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  • December 15, 2017, 10:42:32 AM

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Author Topic: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?  (Read 4058 times)

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gellchom

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Re: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?
« Reply #15 on: January 28, 2017, 10:42:46 PM »
I agree planning to get married a within the same year is not an issue. I've never really undestood the "stealing my thunder" concern unless you are seriously upstaging someone at their actual event.

Even if you were both planning big weddings, holding them months apart is no big deal in my opinion. For instance, if I attended your bridal shower and then their wedding 3 weeks later, I'm still going to enjoy and celebrate both events. Sure, two siblings marrying close together does require some coordination to try and make sure there's no overlap or causing similar guest lists to attend back to back weekend events.

I agree, except for the last sentence. I can only speak for myself, and my family dynamics, but it wouldn't bother me in the slightest to attend a bridal shower or wedding for Cousin 1 on one weekend, followed by an event for Cousin 2 on weekend two, followed by another wedding event for Cousin 3 on weekend three.  My family has a history of holding gatherings on consecutive weekends for different events, so the fact they were all wedding related wouldn't make the slightest difference. It'd be no different from three separate friends having all these back to back events.  I'm aware other families may view this differently.

When I got married, it was just one a spate of weddings amongst my family and friends within about a six month period. I don't think it occurred to anyone (least of all me) that someone could be "stealing someone's thunder".  Quite the contrary - it was viewed as quite neat that we were all going to have similar wedding anniversary dates etc (and it certainly makes remembering how long people have been married easier, lol).  All the weddings were the traditional white weddings, but it was interesting seeing both the similarities and difference between them all.

OP, plan your wedding for when it suits you, just as your brother and his fiancee are doing.

That's great if you all live nearby.  But if the family is spread out (like mine), three weddings so close in time will require most people to have to choose only one or at most two to attend.  Not only the HCs but the relatives themselves will be disappointed to miss the others.

Winterlight

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Re: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?
« Reply #16 on: January 29, 2017, 08:41:37 PM »
I don't think they are owed a period of years in which no one else has anything happen. Elope in good health and do what works for you both, as long as you don't have the elopement the same weekend they get married!
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?
« Reply #17 on: January 30, 2017, 04:49:48 AM »
I don't think they are owed a period of years in which no one else has anything happen. Elope in good health and do what works for you both, as long as you don't have the elopement the same weekend they get married!

If they are eloping with no one else present who would be at the brother's wedding, as long as they make the required wedding events, it would be fine.  Not so fine to announce it that weekend, mind you.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
Ontario

Mayadoz

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Re: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?
« Reply #18 on: January 30, 2017, 05:00:44 AM »
I have to shudder when I think of the logistics of trying to coordinate all of these engagements and weddings and taking account of impending births if they were worried about stealing soneone's thunder. Whew!

This reminded me of the guilt I felt when SIL announced she was pregnant after she and BIL had been trying for a baby for about three years...I'd found out I was pregnant with DS a few weeks earlier but hadn't said anything as I'd miscarried previously and didn't want to 'jinx' anything. Of course, it's not something you can keep secret...DS was due/was born a week earlier than her son and was the first grandchild. SIL has never really forgiven me.  :-[
Life is short. Buy the shoes. Drink the wine. Order the dessert.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?
« Reply #19 on: January 30, 2017, 07:49:20 AM »
I'm confused, OP - you posted about six months ago that you were engaged and planning a wedding.  Now you aren't engaged?

Eloping is getting married, so I'm going to assume she's still engaged

auntmeegs

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Re: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?
« Reply #20 on: January 30, 2017, 08:23:13 AM »
I have to shudder when I think of the logistics of trying to coordinate all of these engagements and weddings and taking account of impending births if they were worried about stealing soneone's thunder. Whew!

This reminded me of the guilt I felt when SIL announced she was pregnant after she and BIL had been trying for a baby for about three years...I'd found out I was pregnant with DS a few weeks earlier but hadn't said anything as I'd miscarried previously and didn't want to 'jinx' anything. Of course, it's not something you can keep secret...DS was due/was born a week earlier than her son and was the first grandchild. SIL has never really forgiven me:-[

How pathetic.  Shame on her. 

HannahGrace

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Re: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?
« Reply #21 on: January 30, 2017, 08:37:17 AM »
I'm confused, OP - you posted about six months ago that you were engaged and planning a wedding.  Now you aren't engaged?

Eloping is getting married, so I'm going to assume she's still engaged

The OP said they were going to "forego the fuss of an engagement" which is where my question came from. You're right that it doesn't really matter.

gellchom

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Re: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?
« Reply #22 on: January 30, 2017, 08:40:48 AM »
I'm confused, OP - you posted about six months ago that you were engaged and planning a wedding.  Now you aren't engaged?

Eloping is getting married, so I'm going to assume she's still engaged

I assume HannahGrace meant a public engagement and planning a non-secret wedding. I believe that "elopement" refers to secretly going off and getting married, often out of town, not just a very small or private ceremony.


PastryGoddess

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Re: Secretly eloping the same year SO's brother gets engaged?
« Reply #23 on: January 30, 2017, 11:26:40 AM »
I'm confused, OP - you posted about six months ago that you were engaged and planning a wedding.  Now you aren't engaged?

Eloping is getting married, so I'm going to assume she's still engaged

The OP said they were going to "forego the fuss of an engagement" which is where my question came from. You're right that it doesn't really matter.

ah I see.  I think of engagement meaning the period between a proposal and the marriage.  So whether they do a BWW, a small backyard wedding, or run away to a tropical island they're engaged until the wedding happens or it's called off. 

I saw forgoing the fuss meaning not doing any parties or showers to celebrate the impending nuptials