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  • November 22, 2017, 09:58:48 PM

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Author Topic: Sorry, we're no longer interested...  (Read 10920 times)

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Bottlecaps

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Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« on: February 14, 2017, 11:13:12 AM »
So my husband and I have a bit of an issue. Three weeks ago, we had a visit from a couple of people who were proselytizing on behalf of their religion. My husband told them that although we weren't really interested in converting religions, we love to learn about others' beliefs and that they were welcome to come in and tell us about theirs. It was also bitterly cold that evening so he wanted to get them out of the cold as well.

They gave us some literature on their religion and my husband said he'd read up on it. They've now been back two more times and it's now becoming clear that they're no longer interested in our pure curiosity about religions, but they are looking to convert us. The last visit, they asked if they could set a goal date for us to decide whether we would commit or not.  :o That's when we realized that conversion, not education, was their end goal. I suppose maybe we're the na´ve ones for thinking that they would just educate us and not try to convert us, but I digress. They're supposed to come back on Friday and we're planning on letting them know then that although we are truly sorry for wasting their time and have loved learning about their beliefs, we are not interested in converting at all (as was told to them in their first visit) as we are both pretty set in our own beliefs.

Are there any suggestions on how to word this so it doesn't come across as rude, or how to deal with any rebuttals we may get? I thought there was a thread on here a couple of years ago about a very similar situation, but I can't seem to find it.
"Some of the most wonderful people are the ones who don't fit into boxes." -Tori Amos


bah12

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2017, 11:17:42 AM »
You are correct that the purpose of these visits and the end goal is conversion, not education.  Even though you were clear that you were only interested in education out of curiosity, they moved forward with the intent to turn that curiosity into an actual religious conversion.

I think you tell them what you said here "We have loved learning about your beliefs, but, as discussed on your first visit, we are not interested in converting at all.   We are both pretty set in our own beliefs.  Thank you for the conversations we have had and good luck on your mission." 

Reika

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2017, 11:18:06 AM »
Just be blunt. "We're not interested in converting, thank you for your time though."

And whatever you do, don't let them back in.

TurtleDove

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2017, 11:19:30 AM »
I would contact them before Friday and state in a firm and friendly manner that you cannot meet in the future because you are not interested in converting to their religion. Be cheerful and firm and do not allow them to pressure you.

GreenBird

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2017, 11:44:56 AM »
I'd definitely call them to cancel ahead of time if you can.  I would also be careful to be completely clear that there is no chance that you will convert.  Don't say "pretty set in our beliefs", say "absolutely set in our beliefs".  Anything less than absolute will be taken to mean that there's a chance they'll succeed and they'll keep trying even harder.  Since you've met with them a few times, my guess is they think you're good prospects and it will take more than one "no" to make them stop.  Just be polite and firm, don't have any extended conversations with them, and don't let them in your house again. 

lowspark

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2017, 11:52:00 AM »
Another vote for canceling ahead of time.

"Please remove us from your list. We are not interested in any further contact."

Don't JADE. Don't give any reasons or excuses.
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siamesecat2965

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2017, 11:52:21 AM »
Just be blunt. "We're not interested in converting, thank you for your time though."

And whatever you do, don't let them back in.

This. Really no different from MLMs trying to get you to join and sell their products. They are taught not to take no for an answer, so if you say no, and then make excuses, it kind of opens the door for them to try and argue why you can do what you said you can't.

But a simple no, and thank you is all you need, and gives them no ammunition.

FauxFoodist

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2017, 12:08:53 PM »
Just be blunt. "We're not interested in converting, thank you for your time though."

And whatever you do, don't let them back in.

Pod.  DH is really nice to these people and would listen to what they have to say.  He did this once but was trying to tell the woman we weren't interested, and she wasn't budging.  I then called out towards the door (a little too strongly), "We're Catholic!"  He said the proselytizer was visibly startled so he gave her a small smile and confirmed that yes, we are in fact Catholic.  She then finally took the hint and went away.

I twice listened to what others had to say about their religions because I did not practice a religion at the time and was intellectually interested to hear about their religions.  Yes, both times, that was a big mistake, as, in both cases, the individuals tried to convert me.  I learned not to do that anymore.

lakey

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2017, 12:24:34 PM »
Quote
My husband told them that although we weren't really interested in converting religions, we love to learn about others' beliefs and that they were welcome to come in and tell us about theirs. It was also bitterly cold that evening so he wanted to get them out of the cold as well.
...... They're supposed to come back on Friday and we're planning on letting them know then that although we are truly sorry for wasting their time and have loved learning about their beliefs, we are not interested in converting at all (as was told to them in their first visit) as we are both pretty set in our own beliefs.

I wouldn't apologize, because your husband let them know up front that you just like to learn about others' beliefs. Also, you might want to consider HOW you say "no", people who are proselytizing will keep trying if you show any hesitation at all. I belong to a parish, and I live in an area where people sometimes go door to door to get people to come to their church. I simply say, "No thanks, I already belong to a Church." These people take their religion seriously, as do I, so they understand this and don't take offense. You don't need to worry about being rude to them, but don't equivocate, they'll think they still have a chance.

mandycorn

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2017, 12:28:21 PM »
Yup, this is a place where bluntness and firmness once are ultimately the kindest thing to do. By telling them you're absolutely not interested, they can spend their time with other people who may be interested and leave you alone.
"The trouble with quotes on the Internet is that you never know if they are genuine" - Abraham Lincoln 

holly firestorm

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2017, 05:11:01 PM »
My father was gardening when some of these "missionary" types approached him.  He (politely) explained that he was not interested because he belonged the Church of Free Love.  They left.

GardenGal

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2017, 05:30:34 PM »
Quote
I would contact them before Friday and state in a firm and friendly manner that you cannot meet in the future because you are not interested in converting to their religion. Be cheerful and firm and do not allow them to pressure you.

And just hang up the phone once you've cancelled your meeting and don't answer or return their phone calls. If they do show up on Friday you can simply remind them of your phone call and repeat that you're not interested, and then close the door.
"No matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Banzai

gramma dishes

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2017, 08:30:24 PM »

...  And just hang up the phone once you've cancelled your meeting and don't answer or return their phone calls. If they do show up on Friday you can simply remind them of your phone call and repeat that you're not interested, and then close the door.

Why would you even answer the door in the first place if you've already canceled?   ???

flyersandunicorns

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2017, 09:15:00 PM »
First thing first, you and your husband didn't do anything wrong or misleading here. You were forward with them that you weren't interested and let them teach you about their religion. They are the ones who are pushing it and pressuring you into something.

I would cancel ahead of time if possible but I doubt you have swapped phone numbers. So when they show up say that you're sorry that they misunderstood but you are firm in your beliefs and are not joining their organization.

Many folks are taught to be high pressure and to 'save' everyone no matter what techniques they will turn to. They are manipulating you, right down to you thinking that you mislead them :(

Raintree

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2017, 10:44:11 PM »
I see it as no different from if a vacuum cleaner salesman came to your door and you told him you weren't interested in buying a vacuum, but he was welcome to come in and show you a demo. And then another visit to discuss the brochures about vacuums that he left, in which you said you already were happy with your vacuum cleaner but you're willing to learn all about Amazing Vacuum. At some point you say "no thank you. I'm not interested." It's a sales pitch just like any other.

Since you do feel bad for giving them hope, you could just call up and say, "We aren't interested in converting, but thanks for telling us about your religion. We need to cancel the upcoming visit." Hope you get voice mail, and then screen all your calls for a while and don't pick up if it's them. If you are not fortunate enough to be able to just leave a voice mail, you will likely get "but, but...." and just repeat yourself. "No thank you. We are not interested in converting." And hang up. You owe them nothing.