News: IT'S THE 2ND ANNUAL GUATEMALA LIBRARY PROJECT BOOK DRIVE!    LOOKING FOR DONATIONS OF SCIENCE BOOKS THIS YEAR.    Check it out in the "Extending the Hand of Kindness" folder or here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=139832.msg3372084#msg3372084   

  • June 25, 2017, 02:15:42 PM

Login with username, password and session length

Author Topic: S/O DD and "Cammie" thread-do we really have to buy her a bus ticket? UD #46  (Read 12484 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

iridaceae

  • Boring in real life as well
  • Member
  • Posts: 4601
Even if you pay off Cammie, she's undoubtedly told all her little fellow grifter friends what easy marks you are. Tell your daughter now zero letting anyone else stay at the house.

Tell Cammie she blew it, she's not to contact you and get her out of your lives now.
Nothing to see here.

guihong

  • Member
  • Posts: 7021
Oh, sorry I wasn't clear :).  The deal was "no college, no ticket".  Since Cammie probably didn't even apply, let alone get accepted or receive a scholarship, no ticket.  She blew a fit, hung up, and there's been no contact since.  DD will block her.

I too was nervous about what she could do, even though she never had a key.  Since we live in a complex with mostly older people (it used to be a retirement community) and teenagers look out of place except for DD and DS, I told the property manager the basic story and asked her to call the police should she see teenagers she doesn't know lingering around our house without DD and DS around.

Thanks in part to Cammie's influence, DD got into a fight a couple months ago with a mutual friend (who has since also ended her friendship with Cammie).  DD reached out to Mutual Friend and apologized with no excuses for what happened.  Friend accepted :).  They're going to meet up to discuss the incident and maybe patch up their friendship.  I thought that was very big on DD's part.

DD also learned she tends to be influenced or manipulated easily by stronger personalities, and she has a shaky sense of self-worth and of her own identity.  She now knows she needs to address that shortcoming to prevent anything like this happening again.

Thanks all :)



FauxFoodist

  • Member
  • Posts: 5013
Oh, sorry I wasn't clear :).  The deal was "no college, no ticket".  Since Cammie probably didn't even apply, let alone get accepted or receive a scholarship, no ticket.  She blew a fit, hung up, and there's been no contact since.  DD will block her.

I suspected she didn't even apply and was betting on just getting the ticket (then turning around and cashing it in).

I too was nervous about what she could do, even though she never had a key.  Since we live in a complex with mostly older people (it used to be a retirement community) and teenagers look out of place except for DD and DS, I told the property manager the basic story and asked her to call the police should she see teenagers she doesn't know lingering around our house without DD and DS around.

Thank goodness you were able to cover those bases as you never know if she "borrowed" a house key when you weren't looking and made a copy.

Thanks in part to Cammie's influence, DD got into a fight a couple months ago with a mutual friend (who has since also ended her friendship with Cammie).  DD reached out to Mutual Friend and apologized with no excuses for what happened.  Friend accepted :).  They're going to meet up to discuss the incident and maybe patch up their friendship.  I thought that was very big on DD's part.

Wow, Cammie sounds like more and more a "winner."  I wonder if she were trying to isolate your DD.  Thank goodness DD was able to reach out to Mutual Friend and, hopefully, try to fix things.

DD also learned she tends to be influenced or manipulated easily by stronger personalities, and she has a shaky sense of self-worth and of her own identity.  She now knows she needs to address that shortcoming to prevent anything like this happening again.

If it's any consolation, *I* have a strong personality and *I* had, until somewhere between ages 27-30, had a strong sense of self-worth and identity.  I then, at age 27, got involved with a guy who, over time and without me realizing it until the relationship imploded, had managed to erode my strong sense of self-worth.  By the time I was 30, I was a shaky mess and had to find the strength within myself to build myself back up again.  I did and one of the many times later on when Guy tried to push me around again (yes, I stayed friends with him, stupidly), I finally was able to walk away (strong sense of self-worth reinstated), expecting I'd not have anything further to do with him.  I did end up back in touch (him reaching out first for the first time in our relationship at that point), but I noticed that he didn't keep trying to push me around like he'd had before (so, yeah, I think after him having to cave for a change, he realized he couldn't just push me around anymore).  He tried to push me around a few more times after that, and I pushed back.  At the end, I pushed back and haven't seen/spoken to him in 5-6 years.  Anyway, my point is it can happen to even the strongest of us (and I've been pretty strong-willed my entire life).  What you learn is to recognize when you're being pushed by a manipulative sort and to nip that in the bud (and they're always out there -- I come across them all the time due to DH being such a giving, compassionate sort).

zyrs

  • Member
  • Posts: 2524
  • spiffily male.
I too was nervous about what she could do, even though she never had a key.  Since we live in a complex with mostly older people (it used to be a retirement community) and teenagers look out of place except for DD and DS, I told the property manager the basic story and asked her to call the police should she see teenagers she doesn't know lingering around our house without DD and DS around.

Please see about getting your locks changed anyway.  The property manager cannot be in all places at all times.

laughtermed

  • Member
  • Posts: 246
Don't feel obligated to buy the bus ticket. If Cammie really wants one, she'll have to figure out how to buy one herself. Please rekey your locks to protect yourselves.  You need this security measure with all the travel you have planned for 2017. Most likely, Cammie knows about some or all of these absences and may use the opportunity to break in.

sammycat

  • Member
  • Posts: 7918
. Please rekey your locks to protect yourselves.  You need this security measure with all the travel you have planned for 2017. Most likely, Cammie knows about some or all of these absences and may use the opportunity to break in.

Now there's a worrying thought, and something I hadn't thought of. I can't remember whether there'll be times when the entire family will be away, so hopefully this is a moot point. I'd like to think Cammie is above break and enter, but if she's still in the area at a time when OP is away, and still being vindictive, then it is something to consider.

oz diva

  • Member
  • Posts: 1557
  • The Classics are SO last Century
I do it just for the peace of mind. It's not terribly expensive.

Victoria

Contrary

  • Member
  • Posts: 424
    • Very Contrary
I do it just for the peace of mind. It's not terribly expensive.

Probably cheaper than a bus ticket!

sammycat

  • Member
  • Posts: 7918
I do it just for the peace of mind. It's not terribly expensive.

Probably cheaper than a bus ticket!

 ;D  Yes!

I agree with a few PP who've said that there probably wasn't ever a school offer in existence.  I'm curious - would the school offers be emailed out to the students? If so, and such an offer existed, it would've been super easy for Cammie to just forward that email. Or even just email/text an attached screenshot from a website, or photo of the letter. But it's hard to forward something that just doesn't exist in the first place I guess.

LifeOnPluto

  • Member
  • Posts: 8066
I think this question can be boiled down to:

- Person A promises to grant Person B a favour.

- Prior to receiving that favour, Person B is rude to Person A, and treats them horribly.

- Is Person A still obliged to keep their promise and grant Person B that favour.

In general, my feeling is no - Person A is NOT obliged to still do the favour for Person B.

So in summary OP, I can't say you were rude for not keeping your promise to Cammie to give her a bus ticket, given the way she treated your family.

I also question why Cammie couldn't pay for her own bus ticket? Even if she was on minimum wage (which I believe is $7.50 in the USA? Correct me if I'm wrong, eHell Americans), that would only be 27 hours worth of work. Less than a full-time job. Even if she was only working 15 hours per week, she could still save up in less than two weeks. Given that she wasn't paying rent, I question why she apparently has no funds of her own to buy her own ticket. What's she been spending her wages on?

One more thing to consider, OP. I'm guessing that Cammie hasn't really had any decent adult role models in her life. No one to instill proper values, or set boundaries for her. By teaching her that actions have consequences, you are actually giving her a valuable life lesson! This is better than buying her the ticket, and thus teaching her that you can go through life treating people badly without any repercussions.

greencat

  • Member
  • Posts: 4609
  • Trap...Neuter...What was that third thing again?
I think this question can be boiled down to:

- Person A promises to grant Person B a favour.

- Prior to receiving that favour, Person B is rude to Person A, and treats them horribly.

- Is Person A still obliged to keep their promise and grant Person B that favour.

In general, my feeling is no - Person A is NOT obliged to still do the favour for Person B.

So in summary OP, I can't say you were rude for not keeping your promise to Cammie to give her a bus ticket, given the way she treated your family.

I also question why Cammie couldn't pay for her own bus ticket? Even if she was on minimum wage (which I believe is $7.50 in the USA? Correct me if I'm wrong, eHell Americans), that would only be 27 hours worth of work. Less than a full-time job. Even if she was only working 15 hours per week, she could still save up in less than two weeks. Given that she wasn't paying rent, I question why she apparently has no funds of her own to buy her own ticket. What's she been spending her wages on?

One more thing to consider, OP. I'm guessing that Cammie hasn't really had any decent adult role models in her life. No one to instill proper values, or set boundaries for her. By teaching her that actions have consequences, you are actually giving her a valuable life lesson! This is better than buying her the ticket, and thus teaching her that you can go through life treating people badly without any repercussions.

It's really more that:
Person A promises that if Person B meets certain conditions, they will grant them a favor.
Person B fails to meet those conditions, and is furthermore rude and horrible to Person A and their family.
Person A would not have been obligated to grant the favor even if Person B was incredibly nice, because Person B did not meet the stipulated conditions.

ladyknight1

  • Member
  • Posts: 14145
  • Not all those who wander are lost
I do it just for the peace of mind. It's not terribly expensive.

Probably cheaper than a bus ticket!

 ;D  Yes!

I agree with a few PP who've said that there probably wasn't ever a school offer in existence.  I'm curious - would the school offers be emailed out to the students? If so, and such an offer existed, it would've been super easy for Cammie to just forward that email. Or even just email/text an attached screenshot from a website, or photo of the letter. But it's hard to forward something that just doesn't exist in the first place I guess.

Our offers of admission are sent both in emails and in a letter to their mailing address. The applicant can also log in to their portal and see their admission status and what information is needed from them at any time.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Carotte

  • Member
  • Posts: 2138
I vote don't buy it.
The only thing it will teach Cammie is that she'll get everything she wants by bullying and moaning, and we already have enough of those people in the world.
You got her out, keep her out (of your life). Don't make her think you'll crack again or she will exploit it down the line.

Otterpop

  • Member
  • Posts: 1593
No ticket, no way.  She didn't fulfill the requirement, she manipulated your daughter and she didn't respect you.   I have a feeling if the ticket is refundable she's looking for the cash, not a ride out of town.  Good for you for getting her out of your lives.


artk2002

  • Member
  • Posts: 14720
    • The Delian's Commonwealth
Our offers of admission are sent both in emails and in a letter to their mailing address. The applicant can also log in to their portal and see their admission status and what information is needed from them at any time.

UCLA was the same for me. Multiple ways of finding out.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.