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Author Topic: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket? UD #46  (Read 15462 times)

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rose red

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #30 on: December 28, 2016, 04:50:15 PM »
Like a PP said, what guarantee do you have that she'll actually get on that bus? It's not her money that will be wasted for a no-show.

What's she going to do for your "broken" promise? Sue you? Unless she has it in writing, that means nothing.

Stop letting her run your life.
« Last Edit: December 28, 2016, 04:52:08 PM by rose red »

Bales

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #31 on: December 28, 2016, 04:57:43 PM »
I'd tell her that offer went out the window when she kicked your daughter out of her own room and stopped talking to you while she was using your gracious hospitality. You made that offer to give her incentive to leave and still had to end up kicking her out.  Sorry, but she doesn't know when to quit while she is ahead. 

Personally, when someone treats you like garbage, all bets are off.  You owe her nothing and her exploitation of your generosity has been appalling - please don't continue to allow it just because she knows you want to be a good person.  Be good to yourself and your family first and foremost - Cammie can find another mark.

Mary Lennox

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #32 on: December 28, 2016, 07:19:51 PM »
I'm clearly in the minority, but I think you should buy her the ticket. Surely Greyhound can issue some sort of gift voucher/travel credit for you to give her? Figure out what you would have paid for a ticket and then it's in her hands to make the booking or not. She knows she's not going to get any more money from you so I'd consider this money well spent to get rid of her.

It's clear that you don't like this girl and you don't want to pay for the ticket, but you're looking for loopholes to back up your decision. Yes, $200 is a lot of money, but the financial commitments you mentioned were already in play when you agreed to buy the ticket. You can't really turn around and claim financial hardship if you already knew all these things were coming up and still offered her the ticket.

You also mentioned the part about leaving from your house directly, which, honestly, you kicked her out 3 weeks early. I'm not saying you didn't have an extremely good reason for kicking her out, but you kind of made that part of the agreement null and void. The original agreement gave her until 11th January to leave, you can't suddenly change the date on her and still expect her to leave there and then. What about her job? She was meant to leave without notice? What if the place she was going to stay wasn't ready until then? Would you want her to blow her money on a hotel rather than staying with a friend and keep working?

This is harsh, but I think you need to stop trying to justify your decision with loopholes and excuses like "she was partying a Waffle House instead of coming back and cleaning up a house she had been kicked out of. You even said you dragged her bags downstairs because you didn't want her to be there longer than she had to. Would you have really welcomed her back to help clean up?

I'm not saying you're obligated to buy the ticket, just that you need to look long and hard at your reasons for not doing so and see if you're truly okay with them.

maksi

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #33 on: December 28, 2016, 08:32:33 PM »
I don't think you should buy her the ticket, but if you do, definitely go with the non-refundable way. No matter what you have promised: her behaviour has been so out of line that you definitely owe her nothing. ESPECIALLY when it was a favour to begin with, if I understand correctly? Not any kind of deal where she'd pay with work or something for the ticket?


(I do wonder what you told her your reason was when you promised to buy her the ticket, I'm sure you didn't just tell her then that you'd buy it to make sure she left? Did she just assume that she'd just get a 200 dollars worth of something because she somehow deserved it - and still does?)

shortstuff

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #34 on: December 28, 2016, 08:34:52 PM »
From the last update on the other thread:

Quote
I'll mention that back when we first let her stay, DH had offered to pay for her bus ticket to North Carolina if she was moving directly there.  The first question out of Cammie's mouth when I told her to leave was "What about the bus ticket?"  >:(.  She had not been mentioning NC for several weeks, and I did some snooping and am highly dubious that she was enrolled in any kind of college, let alone a full scholarship.  So my response was essentially "Oh Ehell, no!  Earn it yourself!" 

All budget-related questions aside, Cammie already asked for the ticket once and was turned down.  You already gave the answer, and if you basically change your mind on this, you're just training Cammie that she has to ask multiple times to get what she wants.  A reasonable person, after being turned down once, would not ask again without a change in circumstances. 

If I remember right, the whole reason behind the bus ticket to NC was because she had college and possibly a friend's apartment to crash at.  The main reason for her going to NC (college) probably fell through (and I'm being generous here...), so she doesn't get a ticket to NC to now do whatever she wants. 

guihong

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Re: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket?
« Reply #35 on: December 28, 2016, 09:14:28 PM »
OP here :)

The original deal, on day 1, was that we would buy Cammie a ticket to NC for her school, and we asked to see an acceptance letter, something to show us when she was supposed to start (DH, DD and I distinctly remember that conversation).  Since she was working and seemed appreciative, we were willing to do that-then.

DH and I "tussled" all day; me on the side of "Oh, Ehell No!", he was about keeping his word no matter what, especially if it got her out of our lives.  Tonight we compromised: we'd buy the ticket if she showed us the acceptance letter, as we had agreed before.  Cammie happened to call DD and asked to come over tomorrow to get the ticket.  DD announced the deal (with myself standing by).

Guess who blew a fit: "It's nice to know who trusts me!", "If you had asked for it, I would have printed it off earlier" "I was going to print it off closer to time", and things on the same vein before hanging up on DD. 

I don't think she had any such letter, and we were just a mark.

The bag will be taken to work, where the transfer is recorded.  If Cammie appears on our property, I have no qualms having her arrested.  Nor any hesitation about a restraining order, but I hope that's that.

Thanks all!



jedikaiti

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I don't know about you, but I am thinking she never even applied, much less received an acceptance letter.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

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FauxFoodist

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I don't know about you, but I am thinking she never even applied, much less received an acceptance letter.

Pod.

Cammie sounds like she's on her way to a stint as a con artist.  She certainly learned how to read the OP, her DH and her DD and use their sense of honor/keeping one's word and wanting to help others against them.  I understand wanting to keep your word, but all bets are off when someone repeatedly abuses you and your hospitality in such a fashion and for so long.  It doesn't mean you're not keeping your word by no longer wanting to buy a bus ticket for someone who has abused you and your family for several weeks.  It's fortunate that part of the agreement was proof of the college acceptance letter.  I'll admit I'm just shaking my head over here over the info pointing out Cammie being able to take advantage (and on her own terms and bad attitude) over and over and over again.

sammycat

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I don't know about you, but I am thinking she never even applied, much less received an acceptance letter.

Pod.

Cammie sounds like she's on her way to a stint as a con artist.  She certainly learned how to read the OP, her DH and her DD and use their sense of honor/keeping one's word and wanting to help others against them.  I understand wanting to keep your word, but all bets are off when someone repeatedly abuses you and your hospitality in such a fashion and for so long. It doesn't mean you're not keeping your word by no longer wanting to buy a bus ticket for someone who has abused you and your family for several weeks.  It's fortunate that part of the agreement was proof of the college acceptance letter.  I'll admit I'm just shaking my head over here over the info pointing out Cammie being able to take advantage (and on her own terms and bad attitude) over and over and over again.

Pod to both these posts.

Re the bolded - not buying the ticket shows a spine, and that you're not a doormat. Keeping your word in this instance would've meant being a sucker. So glad you've decided not to do that, OP!


miranova

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Cammie is a manipulator, and she's good at it, but you are giving her a run for her money.  Trust is earned.  You don't just trust every person you meet.  She's right, you don't trust her, but there is nothing wrong with that.  You aren't obligated to trust someone who hasn't proven that they are trustworthy.  Wanting to see some proof that she is enrolled in college is completely reasonable.  Anyone who would balk at that is the unreasonable one (and likely lying).

Winterlight

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Given the update, she could have printed the letter off and brought it with her. I'm with those who wonder if she actually was accepted.
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FoxPaws

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 >:D Evil FoxPaws wonders when it's going to occur to her to create a fake acceptance letter just to get the ticket. On second thought, that's probably too much planning and work for this girl.

Do one more thorough sweep of the house for her stuff and then get it to her so you can commence to blocking/being unavailable.

Hope y'all have a happy and peaceful New Year.
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artk2002

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Add me to Team NoTicket. She's abused your hospitality in dozens of different ways. She's forfeited any and all support by her behavior. Don't let your sense of obligation draw you back into the circus. Leave her alone with her own monkeys. She's a skilled manipulator, she'll find another victim somewhere.

Tell me, if you bought her the ticket, is there anything about her behavior that makes you think that she would actually use it?


Nothing?

I didn't either. Don't throw $200 away on someone who is as dishonest as Cammie is.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

oz diva

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I think I'd change the locks to the house. You never know what Cammie might do next, she's not used to not getting her own way and she might come back.

Victoria

iridaceae

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Even if you pay off Cammie, she's undoubtedly told all her little fellow grifter friends what easy marks you are. Tell your daughter now zero letting anyone else stay at the house.

Tell Cammie she blew it, she's not to contact you and get her out of your lives now.
Nothing to see here.