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  • November 23, 2017, 04:34:49 PM

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Author Topic: Sorry, we're no longer interested...  (Read 10943 times)

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Bottlecaps

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #30 on: April 07, 2017, 12:31:40 AM »
Oh, and I wanted to come back and let you know that I've had several friends who served as missionaries and some of them really enjoyed philosophical conversations about religious differences with people who had no plans to convert, and some of them preferred only to speak with prospective church members, so I don't think you did anything wrong by engaging with them initially.

If they were similar to my friends in the first group, they would have been thrilled with the opportunity to just talk with you and your husband and both learn about your religious beliefs and share their own. The missionaries you're speaking with now appear to be part of the second type, unfortunately, based on their push for a decision date, so it really is better for everyone to "cut the loose" and let them go on their way.

Thank you, mandycorn. :)

I realize this thread is kind of old now, but I thought I'd give an update. They didn't come back the Friday they said they would, so I thought maybe they had given up or something, haha. But, a couple of weeks later, on a Friday, they did turn up, right as I was about to leave. I told them I was about to leave and that now wasn't a good time. (It really wasn't, I was in a bit of a hurry.) They asked if Sunday would be a good time. I said, "No. Look, I'll be honest, we're no longer interested." They asked why, and although I shouldn't have jaded (at least I think that's what I was doing, lol - I really need to work on that), in the interest of not getting into the explanation of "you took our interest the wrong way/we didn't convey our interest the right way," if that makes sense, I said, "We've searched and it's not for us." One of them piped up and said, "Is it stuff you've read on the internet? Because you can't believe everything you read on the Internet." It honestly came across as kind of patronizing, so I said, "I know that. I've been using the Internet for a very long time. However, I really have to go." They then asked if they could come back later and discuss why we didn't want to join. At this point I was getting a bit flustered/angry because, as I said, I was in a hurry to leave. I *know* I shouldn't have said this, but I said, "I doubt it, but I will talk to my husband and see what he thinks. (There I went with the jading again.) I do have to be going though." They tried rebutting a couple of more times before I basically just wished them a good evening and had to practically shut the door in their face. :( I felt kind of bad afterwards, they were nice enough kids, but they haven't been back since, so I guess it worked.
« Last Edit: April 07, 2017, 12:36:47 AM by Bottlecaps »
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GreenBird

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #31 on: April 07, 2017, 10:44:37 AM »
It sounds like maybe they've gotten the message now, so that's good!  For the future, keep the phrase, "No, thank you" handy - it's perfectly polite, and much less ambiguous than "I doubt it" or any other phrase which leaves the door open.  There's nothing wrong or rude about saying no, or saying you're not interested.  I totally get that it feels awkward, but when you're not interested, I think it's actually kinder to just be clear about it. 

Tea Drinker

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #32 on: April 07, 2017, 03:34:36 PM »
It also occurs to me that while you can't believe everything you read on the internet, you also can't believe everything you hear from a random person who is trying to recruit you for their organization (religious, political, or random hobby). They're trying to set it up as "you can't believe all those strangers, therefore you should believe us," when the correct logic is closer to "you shouldn't believe strangers, including those people on the internet [and us]."
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Team HoundMom

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #33 on: April 10, 2017, 02:25:03 PM »
Well you could always do what my friend did when a certain religious group was pressuring her to go back to their church: they dropped by one day and her friend opened the door with a coffee in one hand, a cigarette in the other and said "<Friend> is working at the strip club."

Problem solved!  ;D

jedikaiti

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #34 on: April 10, 2017, 02:35:08 PM »
I realize this thread is kind of old now, but I thought I'd give an update. They didn't come back the Friday they said they would, so I thought maybe they had given up or something, haha. But, a couple of weeks later, on a Friday, they did turn up, right as I was about to leave. I told them I was about to leave and that now wasn't a good time. (It really wasn't, I was in a bit of a hurry.) They asked if Sunday would be a good time. I said, "No. Look, I'll be honest, we're no longer interested." They asked why, and although I shouldn't have jaded (at least I think that's what I was doing, lol - I really need to work on that), in the interest of not getting into the explanation of "you took our interest the wrong way/we didn't convey our interest the right way," if that makes sense, I said, "We've searched and it's not for us." One of them piped up and said, "Is it stuff you've read on the internet? Because you can't believe everything you read on the Internet." It honestly came across as kind of patronizing, so I said, "I know that. I've been using the Internet for a very long time. However, I really have to go." They then asked if they could come back later and discuss why we didn't want to join. At this point I was getting a bit flustered/angry because, as I said, I was in a hurry to leave. I *know* I shouldn't have said this, but I said, "I doubt it, but I will talk to my husband and see what he thinks. (There I went with the jading again.) I do have to be going though." They tried rebutting a couple of more times before I basically just wished them a good evening and had to practically shut the door in their face. :( I felt kind of bad afterwards, they were nice enough kids, but they haven't been back since, so I guess it worked.

I wouldn't be surprised if you guys are on the "try again later" list now - the bit I bolded indicates that you were ever interested in converting, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you ended up on an mailing list or two for occasional "reminder" mailings, or the occasional door-knock "Have you reconsidered?"

You can still be polite, but you usually have to be blunt and firm as well.
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Raintree

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #35 on: April 13, 2017, 12:43:44 AM »
I realize this thread is kind of old now, but I thought I'd give an update. They didn't come back the Friday they said they would, so I thought maybe they had given up or something, haha. But, a couple of weeks later, on a Friday, they did turn up, right as I was about to leave. I told them I was about to leave and that now wasn't a good time. (It really wasn't, I was in a bit of a hurry.) They asked if Sunday would be a good time. I said, "No. Look, I'll be honest, we're no longer interested." They asked why, and although I shouldn't have jaded (at least I think that's what I was doing, lol - I really need to work on that), in the interest of not getting into the explanation of "you took our interest the wrong way/we didn't convey our interest the right way," if that makes sense, I said, "We've searched and it's not for us." One of them piped up and said, "Is it stuff you've read on the internet? Because you can't believe everything you read on the Internet." It honestly came across as kind of patronizing, so I said, "I know that. I've been using the Internet for a very long time. However, I really have to go." They then asked if they could come back later and discuss why we didn't want to join. At this point I was getting a bit flustered/angry because, as I said, I was in a hurry to leave. I *know* I shouldn't have said this, but I said, "I doubt it, but I will talk to my husband and see what he thinks. (There I went with the jading again.) I do have to be going though." They tried rebutting a couple of more times before I basically just wished them a good evening and had to practically shut the door in their face. :( I felt kind of bad afterwards, they were nice enough kids, but they haven't been back since, so I guess it worked.

I wouldn't be surprised if you guys are on the "try again later" list now - the bit I bolded indicates that you were ever interested in converting, and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if you ended up on an mailing list or two for occasional "reminder" mailings, or the occasional door-knock "Have you reconsidered?"

You can still be polite, but you usually have to be blunt and firm as well.

Absolutely, they thought they had a lead there, so they will be following up. I understand how hard it can be to say no to persistent people, but if they do come back I think you have to say, "Please take us off your list. We are not, never have been, and never will be interested."

I would have been annoyed with the "don't believe everything you read on the internet" 'splaining spiel. And their wanting to come over to talk about why you're not interested. You do not owe them an explanation.

m2kbug

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Re: Sorry, we're no longer interested...
« Reply #36 on: April 13, 2017, 06:55:58 AM »
If they are who I think they are, you are still considered a "golden" contact.  They'll keep you on a list and will periodically check in and pass this information to the next set of missionaries.  You might find cookies left on your porch or women will come by to invite you to their "women's thing" they have.  This is "love bombing," and they'll try to involve you somehow, invite you to church, mow the lawn, any number of things.   This doesn't happen often, but it can.  You will have to be extremely blunt and even rude if they don't back off.  Otherwise, the missionaries aren't given a lot of money for food and cleaning supplies, so they do always appreciate a meal if you're up for it.  They aren't allowed to talk to friends/family except via email/letters and they get 2 calls a year home.  They aren't allowed to go home for holidays or weddings/funerals, sick family members, reunions, etc., so they appreciate some company.  They can behave (not always) if you tell them you will not discuss religion, but they're welcome to stay for lunch/dinner.  But this is like feeding stray cats, so don't embark on this if you don't want to do this over time.