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  • April 27, 2017, 05:46:37 PM

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Author Topic: Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?  (Read 1364 times)

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Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?
« on: March 16, 2017, 06:55:54 PM »
My best friend is getting married on July 1st, I get to be his Best 'Man' AND in charge of the bachelor party. I'm so excited!

The only things I know for certain are

1)I need a guest list and addresses from the Groom to send them out in an appropriate time before the party date.

2) I need to make reservations at the party place and gather party supplies.

3) it's going to be pirate themed with a big ol captain's hat for the Groom.

4) it will be game oriented such as mini-golf or lazer-tag.

We are not.. the most grown-up of adults here.

I thought it was all going to go pretty easy, found a place at the Home Base where it offered a party package for a couple hours of Go-Karts, Arcade Games, Mini Golf, AND Lazer Tag - everything anyone could have wanted to do! It was reasonably priced and I just needed to know how many people to plan for and call about reservations.

But... I'm not going to get a Guest List until after May 1st, because Groom has decided to wait and see who rsvp's to the wedding itself as a way to know who all is willing to fly out for the events. And attached to that is he wants to see what city the Guests would prefer to party in, Home Base or Wedding City because there's six hours of driving between them. There is a Pirate Themed Black-Light Minigolf thing we could do at Wedding City so not all is lost?

I've been assuming the B. Party needs to be fairly close to the wedding so people don't have to make two trips. Not the night before the Wedding, but the night before that? Is asking people to fly out two days before the wedding reasonable? Should it have been a good month or so behind it - though that means getting the invites out NOW and I can't seem to pry it out of Groom's hands for the life of me and two trips for people who mainly can't afford it.

He does want me to email the invites to cut time. I'm a bit sulky over that. And panicking cause if people are getting their wedding invites NOW, they could be buying plane tickets and not know there is a B party being planned and won't arrive in time.

I'm part thinking I have everything I need to get done rolling right along, but partly thinking there MUST be something I'm forgetting. The only thing I have down in concrete is the fake mustache I'll be wearing to the B Party as I'm the only female to be invited XD

TLDR - I'm throwing a party and not sure what the heck I'm doing.


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Re: Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2017, 09:47:56 AM »
IME with weddings that may require a number of important people to fly in, the night-before bachelor party is just a simple fun-time had at a local bar/pub. The larger, more elaborate bachelor party is held beforehand, and billed as a separate time for those who care to partake.

Ex: DH's best friend got married. He lives on one side of the US, we live on the other. The wedding was held in the fall. That summer, a handful of friends got together in Vegas for the bachelor party. It wasn't exclusive so much as it was a separate trip/celebration for those that wanted to join and could afford the time and expense. The "traditional" bachelor party, with most of the men who were attending the wedding, was the evening before the wedding at a nearby bar.

We have had at least two other weddings with similar MOs, where an elaborate bachelor/ette party was held in advance of the wedding, often involving tickets of some sort, and a simple "you're getting married tomorrow!!" celebration the night before.


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Re: Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2017, 10:07:42 AM »
Printed invitations for a bachelor party would be really out of the norm. Email is totally the way to go.

It sounds like you have done a lot of homework and are going to plan an amazing party! But you can only work with the situation as it is given to you, and if the groom is unwilling to pin down a date or even a city, what can you do?

He is actually not correct in wanting to wait for the RSVPs. People that can't make the wedding could still be invited for the bachelor party. A BP isn't a "gift-giving" occasion like a shower, so people are really just invited to come and have fun (and maybe chip in for the activities for themselves, but its usually not a huge outlay). And--they can decline if they can't make it or don't want to participate. You might contact the groom and say you've been doing some research into the etiquette, and it really is ok to just invite a bunch of the groom's friends apart from the rsvp situation. Tell him you'd like to get the ball rolling because you need to have a sense of numbers.

If he pushes back, you'll just have to accept that the venue might be booked up or that it may end up being something really low key.

As for scheduling, the night before the wedding is usually the rehearsal dinner, so don't plan it for that day unless you know for certain they're not having one. It would be pretty unusual for people to come in two days before a wedding just for a BP, so trying to do it right around the wedding really might not work. The best thing would be to plan it a few weeks to a couple of months in advance of the wedding, and pick a place most convenient for the groom and most of the prospective guests. It sounds like you aren't going to please everyone, but just do the best you can. And have fun!


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Re: Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?
« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2017, 01:47:53 PM »
I'm a bit confused about where people are?

I can't imagine going to a wedding 2 days earlier for a mini golf party (or any bachelor party) unless I was extremely close to the groom. I would go to a destination BP though (like Vegas) a month or more ahead of the wedding. Honestly, I am a person who is 100% on board with the idea of destination weddings and/or destination bachelor parties as long as the GOH is cool with people who can't make it. But, I'm not sure I would make the trip for a mini-golf/laser tag party. It would have to be more of a weekend excursion thing.

I'd plan the party the groom wants where he wants it, when he wants it and make no assumptions that people are going to fly in for it. (So, you may want to have it in home town since then at least you'll have some home town friends that can make it.)


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Re: Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2017, 02:37:56 PM »
I'm a bridesmaid for a wedding this July. 4/6 of the wedding party are from out of town. How we're handling it is that we set aside a weekend about 6 weeks before the wedding to hold the bachelorette party. I cleared it with all the bridesmaids, and they are all planning to be there. It's going to be in the bride's hometown. Obviously not everyone we invite will be able to make it, but for us, the main factors were 1. convenience for the bride and 2. trying to pick a time that worked for the bridal party. After that, it's really up to the guests if they want to come (or are able to). So with that in mind, obviously my personal preference would be to pick a time before the wedding, and plan a party in Home Base location.

You really only need to know who's invited to the wedding, not who's coming, and go from there. I wouldn't put so much thought into whether or not they are likely to want to come or travel or whatever, I'd just invite them and let them decide for themselves.

I also wouldn't plan a party in the day or two before the wedding. First of all I think there's enough going on at that time so why add to it, and as others have mentioned there's usually a rehearsal, and dinner, and time with out of town relatives, etc. Getting people to fly in to the wedding city 2 days early is a big ask, not only are you asking them to take extra vacation time, but it also means paying for more nights at a hotel, more meals out, more transportation/entertainment costs (because they probably won't want to sit around doing nothing in a hotel for 2 days). I know there's similar costs involved for a party prior to the wedding, but if it's over a weekend there's less vacation time, and chances are higher that they will get to spend more time with the groom and other friends (as opposed to the frantic busyness in the 2 days leading up to a wedding.)

Oh, and for a bachelor party I'd go with a Facebook event or an E-vite rather than paper invitations. Plus having a facebook event page is helpful for posting updates, costs, other activities that might be thrown together for out of town guests, etc.

Edited for clarity
« Last Edit: March 17, 2017, 02:40:06 PM by LemonZen »


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Re: Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2017, 03:29:02 PM »
First, talk to the Groom on how many people he would like to invite. In our circle, that is normally the groomsmen and ushers, close family members of the groom and the bride (i.e. bride's brothers, brother in laws, a really close cousin), and other really close friends of the grooms who may not be part of the wedding party. It sounds like the groom is ok with this being a much more "adhoc" event. So get him to confirm the minimum he'd like to invite (such as the above guest list), figure out if it would be best to have the event at Home Base or Wedding City based on their locations and then recommend to the groom that you guys go ahead and book one or the other of the event places 2 nights before the wedding. However, if the majority of the proposed guests would be in Wedding City or Home Base, then I'd plan for the event to be the weekend or two before.


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Re: Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2017, 11:03:29 PM »
Where are the majority of the Groom's friends and close male relatives based? Home Base, or Wedding City? I'd pick the city that most of them live in.

If there's a roughly 50/50 split between the two cities, could you pick somewhere halfway between the two, so that it's only 3 hours of driving for everyone?

In terms of timing, my experience for bachelor(ette) parties / bridal showers, is that they're usually held anywhere from 6 to 2 weeks before the wedding. I have never heard of a bachelor party taking place the night before the wedding, except on TV and in the movies (usually involving wacky hijinks which jeopardise the Groom's chances of making it to his own wedding on time).

Also, I don't think the Groom needs to wait and see who can attend his wedding. Just because someone is unable to make the wedding, they might still love to attend a pre-wedding celebration! I've been in that position before (couldn't attend a good friend's wedding because of a pre-booked holiday), but I was still delighted to have been invited to her bachelorette party.


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Re: Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2017, 09:47:51 PM »
Sorry peeps, I was out of town the last few days.

So the wedding destination - Groom has recently leveled up in Adulthood and bought his very own house, which happens to be six hours away from where he used to live (Portland) and his Bride's family. His own family lives back in Arkansas/Georgia for the most part, and his friends are scattered all across the US because we're a tightly knit internet-based group. The wedding itself is still happening in Portland so with it being the place with the most people (the family-in-laws) I guess Portland it should be. Otherwise it's a six hour drive for everyone going in one direction or another. - edit, I mixed up the wedding place and the home place.

I myself live in California and can't afford two trips up to his area. One week in the end of June is pretty much all I can do. Maybe the tight schedule is partly my fault? But I don't see how most of us can afford to make two trips out with hotels and things.

His original list of people he wanted invited came to be 17 people including me and him.  These are his childhood buddies, his new brothers-in-law, his brothers,and internet friends.

I know one other guest will definitely be there in the week before the wedding cause he's the officiant, so I wonder if the Groom would be hurt if I told him it was just the three of us going out to play arcade games... and whoever happened to be in the area of course. No big plan.

He's not worried about etiquette at all, though I side-eyed the fact he'd listed his registry on the invite, he just wants to have his family around for the big event in his life.

Starting to think I WAY over-thought this, lol. I need to pare it down to something simple and fun and can be done anytime but I also know he's hoping for some big surprise.
« Last Edit: March 20, 2017, 09:51:18 PM by Pafferton »


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Re: Bachelor party, YAY! ...kinda long?
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2017, 09:24:17 AM »
Since you already have the list of people he'd want to invite then I'd see if you can contact them and determine when they currently plan to arrive for the wedding and which town the plan to stay in. And then float the idea of having the bachelor part on Thursday night (assuming wedding is Saturday) for anyone that would be in town and available.