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  • November 24, 2017, 06:33:40 PM

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Author Topic: Ignoring The Main Activity  (Read 11210 times)

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PastryGoddess

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #30 on: February 03, 2017, 07:13:21 AM »
So you're all saying it's okay to just sit there and pretty much ignore everyone in your group?

Yes it is, as long as everyone in that group is ok with it.  It's really none of your business why, because you're a complete stranger

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #31 on: February 03, 2017, 07:32:15 AM »
My parents used to throw a Grey Cup party (Canadian Superbowl).  In their social circle, the female halves of the couples really had no interest in the game.  So the women gathered in the living room and chatted and the men gathered in the family room with the TV and watched the game.  A couple of the women would wander out to see the score, mainly to see if they were winning the pool  ;D but came just for the company and the food.

As long as the woman's companions had no problem with her lack of participation, I don't think she was at all rude.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
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Margo

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #32 on: February 03, 2017, 07:34:13 AM »
Also, even in relation to her group, you don't know whether she was ignoring them. Had one of them spoken to her she may well have responded; all she was doing was choosing not to pay attention to the TV and not choosing to interact with strangers.

Not remotely rude.

And as her companions appear to have been focusing on the TV and not on her, then any rudeness was mutual, as both she, and other members of her group, were focusing on external things (phone/TV) rather than on each other.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2017, 06:26:24 AM by Margo »

Two Ravens

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #33 on: February 03, 2017, 07:48:06 AM »
I am not sure about this situation. Generally going to a bar and watching the game also includes interacting with the others in your party about the game. "Great pass," "The defense is really terrible today" or "Smith hasn't been the same since his knee injury," etc. To be absorbed in your phone to the extent that your response would be "huh?" If anyone said anything to you is kind of rude to me.

But then, we don't know the circumstances. Her friends could have dragged her with them when she tried to decline. Or maybe she was having a late-breaking family situation that she needed to pay attention to.

I do think people are being harsh to the OP. There are many threads on this board where people ask opinions on situations they observed/overheard, (the haircut thread pops into mind) and we don't call them busybodies or tell them to mind their own business.

Kiwipinball

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #34 on: February 03, 2017, 07:54:00 AM »
So you're all saying it's okay to just sit there and pretty much ignore everyone in your group?

Yes it is, as long as everyone in that group is ok with it.  It's really none of your business why, because you're a complete stranger

I think it could be rude. Certainly if there was no game on and everyone else was talking and she was just staring at her phone, I'd be more inclined to think she's rude (although even then there could be circumstances I wasn't aware of - if someone didn't speak the language everyone else was speaking for example). In this case, the rest of the group was essentially ignoring her as well (yes, people talk during games -about the game usually; I think it tends to be easier to talk to someone playing on a phone than super into a game). Not rude if this was the agreed upon activity. It could be rude though if she thought they'd be hanging out and able to talk and then they suddenly found out the game was on and started ignoring her. In that case, playing on her phone rather than sulking/being mad would be polite. Similar to the incident with the grandma and the haircut, there's a lot of information that would be needed to fully determine it. I think it's actually easier in this situation to think of lots of scenarios in which she wasn't rude than the other situation.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #35 on: February 03, 2017, 07:56:11 AM »
She may very well have been rude to her companions; we don't know.  But she definitely wasn't rude to the OP, IMO. 
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Onyx_TKD

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #36 on: February 03, 2017, 08:22:54 AM »
So you're all saying it's okay to just sit there and pretty much ignore everyone in your group?

If the group was focused on the game, wouldn't they also be ignoring everyone in their group? I don't see how watching a game is interactive.

People at least talk about the game and go through the good/bad times together... it's not like you can sit quietly and watch like an opera.

...Why not? You obviously don't watch games quietly--that doesn't mean that others are incapable of doing so, nor that others would not enjoy doing so. If people can politely go to the opera or theater as a social outing, without having to speak to one another during the performance, then why would it suddenly become inappropriate for a game? Nothing you said indicated that she was ignoring her own companions trying to speak to her. They were each doing their own thing during the game--them watching and her playing with her phone--presumably they socialized among their own group either before or after or both, just like a group at the theater. For a televised game,  there are no performers to be rude to by being obviously engrossed in another activity, and in a clearly loud and rowdy sports bar, a lit phone screen isn't disruptive as it is in a dark theater,  so if her own friends were OK with it, who was she hypothetically being rude to?

If this woman had been silently enthralled in the game,  would you still have been calling her rude for not loudly carrying on and making herself available to high-five complete strangers? Why are you so invested in her "enjoying" the game in your way?

Writer of Wrongs

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #37 on: February 03, 2017, 08:31:25 AM »
So you're all saying it's okay to just sit there and pretty much ignore everyone in your group?

I really don't want to pile on here. But as a non-sports fan who has "watched" games with sports fans, believe me - the fans ignore the non-fans. Not knowing this girl's situation or the group dynamic, we can speculate all day about the arrangements or the reasons. But in my experience, the fans are too busy screaming and cheering to notice or pay any attention to the non-fan.

Me personally? I wouldn't have knowingly gone *to watch a game,* but I can imagine someone going along with a new SO, thinking it's a date night or hanging out with the SO's friends ("come meet my friends; you'll all love each other") and getting caught in this situation. In that scenario, I would think the girl was actually being a good sport about it, doing her own thing while friends do theirs.
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rose red

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #38 on: February 03, 2017, 10:12:14 AM »
I agree a stranger don't know what is normal for their group. Unless you see the girl ignoring or complaining to her friends when they speak directly to her, I think she's fine. She's keeping herself happy and not bothering anyone.

As for group activities, I've sat with friends during meals and we are all focused on our own phones/books/etc. A stranger may think that's rude, but it's our normal.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2017, 10:14:30 AM by rose red »

Chickadee

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #39 on: February 03, 2017, 10:17:49 AM »
So you're all saying it's okay to just sit there and pretty much ignore everyone in your group?

If the group was focused on the game, wouldn't they also be ignoring everyone in their group? I don't see how watching a game is interactive.

People at least talk about the game and go through the good/bad times together... it's not like you can sit quietly and watch like an opera.

It could be she doesn't know enough about football to be able to participate in the conversation. I know I learned a long time ago to not ask questions about the sport during the game  ;).

Yvaine

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #40 on: February 03, 2017, 11:04:14 AM »
So you're all saying it's okay to just sit there and pretty much ignore everyone in your group?

I really don't want to pile on here. But as a non-sports fan who has "watched" games with sports fans, believe me - the fans ignore the non-fans. Not knowing this girl's situation or the group dynamic, we can speculate all day about the arrangements or the reasons. But in my experience, the fans are too busy screaming and cheering to notice or pay any attention to the non-fan.

Me personally? I wouldn't have knowingly gone *to watch a game,* but I can imagine someone going along with a new SO, thinking it's a date night or hanging out with the SO's friends ("come meet my friends; you'll all love each other") and getting caught in this situation. In that scenario, I would think the girl was actually being a good sport about it, doing her own thing while friends do theirs.

Yep. I have sometimes gone out for dinner/beers and had the outing turn into Surprise! Ball Game! when there was a TV there and people got sucked into it, and I didn't personally care about it. And other times, I have accidentally sprung Surprise! Ball Game! on others when they didn't care about it and I got sucked in. Surprise! Ball Game! is a little rude in and of itself, but generally forgiven among friends.  :) She's entertaining herself and not bothering anyone else, NBD.

OP, it sounds like your bar has a really specific culture, too, which not everyone would know about or be prepared for. Even at most sports bars, you're not expected to socialize with other tables. You might, a little, especially if the local team's in the playoffs and everybody's super into it, but nobody thinks you're rude if you don't.

Roodabega

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #41 on: February 03, 2017, 11:19:05 AM »
It may be extremely unlikely, but the girl could also be one of those with a phobia about touching other people (kind of like Howie Mandel).   I can guarantee you that for Superbowl Sunday here, my wife will probably not digest a minute of the game itself, but will likely pay attention to commercials and the halftime show.   Rest of the time will likely be spent reading her Kindle or playing some game.   Not that she might not watch some of it, but I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't. 

I can guarantee though that whether is was in public, at a friend/relative house, or at home, she's not going to get all excited about the big play.  Certainly not enough to high-five strangers at a bar.

lorelai

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #42 on: February 03, 2017, 11:24:17 AM »
I think there's no way to tell if she's rude in this scenario because you just don't have context as a stranger for the dynamics in their group. And you can never know. When hanging out with my in-laws, I have recently begun the practice of playing games or reading on my phone. I am often left out of the conversation by them speaking another language. In a recent instance, they were all gossiping about my brother-in-law and the conversation was making me extremely uncomfortable. Being on my phone and not participating was a method of helping ME cope. And I don't really care what a stranger might think about that.

I have a friend who hates sports but came to my Superbowl party because she loves food and she loves Superbowl party food. We had a good time hanging out and she didn't mind when the focus was on the game. She played on her phone too. As the host of that gathering, I found her behavior not rude at all.

If you were to come here and ask about this situation in your own friend group, and you knew more context, or if you were asking about your own behavior when you were on the phone ignoring the main activity, then we could advise you about it. But in the scenario you presented, her behavior is completely acceptable.

TheaterDiva1

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #43 on: February 03, 2017, 11:26:50 AM »
For some reason I can't fathom, the fact that this girl wasn't participating in watching the game seems to bother you. Unless she did something to spoil your enjoyment of the game - other than by minding her own business - she wasn't rude.

I don't think TheaterDiva1 meant to ask whether the girl was rude to her - but rather whether she was rude to her friends. Only her friends can be the judges of that, but in my circle of friends, it would be totally alright.

Thanks Maria - I didn't think her behavior affected me since she wasn't, as a PP put it, "there for my entertainment." I was thinking more of the dynamics within that group and figured that would make an interesting discussion on this board.

cb140

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Re: Ignoring The Main Activity
« Reply #44 on: February 03, 2017, 12:04:24 PM »
So you're all saying it's okay to just sit there and pretty much ignore everyone in your group?

Well, it might be a reasonable guess to say that they were all ignoring her. It appears that they were watching a football game.