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  • January 17, 2018, 09:28:19 AM

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Author Topic: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"  (Read 6991 times)

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gramma dishes

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #45 on: January 30, 2017, 07:06:16 PM »
Or the mother will be very happy that the errand has been done.  It is impossible to tell since it was an overheard comment by a complete stranger.

And it is also quite possible the mother had stated previously that she didn't care who took the kid for the first haircut.

That was my first thought too. Mom could have delegated the task to grandma.

If Mom had delegated the task to Grandma, why would Mommy be so surprised?

Psychopoesie

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #46 on: January 30, 2017, 07:09:24 PM »
It's not a good idea for someone other than a primary caregiver to take the kids for haircuts without parental permission beforehand, regardless of whether it's the first haircut or the umpteenth. Same with piercing ears. I suppose because it's making a change to their kid's appearance for more than just a passing moment (and with piercing, a health risk too).

I can certainly see that there can be issues with family members who try to outdo or gazump parents around particularly activities (like the first haircut). Reading through this thread though I do wonder if some parents are missing out on letting extended family have their special moments with their kids. Sort of like holding all the "first" cards to their chests and saying, "mine all mine."

My grandma taught me to whistle when I was three. She died before I turned four. I still remember that special moment - it was certainly a first for me. It's a lovely memory to have.

I doubt very much that my grandma asked for permission first. It was an in-the-moment sort of thing.

It's nice for kids to have lots of people who love them enough to want to show them how to do stuff (whether it's skiing like a PP said, whistling, or making a cake).

As a non-parent, if I'm looking after kids (usually extended family), I ask parents for some guidelines and do tend to check before some stuff that parents are likely to have firm rules about (like what rating movies are ok) or where it involves a longer trip than just local. I follow the rules/guidelines I'm given. I'd never knowingly do something to upset the parents. But I wouldn't check in about every single activity during a day unless it was something that seemed like a potential issue. I'm not sure some stuff would even register as a special first, like the first time they try a particular food or play a game of monopoly. What if I play guitar and give the kid a go? Or read Harry Potter to them for the first time? There are so many everyday things that could be firsts for kids and, as a PP said, parents may not know something is a big deal first for them till it happens, so how on earth would I be able to guess?







Asharah

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #47 on: January 30, 2017, 07:11:32 PM »
I would hope that the hair stylist would check in about this, especially given the child's age and the fact that he was not with his primary caregiver. Perhaps a quick, "So mom and dad have given their permission for this haircut, correct?"  If someone did this to me with my child, I would not only raise holy hell with that person but the stylist too would hear about it. You would think they would be sensitive to this kind of thing, especially if they do kid's cuts often.

I disagree with this also. Do you really want to live in a world where a hair stylist is quizzing people on who has permission to authorize a child's haircut?

Yes, I do. Which is why I wrote what I wrote. It would hardly be intrusive to ask a quick question. When I was a teenager and wanted to get my hair died blue, the hairstylist wouldn't do it unless I had my parent's permission. Hair stylists who deal with young children know well how attached some parents can be to that first experience, and while I'm not suggesting it be a law or anything, I do think that a stylist would do well to make sure they are not out of bounds in this area. Especially given the fact that Grandma said explicitly that this was going to be a "surprise".
I remember a hairdresser who made the football team bring notes from their parents when they wanted their hair dyed the school colors, red & gold, buzz cut and their jersey numbers shaved in the back. Really helped when the school principal threw a "Do you know what your kids did?" fit. Didn't violate the dress code, but he claimed it was "disrupting class." Because teachers can't just say, "Yes, we've all seen Joe and Rob's hair, now sit down and let's get on with class."
Asharah

miranova

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #48 on: January 30, 2017, 07:12:40 PM »
Whistling is not even remotely the same thing.  Think of it this way, would it be ok with you if I just came up behind you and cut your hair?  No?  Well that's how parents feel when someone cuts their child's hair without asking first.  It's not about getting all the experiences, it's about the fact that it isn't grandma's decision that the hair get cut in the first place.  Some children/parents want long hair.  It's not her call.  Yes, it will grow, so would yours if I cut it off.  Still not ok.

Altarrose

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #49 on: January 30, 2017, 07:20:18 PM »
This is definitely the kind of thing my MIL would pull- and then act hurt that I wasn't thrilled...

Thankfully she has moved several states away. I hope that mother isn't too heartbroken

EllenS

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #50 on: January 30, 2017, 07:21:19 PM »
I'm just remembering how my dd's had the sweetest little baby curls, and once they'd been cut, they never grew back. Their hair is lovely, but I sure am glad I have those curls saved.

*sniff*

Psychopoesie

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #51 on: January 30, 2017, 07:22:45 PM »
Whistling is not even remotely the same thing.  Think of it this way, would it be ok with you if I just came up behind you and cut your hair?  No?  Well that's how parents feel when someone cuts their child's hair without asking first.  It's not about getting all the experiences, it's about the fact that it isn't grandma's decision that the hair get cut in the first place.  Some children/parents want long hair.  It's not her call.  Yes, it will grow, so would yours if I cut it off.  Still not ok.

If this is in response to my post (since I raised the whistling), I'm a bit confused.

I agreed about the haircut. Not just as a first but *at any time*.

rose red

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #52 on: January 30, 2017, 07:36:19 PM »
Or the mother will be very happy that the errand has been done.  It is impossible to tell since it was an overheard comment by a complete stranger.

And it is also quite possible the mother had stated previously that she didn't care who took the kid for the first haircut.

That was my first thought too. Mom could have delegated the task to grandma.

If Mom had delegated the task to Grandma, why would Mommy be so surprised?

Maybe she'll be surprised that Grandma finally did took him?

gmatoy

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #53 on: January 30, 2017, 10:19:57 PM »
In reading this, it is starting to occur to me that maybe if people have important "firsts" for their kids that are somewhat seemingly normal things, then maybe people who are asked to care for those children should be given lists, or verbally be told the "do not do's".

I agree, the first haircut thing would seem obvious to me, but solid food wouldn't have.  Every person here would probably have different interpretations of these things, and I'm in no way saying that there is a right or a wrong answer to any of these, so maybe it should be made a little more known and obvious if its going to be important to someone.

Because of allergies, I would think that solid foods should only be done by whoever is the legal guardian. In fact I wouldn't give a child anything not okayed by the parent or legal guardian.
« Last Edit: January 30, 2017, 10:25:15 PM by gmatoy »

littlelauraj

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #54 on: January 31, 2017, 07:57:02 AM »
When my oldest DD was a toddler she had very fine, curly hair.  Cute little blonde thing, but the hair was sometimes out of control.  I had plans to take her out of town to visit my aunt for her first hair cut because that is who did *my* first hair cut.  I even offered to have my exDH join us, because it was her first hair cut.  He declined.

Guess who's girlfriend decided to go ahead and cut it during a visit?  Yeah, guess how well that went over.  Right before Christmas, and she did a purposefully awful job, I think to get at me.  That chick had some real issues.  The kicker?  Ex hadn't even been aware his girlfriend had done it.  How that happened I'm still not sure.  I made myself very clear that she was never, ever to lay her hands on my kid ever again.  They weren't even married!  She had *no* right. 

miranova

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #55 on: January 31, 2017, 08:00:55 AM »
Whistling is not even remotely the same thing.  Think of it this way, would it be ok with you if I just came up behind you and cut your hair?  No?  Well that's how parents feel when someone cuts their child's hair without asking first.  It's not about getting all the experiences, it's about the fact that it isn't grandma's decision that the hair get cut in the first place.  Some children/parents want long hair.  It's not her call.  Yes, it will grow, so would yours if I cut it off.  Still not ok.

If this is in response to my post (since I raised the whistling), I'm a bit confused.

I agreed about the haircut. Not just as a first but *at any time*.

You're right, you did agree.  By the time I got to the whistling part of your post I must have forgotten that you said that.  My mistake.

Hmmmmm

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #56 on: January 31, 2017, 08:19:44 AM »
Or the mother will be very happy that the errand has been done.  It is impossible to tell since it was an overheard comment by a complete stranger.

And it is also quite possible the mother had stated previously that she didn't care who took the kid for the first haircut.

That was my first thought too. Mom could have delegated the task to grandma.

If Mom had delegated the task to Grandma, why would Mommy be so surprised?

The fact that it was done that day could be a surprise, the style could be a surprise or it could have just been a turn of phrase the grandmother used to communicate with a 3 year old to make them excited about the event.

Or based on the volunteering I've been doing recently, grandma could be the primary gaurdian right now and mom is returning home from an extended abscense as the primary care giver for a number of reasons.

ClaireC79

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #57 on: January 31, 2017, 08:32:45 AM »
It could just be surprised at how grown up they look

That said I think the most likely situation is that the mother doesn't know

wonderfullyanonymous

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #58 on: January 31, 2017, 01:20:36 PM »
My granddaughter has long, past her waist, soft curly hair. My daughter is very careful with her hair. SHe had it trimmed once, and looked for a hair dresser that specialized in curly hair. If someone other than DD had DGD hair cut, I would not want to be on the angry end of DD.

Miss Misha

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Re: "Your mommy will be so surprised when she gets home!"
« Reply #59 on: January 31, 2017, 02:17:51 PM »
In reading this, it is starting to occur to me that maybe if people have important "firsts" for their kids that are somewhat seemingly normal things, then maybe people who are asked to care for those children should be given lists, or verbally be told the "do not do's".

I agree, the first haircut thing would seem obvious to me, but solid food wouldn't have.  Every person here would probably have different interpretations of these things, and I'm in no way saying that there is a right or a wrong answer to any of these, so maybe it should be made a little more known and obvious if its going to be important to someone.

Because of allergies, I would think that solid foods should only be done by whoever is the legal guardian. In fact I wouldn't give a child anything not okayed by the parent or legal guardian.

Well, Gmatoy, you'd think that most grandparents, aunts, uncles, familiy friends, or whomever the child is with would have your kind of common sense.  Not IMHE.  My mother gave Jr. sweetened iced tea at six months.  With small ice cubes in the cup.  That is a choking hazard, not to mention that most small children are getting introduced to solids at that point, which are usually things like rice cereal or pureed fruit.  How could someone thing that something sugared and caffienated is OK? 

Later on, she also gave him meat when she was fully aware that we are a vegetarian family.  Or offering him nut cluster candy at 18 months old when we have allergies in the family (which he thankfully escaped).  My pediatrician suggested no nuts or honey or cows milk products before two years old.  Yes, Mother and I had talked about it, especially in light of some of the other allergery/asthma preventative strategies I was doing with the doctor.  I think you can guess who no longer got to have him over for meals without a me there.