Fay and Sue are friends who each have a son aged 4. (Fay = Fabio and Sue = Sam ) All 4 people are at Sue's house, along with a mutual 3rd friend, and her 4 year old son. All 3 boys are playing happily outside, or so we think. Fabio and Sam have a bit of a love/hate relationship; most days they get on but some days they just don't. Today they were getting on. Then Sue's DH comes in to say that Fay's son Fabio is bleeding. All the mums go outside and sure enough Fabio's lip is bleeding. He's not crying and doesn't seem particularly worried about the blood, but does seem a little shocked. It turns out that Sam threw a toy at Fabio and that it was unprovoked. If it had been any child other than Sam there's a 99.9% chance that it was accidental, but based on past behaviour it can only be assumed with Sam that it's 50/50 as to whether it's accidental or deliberate.
Under normal circumstances this is what I see happening: Sue takes her son over to Fabio to apologise (either he says it or his mother says it on his behalf). Fay's son accepts the apology and everyone moves on. End of story. These things happen all the time with kids and there's no point dragging it out.
What if the story ends differently. Sue makes no attempt to have her son apologise other than saying quietly to him that you don't throw toys. No other acknowldgement that what Sam did was wrong, nor does she seem concerned about Fabio's condition. Sue then goes back inside. Fay then tells Sam that he has to apologise to Fabio but Sam refuses and actually sticks his fingers in his ears and alternates between poking out his tongue and saying that he wasn't listening. Upon going inside to tell Sue of this she flat out refuses to make her son apologise for any of his behavior at all and tries to actually blame Fabio in some twisted way.
The way she sees it unless her child actually means the apology there is no point in making him say it. Firstly, she didn't even try and make him say it, and secondly, at that age most children don't really mean or understand an apology but they still say it anyway (or the parent at least apologises to the child or other parent).
Sue and Sam are not particularly liked at the educational centre they all attend, partly because of this sort of attitude (ie. Sam can do no wrong). Mutual friend stays out of it completely. What are your thoughts on this?