself (equally, pigs might fly too).  Regardless, she's not your problem, so just drop her stuff off and put her out of your lives for good.