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  • December 11, 2017, 09:50:27 AM

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Author Topic: "Heartbroken" bride tells bridesmaids they’re uninvited to her wedding  (Read 7453 times)

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TheaterDiva1

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http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/marriage/heartbroken-bride-tells-bridesmaids-theyre-uninvited-to-her-wedding/news-story/9faa2ba5cf8f168bcd6ce13a87da2eea

I wasn't sure where to post a possible bridezilla story, so mods, if you need to move this, go for it. :)

And I say "possible bridezilla" because while the bride's behavior wasn't perfect, these so-called friends seem unusually cruel... unless we're not getting the full story here. Either way, I thought this was worthy of discussion.

MariaE

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The word "relationship" messed up the URL - try this instead http://tinyurl.com/jsvkjxq
 
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TheaterDiva1

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The word "relationship" messed up the URL - try this instead http://tinyurl.com/jsvkjxq

Sorry about that - I just copied/pasted and forgot about the filter.

Reika

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I have to agree with the one person who said they didn't sound like her friends. It sounds like a very one sided relationship and I hope that she finds better friends.

Cali.in.UK

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I agree that we don't have the full story but if everything the bride says is factual about the last minute bailing and the refusal to partake in milestone bridal events then I'd say that they sound like pretty awful "friends". But I may be projecting a little bit because, similarly, my sister had her old high school clique as her bridesmaids a few years ago even though she's really only friends with two of them still. The girls really liked the idea/honor of being a bridesmaid (something to post more pictures of themselves on social media) but they did not want to put the work in. They ended up treating me (the MOH) and the one other non-clique bridesmaid really badly the whole time, were non-communicative, excluded me from the bachelorette, and then showed up so hungover at the actual wedding that one of them almost wasn't able to go out for the ceremony.

It's a big ask to have someone in your wedding, and people should really only ask those they are currently close with or these type of issues arise. I think the OP should start investing in some new friendships.

VorFemme

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I'm wondering if the bride considered herself part of "the group" and the other girls saw her as a "hanger on" or even a "wannabe", not a member of the main group at all.

And I'd start looking for a completely new group of adult friends - not anyone that she used to hang around ten years or so ago.  But I can say that - as 95% of the people I knew in school and still know now are blood relatives.  We moved a lot as kids and there are whole schools full of people that I have not seen since we moved out of that town to the next one...
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

maksi

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Based on this (does anyone have the Reddit link? None of the news pages listed the source :( ) it's almost impossible to tell what's really going on.

Scenario a) She has not-so-good friends, who are flaky or just not as invested in the relationship as she is. Not showing up and/or canceling on the last minute on all of the more or less important wedding-related events is not good.

Scenario b) She had unreasonable demands and the bridesmaids basically walked out - who knows what she demanded from her shower (to even ask for one, is that okay?) or how much she listened to her friends concerning the dresses and schedules.

Scenario c) Something in-between or completely different.

Whatever the real events behind this, I think it's best for all of them to move on. Definitely no re-inviting (unless someone realises they messed up and apologises), but some serious re-evaluating of friendships.

ladyknight1

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From the article, this is someone who thought friends who were thoughtless and flaky in other situations would suddenly not be thoughtless and flaky when it comes to her wedding?

My sister also had her high school clique friends in her wedding party and now only speaks to two. I am glad we had family members and one friend in our bridal party, and none of the bachelorette, bridal shower, extraneous events.
“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
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PastryGoddess

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They all sound very young and immature to be honest.  I'm not sure if anyone was completely in the wrong in this scenario. 

lakey

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As other commenters have said, whether the bride was justified or not depends on how reasonable her expectations were, and we don't get much in specifics from the article. I don't think a bride has a right to ask the bridesmaids to put on a shower. It's nice if they do, but  I don't feel it's required.We don't know if they can afford to put on a shower.  We don't know what kind of bachelorette she expected. In my experience, the bachelorette is a night of partying and clubbing. But many people now expect the bachelorette to be a weekend getaway or a major all day event. Some younger people just starting out in life can't afford this. I don't think it would be too much for the bride to expect them to do a night of partying.
Among some people, it is expected that the bridesmaids go wedding dress shopping with the bride, but in my area this wasn't really done much. The bride went with her mother and maybe future mother in law. I would have assumed the bridesmaids would attend an engagement party.

It does sound like these bridesmaids weren't showing much interest in participating in this wedding, but there may be more to it than was told in the article.

Bert

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Based on this (does anyone have the Reddit link? None of the news pages listed the source :( ) it's almost impossible to tell what's really going on.

Scenario a) She has not-so-good friends, who are flaky or just not as invested in the relationship as she is. Not showing up and/or canceling on the last minute on all of the more or less important wedding-related events is not good.

Scenario b) She had unreasonable demands and the bridesmaids basically walked out - who knows what she demanded from her shower (to even ask for one, is that okay?) or how much she listened to her friends concerning the dresses and schedules.

Scenario c) Something in-between or completely different.

Whatever the real events behind this, I think it's best for all of them to move on. Definitely no re-inviting (unless someone realises they messed up and apologises), but some serious re-evaluating of friendships.


I agree with your points, and also, I think I found it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/485sx1/me_21f_with_my_friends_2021f_i_uninvited_them/

Side note, I'm not in the media, I'm not a journalist.  I think it's crazy that what appears to be about a dozen news sites picked this up, and not one of them actually linked to the reddit thread that this story was taken completely from.

Edit: sorry, the link appears to not work because it stops short for some reason, but it should work if you copy and paste it into your search bar.
« Last Edit: March 07, 2017, 05:50:03 PM by Bert »

VorFemme

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It sounds like she is the first in her group to get engaged and plan a wedding.  The rest are still dating around, nothing serious, and may not be ready to "level up" themselves.  They are still young and want to be spontaneous and not be caught in the "older people" trap of always planning ahead. 

Or they could just be busy with college, getting new jobs, and moving on from high school & college - and not have as much time as the bride seems to think that she *needs*.  I remember when being in the wedding party took up little more than the time spent at the rehearsal & then the wedding.  The "shopping" was a matter of what could be affordable and asking what sizes were needed for the order of dresses and if anyone needed to find a shoe, it was along the lines of "strappy black heeled sandals" rather than all identical everything (as if it were the military uniform of the day or the bridesmaids were part of a chorus line in a musical number).

It's also something that different families can have a different perspective on - and the bride had picked up a different idea of what was going to happen than the rest of her friends had...even if they'd all gone to school together.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

TheaterDiva1

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Based on this (does anyone have the Reddit link? None of the news pages listed the source :( ) it's almost impossible to tell what's really going on.

Scenario a) She has not-so-good friends, who are flaky or just not as invested in the relationship as she is. Not showing up and/or canceling on the last minute on all of the more or less important wedding-related events is not good.

Scenario b) She had unreasonable demands and the bridesmaids basically walked out - who knows what she demanded from her shower (to even ask for one, is that okay?) or how much she listened to her friends concerning the dresses and schedules.

Scenario c) Something in-between or completely different.

Whatever the real events behind this, I think it's best for all of them to move on. Definitely no re-inviting (unless someone realises they messed up and apologises), but some serious re-evaluating of friendships.


I agree with your points, and also, I think I found it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/485sx1/me_21f_with_my_friends_2021f_i_uninvited_them/

Side note, I'm not in the media, I'm not a journalist.  I think it's crazy that what appears to be about a dozen news sites picked this up, and not one of them actually linked to the reddit thread that this story was taken completely from.

Edit: sorry, the link appears to not work because it stops short for some reason, but it should work if you copy and paste it into your search bar.

That link does clear things up... I was torn between thinking she's a bridezilla and they were making a point or they just really didn't want anything to do with her (a whole group of people flaking? Sounds pre-meditated to me). Now I think she was never really part of this group and should've taken the hint earlier that they don't care as much about her as she does about the group.

I REALLY wish we could see what the other girls had to say.

PastryGoddess

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Based on this (does anyone have the Reddit link? None of the news pages listed the source :( ) it's almost impossible to tell what's really going on.

Scenario a) She has not-so-good friends, who are flaky or just not as invested in the relationship as she is. Not showing up and/or canceling on the last minute on all of the more or less important wedding-related events is not good.

Scenario b) She had unreasonable demands and the bridesmaids basically walked out - who knows what she demanded from her shower (to even ask for one, is that okay?) or how much she listened to her friends concerning the dresses and schedules.

Scenario c) Something in-between or completely different.

Whatever the real events behind this, I think it's best for all of them to move on. Definitely no re-inviting (unless someone realises they messed up and apologises), but some serious re-evaluating of friendships.


I agree with your points, and also, I think I found it:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/485sx1/me_21f_with_my_friends_2021f_i_uninvited_them/

Side note, I'm not in the media, I'm not a journalist.  I think it's crazy that what appears to be about a dozen news sites picked this up, and not one of them actually linked to the reddit thread that this story was taken completely from.

Edit: sorry, the link appears to not work because it stops short for some reason, but it should work if you copy and paste it into your search bar.

The forum filters the word rel@tionship so that we don't get the really annoying ads.  So if a link has it, then you'll want to use a link shortener to prevent it. 

MariaE

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Tinyurl is your friend :) Here's the reddit link shortened: http://tinyurl.com/jnbbp9d
 
Dane by birth, Kiwi by choice