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  • January 18, 2018, 05:53:00 PM

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Author Topic: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"  (Read 7005 times)

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TracyXJ

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #30 on: January 30, 2017, 01:22:46 PM »
I would hope that the hair stylist would check in about this, especially given the child's age and the fact that he was not with his primary caregiver. Perhaps a quick, "So mom and dad have given their permission for this haircut, correct?"  If someone did this to me with my child, I would not only raise holy hell with that person but the stylist too would hear about it. You would think they would be sensitive to this kind of thing, especially if they do kid's cuts often.

I disagree with this also. Do you really want to live in a world where a hair stylist is quizzing people on who has permission to authorize a child's haircut?

Yes, I do. Which is why I wrote what I wrote. It would hardly be intrusive to ask a quick question. When I was a teenager and wanted to get my hair died blue, the hairstylist wouldn't do it unless I had my parent's permission. Hair stylists who deal with young children know well how attached some parents can be to that first experience, and while I'm not suggesting it be a law or anything, I do think that a stylist would do well to make sure they are not out of bounds in this area. Especially given the fact that Grandma said explicitly that this was going to be a "surprise".

I have a number of friends who don't look like their children. Should they be quizzed too?

I'm really not sure what you are trying to imply with this statement. I also have friends (and a sister) that don't look like their children. This has nothing to do with...I'm not sure what it is that you're trying to suggest - race? adoption? The OP posted a really clear scenario in which a child was obviously with someone that wasn't his parent, and who clearly indicated that the parent did not know about the impending haircut. It had nothing to do with any assumptions about their relationship being made by the stylist. Yes, in that situation, I believe that it would not be out of bounds for the stylist to confirm that the haircut was authorized by the parent.

I understand that you do not see this as reasonable. We will agree to disagree.

The bolded is the point.  How is the stylist supposed to decide that it is obviously not the parent?  If it weren't for the granny making the comment about surprising mommy, then the stylist would have no idea that this wasn't the child's guardian.  And for all any of us know, granny is the legal guardian of the child and questioning her would just open up a different can of worms. 

For the record, I think grandma here was way over the line in taking the child for the 1st haircut.  I'm still hurt that my MIL took our oldest to his  1st movie without asking us. 

Betelnut

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #31 on: January 30, 2017, 01:49:47 PM »
I would hope that the hair stylist would check in about this, especially given the child's age and the fact that he was not with his primary caregiver. Perhaps a quick, "So mom and dad have given their permission for this haircut, correct?"  If someone did this to me with my child, I would not only raise holy hell with that person but the stylist too would hear about it. You would think they would be sensitive to this kind of thing, especially if they do kid's cuts often.

I disagree with this also. Do you really want to live in a world where a hair stylist is quizzing people on who has permission to authorize a child's haircut?

Yes, I do. Which is why I wrote what I wrote. It would hardly be intrusive to ask a quick question. When I was a teenager and wanted to get my hair died blue, the hairstylist wouldn't do it unless I had my parent's permission. Hair stylists who deal with young children know well how attached some parents can be to that first experience, and while I'm not suggesting it be a law or anything, I do think that a stylist would do well to make sure they are not out of bounds in this area. Especially given the fact that Grandma said explicitly that this was going to be a "surprise".

I have a number of friends who don't look like their children. Should they be quizzed too?

I'm really not sure what you are trying to imply with this statement. I also have friends (and a sister) that don't look like their children. This has nothing to do with...I'm not sure what it is that you're trying to suggest - race? adoption? The OP posted a really clear scenario in which a child was obviously with someone that wasn't his parent, and who clearly indicated that the parent did not know about the impending haircut. It had nothing to do with any assumptions about their relationship being made by the stylist. Yes, in that situation, I believe that it would not be out of bounds for the stylist to confirm that the haircut was authorized by the parent.

I understand that you do not see this as reasonable. We will agree to disagree.

The bolded is the point.  How is the stylist supposed to decide that it is obviously not the parent?  If it weren't for the granny making the comment about surprising mommy, then the stylist would have no idea that this wasn't the child's guardian.  And for all any of us know, granny is the legal guardian of the child and questioning her would just open up a different can of worms. 

...

I'm old enough to be my daughter's grandmother (adopted her when I was 45) so, yeah, how is the stylist supposed to decide who is a parent and who isn't?
Native Texan, Marylander currently

EmmaJ.

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #32 on: January 30, 2017, 01:58:02 PM »
I am really sad we will never get an update on mom's reaction.

My sister's mother-in-law did something similar when she was babysitting - fed the baby her first solid food.  My sister was livid.  She had planned to take pictures and write a story about it to add to her Baby Book.

That was 19 years ago and my sister still hasn't forgiven her MIL. 

Bert

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #33 on: January 30, 2017, 02:21:49 PM »
In reading this, it is starting to occur to me that maybe if people have important "firsts" for their kids that are somewhat seemingly normal things, then maybe people who are asked to care for those children should be given lists, or verbally be told the "do not do's".

I agree, the first haircut thing would seem obvious to me, but solid food wouldn't have.  Every person here would probably have different interpretations of these things, and I'm in no way saying that there is a right or a wrong answer to any of these, so maybe it should be made a little more known and obvious if its going to be important to someone.

malfoyfan13

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #34 on: January 30, 2017, 02:50:08 PM »
Yes, if Mom's going to be "so surprised", I don't think she delegated the job to Grandma.

Speaking as a brand-new Grandma (as of last month!), it would NEVER occur to me that I had any right to take my granddaughter for her first haircut.  If I were lucky enough to be invited to go along, I'd go, but any "first" is the parents' right, not mine.  I got to do that with my son.  I wouldn't take that away from him by sneaking his daughter out to the hair salon.

lilfox

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #35 on: January 30, 2017, 04:30:19 PM »
My mom asked if she could take DD to get her first salon haircut.  I was happy to have her do it and DD was thrilled with the post-haircut ice cream treat, but then again I was the one who gave my DD her first hair cut (I couldn't take the mullet look anymore!).

However, I was pretty upset when my SIL gave DD her first (informal) skiing lesson, without asking me.   >:(  I was right there, I had outfitted DD with skis etc. and had to walk back to get my own skis on, and SIL moved off with DD to help her get started.  By the time I was ready they were already up the magic carpet.  I had never thought about it before (to say anything like hey, that's my job) and didn't realize how upset I would get, but I also always assumed that I would be skiing with her.  DH didn't think it was any big deal either.

Sometimes you never know what firsts will be big deals until you miss out on them.

jpcher

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #36 on: January 30, 2017, 05:01:04 PM »
I just had a conversation with my DD#2 who is a hairstylist (with absolutely no preamble of this thread . . . this conversation is pretty much verbatim):

Me: What if someone came to you with a 2-3 year old child for a hair cut and said to the kid "Oh, your mom is going to be so surprised" What would you do?

DD#2: I would ask the adult what relation are you to the child. We're not allowed to do anything to a child's hair who is under 12 without parental permission. Like we can't dye their hair or anything like that if a group of 10 year olds come into the shop. We would have to refuse them service.

Me: Okay. What if the child doesn't look anything like the adult?

DD#2: Well, we can't police everybody. What if the child was adopted? Not all kids look like their parents. There are clues like the kid calls the parent mom or dad.

Me: Okay. Why did you answer the way you did for my first question?

DD#2: Um, it was obvious that the adult was not the parent?

Me: Thank you!


Yeah, she was a bit confused by my questions and I explained that there was a bit of a debate going on here as I ran back to my computer to post before I forgot the exact words.;)



So, according to my daughter who takes pride in keeping up with the rules and regulations of being a hair stylist, Zizi-K was absolutely correct with her original comment.

OP -- did you see the child's hair actually being cut?

Two Ravens

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #37 on: January 30, 2017, 05:25:35 PM »
And if grandma says, "Yes, I have permission from daddy," what then? Do hairstylists require duel permissions?

Grandma could still be the child's permanent guardian...

And, of course, grandma can just lie. What's next - notarized permission slips?

jpcher

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #38 on: January 30, 2017, 05:55:45 PM »
The stylist simply stands on his/her ground (knowing regulations and all that) and refuses service if he/she isn't completely satisfied that the customer is in compliance with the rules.

'nuff said.

Back to the original topic. Okay?



I always cut my DDs hair at home when they were babies, mostly cutting the whispy things away from their face. LDH was pretty upset when I finally cut DD#1's hair with bangs. I said "Have you ever tried putting barrettes that actually held in a child's hair?"

I agree with the first salon hair cutting being a first. I would have been upset if anybody thought to take care of my child in such a way, almost like I wouldn't have been doing my job as a caring mother.



miranova

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #39 on: January 30, 2017, 06:06:35 PM »
Literally no one in this thread said that the hairstylist needs to hold a trial and swear in witnesses to determine who the child's parent is.  Only that if the person who brings the child in is obviously NOT their parent (as evidenced by the fact that they said so) perhaps it's not a good idea to cut their hair.   Also if kids come in alone, probably not a good idea to dye their hair blue.  Common sense.

While I certainly agree that it's possible that the mother gave permission for grandma to do this at some point, I think that's less likely than grandma just taking it upon herself.  It's not unheard of for grandparents to overstep the parents authority.  There are whole books and websites dedicated to people who have no boundaries and do things just like this.  So it's no stretch to opine that perhaps that's what happened here.  If not, what harm was done by posting about it?

Two Ravens

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #40 on: January 30, 2017, 06:24:40 PM »
The stylist simply stands on his/her ground (knowing regulations and all that) and refuses service if he/she isn't completely satisfied that the customer is in compliance with the rules.

'nuff said.

Back to the original topic. Okay?


The original topic is people speculating based on an overheard conversation, so I though it would be okay to posit a hypothetical.

I am still curious, though. Is this just horrible because a grandmother is doing it? If it was the child's father doing this, would people still be appalled?

miranova

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #41 on: January 30, 2017, 06:27:16 PM »
Are you implying that a grandmother has the same authority over a child as their father does?  If so I absolutely don't agree.  A grandparent does not get to make these decisions without consulting the parents. 

Two Ravens

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #42 on: January 30, 2017, 06:33:50 PM »
Are you implying that a grandmother has the same authority over a child as their father does?  If so I absolutely don't agree.  A grandparent does not get to make these decisions without consulting the parents.

Well, there are certainly situations where a grandmother would... such as when the grandparent is the one with primary custody.

And does she need to consult with both parents? Or is just one suffice?

miranova

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #43 on: January 30, 2017, 06:41:55 PM »
This is getting silly.  The grandmother clearly stated that the mother would be so surprised.  If you want to infer from that that the grandmother has custody, you are free to do so but I think that's quite a stretch. 

If I were a grandparent I would not cut my grandchild's hair if the parents disagreed on whether or not it should be cut.  I'm not going to be the tie breaker, that would be their job to negotiate among themselves.  So if one parent (either one) said no, it would be a no for me.

FauxFoodist

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #44 on: January 30, 2017, 06:58:00 PM »
The stylist simply stands on his/her ground (knowing regulations and all that) and refuses service if he/she isn't completely satisfied that the customer is in compliance with the rules.

'nuff said.

Back to the original topic. Okay?


The original topic is people speculating based on an overheard conversation, so I though it would be okay to posit a hypothetical.

I am still curious, though. Is this just horrible because a grandmother is doing it? If it was the child's father doing this, would people still be appalled?

I get the sense that people are saying someone other than the parents shouldn't just assume it's okay to do this.

If this were my child, first-time haircut or not, I wouldn't be thrilled with someone not my spouse taking my child to alter his/her appearance without asking one of us first.  I would hope DH would know to check with me first to see if I'm okay with it (whether or not he did it or another relative were to do it).  I would be mentioning it to DH if I were planning such an outing.  I got upset a year or so ago because the dog groomer (first time ever we had our dog professionally groomed) trimmed our dog's ear hair fringe without asking us first (she was supposed to just be getting a bath and brushed; none of her fur was supposed to be getting trimmed off -- there was nothing wrong with her fur that meant anything might need to be trimmed off, including that on her ears).  I could tell immediately upon stroking her ears that they felt different then looked at them, seeing where the fur had been trimmed off her ears.  That was the end of our relationship with that pet-service business (it was our first so, then, our last; I needed to feel I could trust the business with my pet and feel they should've asked us first about taking scissors to our dog's fur, which wasn't planned).  Someone who would alter my (human) child's appearance without asking a parent first would not be someone I could trust after.

Sometimes you never know what firsts will be big deals until you miss out on them.

Pod.

Are you implying that a grandmother has the same authority over a child as their father does?  If so I absolutely don't agree.  A grandparent does not get to make these decisions without consulting the parents.

Well, there are certainly situations where a grandmother would... such as when the grandparent is the one with primary custody.

This is getting silly.  The grandmother clearly stated that the mother would be so surprised.  If you want to infer from that that the grandmother has custody, you are free to do so but I think that's quite a stretch.

I agree; this is a stretch to detour into the grandparent having primary custody.