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  • June 28, 2017, 11:24:01 PM

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Author Topic: How to say honeymoon fund?  (Read 4123 times)

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Carotte

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2017, 08:58:46 AM »
Are they using a honeymoon registry (online booking/registry service) or saying they'd earmark the money gifts for the honeymoon?

Either way, something like:

"alternatively, should you wish to contribute to the honeymoon fund, please -find our honeymoonregistry.com page here/adress the cheque/money to-"

or,

"As well as building a household together we are looking forward to making memories as a maried couple, as such you may find our registry at BB&B and a honeymoon fund at XYZ" ?

TurtleDove

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #16 on: February 27, 2017, 09:32:30 AM »
The problem w/ an official honeymoon registry is it really does look like the couple is asking for money. Because they are. And that can turn people off.
  Plus, they always take a cut of the money--and lots of people who are willing to give money are happy to write a check. People already do that anyway.
   And sometimes the way the honeymoon registry is organized is sort of offensive or offputting

However, I think it's almost better to flat-out say:

"We've registered some gift ideas at BB&B. We are also hoping some people will want to help us with our honeymoon, so we can create memories that will last a lifetime."

Or sometimes you say, "We have so much of what we need for our new home together; there are gift ideas on our registry at BB&B for people who want to give a physical gift."   And leave sort of unspoken, "but cash is what's most likely to be useful." And then you use the cash any way you want.

I think saying nothing is best. Register for what you want, don't register for things you don't. Presumably the people you have invited to your wedding know you and want to give you what you will appreciate. (all yous general).

I personally have no problem with whatever registry a couple makes, because I want to give the couple what they would most appreciate. But the bolded comes across a little weird to me unless said in response to a direct question. I wouldn't state it outright on an invitation or website.

gellchom

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #17 on: February 27, 2017, 01:23:25 PM »
I agree.  The less you say, the better.  "Petunia and Cuthbert are registered at XYZ and ABC."  Period.

Don't go on and tell them what you're hoping for most or graciously agreeing to accept.  Definitively don't try to "give him them permission" to "go off registry."   No one has to buy from the registry in the first place, and the more you protest that you are fine with gifts of their own choosing, the more it sounds like you really aren't. 

If you'd rather have cash, for a honeymoon or anything else, just don't register for much (or anything).  People will ask you or your parents or friends, and then -- because they asked -- it's okay to answer that you/they are trying to save for a honeymoon/car/house/whatever.

Whenever you find yourself struggling too hard for wording that won't sound greedy, tacky, or pushy, there's a very good chance the problem isn't the wording.  There's just a limit to how far you can go, politely, to control others' generosity toward you. 
« Last Edit: March 08, 2017, 10:21:52 PM by gellchom »

TurtleDove

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #18 on: February 27, 2017, 01:27:10 PM »

Whenever you find yourself struggling too hard for wording that won't sound greedy, tacky, or pushy, there's a very good chance the problem isn't the wording. 

This statement is exceptional! It applies to just about anything!

gellchom

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #19 on: June 21, 2017, 03:41:26 PM »
I need a wedding gift for a couple who have a registry on an online registry site.  The only thing registered is a honeymoon fund.  They wrote [I'm paraphrasing just a bit to prevent identification/searchability], "We are so lucky that our home in City is full of everything we need day-to-day. In lieu of acquiring more things, we would love to have an amazing honeymoon."  Then there were a couple more sentences about how much they love to travel, where they've been, and some places they'd like to go.

I'm sure they worked hard on the wording (I got the sweetest email from the groom that I know, our friends' son, when he found out that we wouldn't be able to attend the party), but honestly I think they would have been better off just saying nothing.  It feels like they felt they had to make some rationalization for having only a honeymoon registry (as if it were unusual these days for couples to have fully outfitted apartments).  But if they had registered, say, an upscale china pattern, would they have felt like they had to say something like "We love to entertain and would love to have amazing china to serve dinner to our guests"?  No, they'd just register it and leave it at that.

When people feel the need to go on and on about their choices, I often feel like they are uncomfortable with their choice and are trying to make it sound better.  Sort of like protesting too much.  If there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, then just do it. 

And adding that "in lieu of" wording goes even a bit farther than just having a honeymoon registry, IMO.  It says pretty explicitly that this is the only thing that they would welcome, and that's pushy on any kind of registry.  On a cash registry, it does start to edge toward feeling like an invoice.

I think we will probably send this couple a check.  I don't like honeymoon funds or for that matter giving cash for wedding gifts, but if that's they only thing that they would enjoy, then I'll do it.  But I won't do it through the site, because it charges either the giver or the HC a percentage of the gift.  They can use the cash for their honeymoon just the same if I send a check.

Mommyoops

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #20 on: June 21, 2017, 05:31:41 PM »
My second cousin had a wedding website with a registry. My cousin spread the word when asked that the happy couple would really like donations towards their honeymoon when asked what they wanted. I had zero issue and happily donated towards the honeymoon. They also had traditional items on their registry as well. I was just pleased to give them something they really wanted.

gellchom

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #21 on: June 21, 2017, 08:17:42 PM »
My second cousin had a wedding website with a registry. My cousin spread the word when asked that the happy couple would really like donations towards their honeymoon when asked what they wanted. I had zero issue and happily donated towards the honeymoon. They also had traditional items on their registry as well. I was just pleased to give them something they really wanted.

I think everyone wants to give HCs something they will really want.

But that doesn't mean that people like being proactively pretty much directly asked for cash or being told that nothing but money will be appreciated.

In the case of the young man I wrote about above, there are other circumstances that make it even a little riskier.  The wedding itself is to be private, immediate family only, far away.  His parents, our friends, are giving a big party here in his hometown for family and friends.  The only wedding website is that honeymoon registry.  Now, none of those things is wrong, and as far as I know, no one is upset or offended -- certainly we aren't.  But when you add it all up, it amounts to "We aren't going to invite any of you at our wedding, but we do expect that lots of people are going to want to give us gifts [otherwise why an online registry?], and we don't want anything that we will have in our home that will remind us of you over the years or anything you would choose or make for us, we only want cash to spend all at once on a trip."  None of those things is wrong or rude.  But added all together, it doesn't feel so nice.  I love this family, it's not a big deal, and I'm going to spend as much as I would have in any case.  But if anyone considering this asked me in the future, I'd advise them to find a different way.

Luci

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #22 on: June 21, 2017, 09:47:58 PM »
Do those honeymoon funds work like GoFundMe where an amount goes to the company? We write a check to give as a wedding gift without going through a third party.

TurtleDove

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #23 on: June 21, 2017, 10:37:43 PM »
we don't want anything that we will have in our home that will remind us of you over the years or anything you would choose or make for us, we only want cash to spend all at once on a trip."

^^^ For a lot of people, myself included, I absolutely value experiences over tangible things. I would most definitely remember that Aunt Sally gave my husband and me the cenote tour more than i would "appreciate" a crystal bowl we rarely use. My point is, different people value different things.

gellchom

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #24 on: June 21, 2017, 11:05:28 PM »
we don't want anything that we will have in our home that will remind us of you over the years or anything you would choose or make for us, we only want cash to spend all at once on a trip."

^^^ For a lot of people, myself included, I absolutely value experiences over tangible things. I would most definitely remember that Aunt Sally gave my husband and me the cenote tour more than i would "appreciate" a crystal bowl we rarely use. My point is, different people value different things.
 
Of course they do.  (I prefer experiences, too, as a matter of fact, especially at this stage of my life.)  That's not the issue, though. 

This site doesn't let guests choose to give a cenote tour or anything.  You just chuck in money.  Of which the company keeps a percentage.  It's just passing the hat for a vacation.  If they want money or experiences, that's fine; I just think this isn't a very charming way to go about it.

Redneck Gravy

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #25 on: June 22, 2017, 09:08:43 AM »
 
Of course they do.  (I prefer experiences, too, as a matter of fact, especially at this stage of my life.)  That's not the issue, though. 

This site doesn't let guests choose to give a cenote tour or anything.  You just chuck in money.  Of which the company keeps a percentage.  It's just passing the hat for a vacation.  If they want money or experiences, that's fine; I just think this isn't a very charming way to go about it.

I agree with Gellchom, it's just a fancy way of passing the hat.  While I have strong opinions about Gofundme they are here to stay. 

For the prior 50 plus years I have seen accounts set up at local banks that take donations for individuals and families needing help with medical issues, lack of death benefits and funds for surviving family members after tragic events and so on - none of which took a cut of the donations.  I have never heard anyone complain about these accounts. 

I wonder if a wedding invitation arrived with the same bank information for a honeymoon fund how that would be received?  If it would be perceived as being rude and entitled it probably shouldn't be done, how does Gofundme make that acceptable? 

And please understand, it's not that I don't understand a couple wanting money to fund a nice honeymoon trip with lasting memories, this method is just inappropriate for my generation/social group.  It used to be that guests would call the parents or future couple and ask where they were registered or what they would like - that is when it would me mentioned that a special trip was planned and hinted that cash would be preferred.  Word of mouth is basically how money was collected, I realize GFMe method is more efficient but really, is it more polite?

What has become of people supporting themselves and their lifestyle: saving and sacrificing for their future?  I see GFMe accounts for honeymoons, vacations, college funds, in vitro treatments, adoption plans, new furniture, new landscaping, down payment funds for a new home, home renovations, even an account for someone that has lost a lot of weight to upgrade their wardrobe and a number of other "private" life events, at what point does it become rude to do this?  And who am I to determine what is rude and what isn't without guidelines somewhere?  If I speak up I become the rude one. 

For the OP, if you are writing that there is a page for honeymoon trip donations, just say so and set up the link, you can't win either way in my opinion, there is no "better" wording for begging.   

TurtleDove

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #26 on: June 22, 2017, 09:20:35 AM »
we don't want anything that we will have in our home that will remind us of you over the years or anything you would choose or make for us, we only want cash to spend all at once on a trip."

^^^ For a lot of people, myself included, I absolutely value experiences over tangible things. I would most definitely remember that Aunt Sally gave my husband and me the cenote tour more than i would "appreciate" a crystal bowl we rarely use. My point is, different people value different things.
 
Of course they do.  (I prefer experiences, too, as a matter of fact, especially at this stage of my life.)  That's not the issue, though. 

This site doesn't let guests choose to give a cenote tour or anything.  You just chuck in money.  Of which the company keeps a percentage.  It's just passing the hat for a vacation.  If they want money or experiences, that's fine; I just think this isn't a very charming way to go about it.

I have no familiarity with the sites other posters are describing and really no opinion on them. I was specifically responding to the bolded in green. For me and a great many people I know, memories and photos from experiences create much stronger/fonder bonds to the givers than some tangible item that is not really wanted, needed, or used. The tone of the post I quoted (I was on my phone at the time and couldn't crop how I wanted) came across to me that wanting something intangible was somehow a diss of the giver, and I was pointing out that not everyone agrees with that.

gollymolly2

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #27 on: June 22, 2017, 10:51:05 AM »
Quote
And please understand, it's not that I don't understand a couple wanting money to fund a nice honeymoon trip with lasting memories, this method is just inappropriate for my generation/social group.  It used to be that guests would call the parents or future couple and ask where they were registered or what they would like - that is when it would me mentioned that a special trip was planned and hinted that cash would be preferred.  Word of mouth is basically how money was collected, I realize GFMe method is more efficient but really, is it more polite?

Quote
What has become of people supporting themselves and their lifestyle: saving and sacrificing for their future?  *snip*

For the OP, if you are writing that there is a page for honeymoon trip donations, just say so and set up the link, you can't win either way in my opinion, there is no "better" wording for begging.

Redneck Gravy, these two points from you seem contradictory. It seems that you're fine with people asking for money toward a honeymoon when the parents hint for it. But if the couple sets up a website, then it's a sign that people don't save and support their lifestyles anymore and that they're begging.

Why is it begging if you have a website but not begging if your parents do it for you?

For what it's worth, I think it's best to just have a page on the website with a link to any store registries and/or a link to any honeymoon registries, without any commentary. People understand how gifts work. They don't need an explanation.

Oh Joy

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #28 on: June 22, 2017, 11:45:38 AM »
I need a wedding gift for a couple who have a registry on an online registry site.  The only thing registered is a honeymoon fund.
...
I think we will probably send this couple a check.  I don't like honeymoon funds or for that matter giving cash for wedding gifts, but if that's they only thing that they would enjoy, then I'll do it.  But I won't do it through the site, because it charges either the giver or the HC a percentage of the gift.  They can use the cash for their honeymoon just the same if I send a check.

It's tough when you want to give a gift but something just doesn't feel right.

When I had a recent similar situation but also wasn't comfortable giving money, I gave a gift certificate to our local traveler's store.  It felt like it was in tune with both my desires as a giver and theirs as a recipient, as they could purchase nice accessories to use when they travel for their honeymoon and also years to come.


HannahGrace

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Re: How to say honeymoon fund?
« Reply #29 on: June 22, 2017, 12:15:39 PM »
My second cousin had a wedding website with a registry. My cousin spread the word when asked that the happy couple would really like donations towards their honeymoon when asked what they wanted. I had zero issue and happily donated towards the honeymoon. They also had traditional items on their registry as well. I was just pleased to give them something they really wanted.

I think everyone wants to give HCs something they will really want.

But that doesn't mean that people like being proactively pretty much directly asked for cash or being told that nothing but money will be appreciated.

In the case of the young man I wrote about above, there are other circumstances that make it even a little riskier.  The wedding itself is to be private, immediate family only, far away.  His parents, our friends, are giving a big party here in his hometown for family and friends.  The only wedding website is that honeymoon registry.  Now, none of those things is wrong, and as far as I know, no one is upset or offended -- certainly we aren't.  But when you add it all up, it amounts to "We aren't going to invite any of you at our wedding, but we do expect that lots of people are going to want to give us gifts [otherwise why an online registry?], and we don't want anything that we will have in our home that will remind us of you over the years or anything you would choose or make for us, we only want cash to spend all at once on a trip."  None of those things is wrong or rude.  But added all together, it doesn't feel so nice.  I love this family, it's not a big deal, and I'm going to spend as much as I would have in any case.  But if anyone considering this asked me in the future, I'd advise them to find a different way.

Respectfully, a couple getting married choosing to have a honeymoon registry isn't about a rejection of you. I am not a fan of honeymoon registries, but I also think giving a gift isn't about making the recipient think about you either.